


we’ll go to the edge together (because I won't let you go alone)

by ljthebard, tigerlo



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Blood, F/F, Triggers, Violence, from chapter 5+, mention of murder and mental illness, this is a giant mystery and you're all just going to have to read it to find out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-14 15:47:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9190250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ljthebard/pseuds/ljthebard, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigerlo/pseuds/tigerlo
Summary: Holtzmann's life is in danger and Erin does what needs to be done.orErin and Holtzmann get married.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [musicalfreak86](https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicalfreak86/gifts), [Qym](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qym/gifts).



> Ok, so by way of context for you all I got in touch with ljthebard about two weeks ago and was like 'mate, I've got something I want to write about but I don't know how to make it work' and they were like 'I'VE GOT THE BEST IDEA IN THE WORLD' - and their idea was something they've had planned for such a long time to do but hadn't quite gotten round to it, and it was tremendously close to their heart but they so generously allowed me to pick it up and pull it to pieces, and what you're about to read is a product of that.
> 
> My friend - I know we've gifted this to someone else but I want to dedicate my part of this to you because you've given me so much creative license but walked through this whole thing with me, and I'm so proud of what we've ended up with.
> 
> Anyway, enough waffle. We're all about to go on a journey together and I hope you'll love this as much as I do.
> 
> xx - tigerlo

It starts with death. 

 

With tears and blood and the near destruction of a star. 

 

And it almost ends with it, too. 

 

It starts with death but it ends with life, and light and the infiniteness of possibility.

 

And love. 

 

Most importantly, love. 

  
  


-

  
  


Erin's life changes, irrevocably and eternally the day three men in plain black suits arrive at the firehouse and arrest Holtzmann. 

 

Their Holtzmann, who has armed them and trained them and protected them. 

 

_ Her _ Holtzmann. Her’s and Patty's and Abby's. 

 

Sometimes, in the gaps between breaths Erin thinks there might be a glimmer of  _ something _ between them but then she shakes her head and pinches her skin because Holtzmann flirts with everyone and she winks at strangers and it doesn't mean anything.

 

The bottomless pit of possibility narrows immediately the moment those men step through the door however. 

 

And it's terrifying because it all happens so fast, too fast for Erin to even take a breath and  _ think _ . 

  
  


-

  
  


They see themselves in, past a confused looking Kevin, past an angry looking Abby and a scared looking Patty. 

 

Up the second floor where she and Holtzmann are working on a new set of equations. 

 

They walk up to the desk they're both sitting at, and tell Holtzmann she's under arrest. 

 

Except they don't say Jillian Holtzmann. 

 

They say Jillian  _ Hölstrom _ . 

 

Erin looks to her, bewildered and worried, for some sort of explanation but instead of a witty remark all she sees on Holtzmann's face is panic. 

 

Cold, dead panic. 

 

Her hands tense into fists, one of them closing around Erin's hand and she jumps because they've never touched like that before and it feels like she's just hit a livewire with bare hands.

 

Erin flexes, threads her fingers through Holtzmann's blindly and without thinking as the men take a step closer, extend an arm with handcuffs at the end of it. 

 

Abby and Patty are behind them now, and they're both trying to reason with the men, desperate to find an answer for what and why.

 

The men don't say anything; they just frown and stare straight at Holtzmann and one of them moves to pull Holtzmann out of her chair and Erin watches in horror as she doesn't fight. 

 

She watches as they pull Holtzmann away from her. 

 

Their fingers unlace and she feels the loss echo in the bottom of her stomach painfully and she doesn't understand why it hurts this much. 

 

And she shakes her head because this can't be happening because there's so much they still need to do. 

 

They need to solve this equation and they need to have dinner and they need to maybe, someday talk about the electricity that just shot through their bodies when their hands touched. 

 

But they don't. 

 

They put handcuffs around Holtzmann's small, delicate wrists and it stops Erin's breath. 

 

Because Erin had always been fascinated with the delicacy of Holtzmann's body. Fine and small in contrast to the overwhelming personality that came with it. 

 

Because she’s not  _ theirs _ to take away. 

 

She’s hers. 

 

Hers and Abby's and Patty's. 

 

Holtzmann just looks at her with quiet, panicked eyes behind yellow lenses and it breaks Erin's heart because she's never seen her like this before. 

 

The men say something that sounds like ‘you are under arrest for illegally remaining in the United States with an expired VISA. Under the statutory code 10.2B...’ there are more words, but Erin doesn't hear them and Abby's getting louder and louder yet Holtzmann is just still. 

 

So, Erin does all she can think of because she wants to stop this, she wants to seal whatever wound these strangers have just torn open because Holtzmann looks like she is dying, but nobody can see her bleeding. 

 

She walks up to Holtzmann, pushes roughly at the chest of the man standing in her way and whispers in her ear. 

 

“It's going to be okay, Jill. It's going to be ok.”

 

She sags, sinking into the warmth of Erin's body and it feels like a defeat and her words break Erin's heart even more. 

 

“I don't think it is, Er.”

 

They're pulled apart then and the men are taking her away and Abby's full on screaming now. 

 

Holtzmann doesn't say anything and then they get to the door and she turns, her voice quiet and broken. 

 

“Abby. I need you to get in contact with Rebecca. Tell her  _ Kai Zehren _ , please. She'll understand.  _ Please _ .”

 

The throws one last desperate look at Erin, her blue eyes alight with something that looks like regret and Erin feels her heart move out of her chest and away from her body. 

 

And then they're gone. 

  
  


-

 

Abby is the first to move. 

 

“I'm going to call Dr Gorin. This must be some massive mistake. Patty, call the Mayor? See what he can do.”

 

“Already on it.”

 

They don't ask anything of her because she hasn't moved a muscle since they left the room. Frozen in shock and something else that tastes like panic that Erin doesn't understand.

 

“Erin?”

 

She blinks, surprised to find Abby so close to her. 

 

“We're going to do everything we can.”

 

She's nodding, can feel her head moving but she can't form words with her lips. 

 

“Why don't you go home? Try and get some rest. I don't think we're going to get far today and the next few days might be long.”

 

That snaps her attention back around. 

 

“No.”

 

“Erin…”

 

“I'm staying.”

 

She watches Abby sigh, raising her hands to rub at her eyes. 

 

“Fine. I have to go and call Gorin. Why don't you have a look through her stuff. See if there's anything there that might help us.”

 

She gives Erin one long pregnant look, saying nothing more and then she's gone. 

 

Leaving Erin alone with her ghosts and a silence full of questions. 

  
  


-

  
  


They spend the next two days in a blind panic. 

 

Abby does manage to get hold of Dr Gorin but she won't give them any information, insisting it's not her place to tell them anymore than they already know. 

 

Patty phones the contacts they have in the Mayor’s office and while the Mayor himself is sympathetic to their plight, he won't help. 

 

His hands are tied because they're still kind of doing this whole research thing ‘under the table’ and for him to bare his neck to the blade in order to help them is a risk he is not willing to take. 

 

He wishes them well and gives them a few names of people who may be able to help but they come to nothing as well. 

 

They hear nothing from Gorin after Abby’s initial conversation with her, despite several calls after they go twenty-four hours without an update from her. 

 

Abby is frustrated and Patty is worried and Erin is…

 

Honestly, Erin's not sure what she is. 

 

Scared and anxious because she's never seen the light go out of Holtzmann's eyes like it had when the men had called her by that other name. 

 

But, it's something else, too. 

 

There's this dull ache of numbness that doesn't leave her over those two days and she doesn't know why. 

 

It's natural to be upset, Holtzmann is noise and light and chaos and their friend. She’s a part of their family, too and every room feels empty with her absence. 

 

But it feels like more, like she's misplaced something and hasn't found it yet, and Erin doesn't know  _ why _ . 

  
  


-

  
  


Erin searches through Holtzmann's things at Abby's behest but she doesn't find anything. 

 

She's never realized before but it strikes her when she's looking with gentle hands through Holtzmann's things that she doesn't know very much about the engineer at all. 

 

She knows how she takes her coffee (black, with enough sugar to choke a small horse)  and what kind of pizza she likes (any and all form of meat, plus pineapple, hold the veggies) and how her eyes look when she's tired (cobalt along the outer iris, instead of their crystal blue) and how the line of her body changes when she's excited about her work, but Erin doesn't really  _ know _ anything about her. 

 

Erin knows she went to M.I.T. and that Dr Gorin oversaw her doctoral work and how she met Abby through an ad on Craigslist applying for a research partner, but that's all. 

 

She doesn't know where she was born or if she has any siblings or what she's allergic to and it breaks her heart a little because she doesn't think the others know either and why haven't they taken the time to find this out yet?

 

She knows Abby almost as well as she knows herself and Patty reasonably well now, too, but not Holtz. 

 

Because she's noisy and she's reckless and she's brash, but she's also quiet, and Erin wonders how they've never heard the silence scream before. 

  
  


-

  
  


She does find one thing in Holtzmann's desk, but she's not sure what to make of it so she doesn't say anything to the others. 

 

It's a letter, written on the back of a piece of butcher’s paper that Holtz uses to draw her prototype sketches on. 

 

Erin runs her fingers over the waxy paper to smooth it out and her skin warms at the familiar feeling and for a second she turns, feels the ghost of Jill at her shoulder like she normally is but there's nothing but air and Erin shudders as though someone had walked over her grave. 

 

It's hard to read the writing as crumpled as the paper is, most words totally illegible beneath scribbles of corrections but Erin can just make out some of it. 

 

There's a word at the top that looks like her name but it's been crossed out so heavily she can't be sure. 

 

It looks like a letter, but there's too much pencil lead bled out on the paper to know for a certainty. 

 

Some sentences begin and are crossed out and they look like they say ‘I need to tell you something but I don't know where to start’ and ‘talking is hard so I'll try writing instead’ and ‘most of the time I feel lost but sometimes I don't.’

 

None of it makes any sense to Erin but something about it feels like it should. 

 

She picks it up to crush it back into a ball like she'd found it when one last sentence catches her eye as the paper folds beneath her palms. 

 

‘I think I might be in…’

 

So she folds it up and puts it in her pocket instead. 

 

Just in case. 

 

-

  
  


They gather on the afternoon of the second day to discuss their options because it's been almost forty-eight hours since they heard from Rebecca and while none of them want to admit it, they're starting to worry that Holtzmann might not come back at all. 

 

They try and make a list of anyone they can think of that might be able to help them find out, but the list comes back woefully bare, because really, this isn't something any of them are really equipped to deal with. 

 

They're academics,  _ scientists _ and a historian and Erin watches as a ripple of fear passes through the room because truthfully, they know this is lost unless they hear back from Gorin soon. 

 

Afternoon becomes evening and Patty orders them pizza and slides a stiff gin and tonic towards each of them as they sit around the table at the firehouse together. 

 

The others look as deflated as Erin feels and she pushes her pizza away, taking a big sip of her drink instead. 

 

“What are we going to do?” Erin asks the others, filling the silence for the sake of it because she already knows the answer. 

 

“I don't think there's anything we can do. I've tried calling the I.C.E. but they won't tell me anything because I'm not  _ family _ .”

 

“So we just have to wait?” 

 

“I think so, Er. I mean can you think of anything else? I've spent the last two days racking my brain and I've come up blank.”

 

“Did y’all even know she wasn't born in the States?” Patty asks Erin and Abby. 

 

“Nope. Not at all. She's never really talked about her family but I figured they'd just had a falling out so I didn't push it.” Abby replies. “I guess it makes sense now why she never voted--I thought it was just because she was a total anarchist.” Patty snorts.

 

Erin just shakes her head, simply. 

 

“I can't imagine life without Holtz here. Can you?”

 

“At least we wouldn't go through so many fire extinguishers,” Patty offers weakly, trying to lighten the mood but her heart is clearly not in it, because  _ what if  _ that's their future. 

 

They're about to go back to eating in silence when they all hear the lock click on the door and they spin around in unison. 

 

In walks none other than Rebecca Gorin, flanked closely by Holtzmann and she looks like absolute Hell.

 

She looks like a ghost. 

  
  
-


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holtzmann returns to the firehouse and starts to fill the others in on a few of the gaps in her past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers, 
> 
> Thank you all so much for the response so far. I'm speaking for myself here but I know lj is the same - it's made us both very very happy because we adore this story so much. 
> 
> This chapter is a bit of a monster but has loads of pretty important back story as well as setting up the scene for the rest of the fic, so I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> xx tigerlo

She's pale, her skin almost waxy, still wearing the clothes from her arrest and the bags under her eyes tell Erin that she hasn't slept at all.

 

Her hair is loose and threatening to pull away at the pins that usually hold it so immaculately in place, and Erin can't help but think she looks oddly pretty in a displaced sense of the word.

 

Patty's the first one up and out of her chair, barreling up to Holtz before sweeping her into her arms.

 

Abby moves next and then finally, Erin.

 

Her hug feels looser than the others, like Holtzmann is holding back, but she doesn't say anything as they pull apart, too relieved to see her.

 

“Holtzy, what in the sweet Hell was that all about?” Patty asks, voice breaking over how worried she was but trying to remain calm. “We’ve all been worried sick.”

 

Erin looks to Holtzmann, eyes alight and desperate for information and she watches as the blonde takes in a deep breath, her eyes glazing over with tears and Rebecca puts her hand on Holtzmann's shoulder.

 

“I think this is going to require a reasonable amount of hard liquor,” Gorin says gesturing back to the table.

 

“Shall we?”

  


-

  


“You were born in Switzerland?” Patty says, incredulously.

 

“A border town off of the Rhine called [ Basel ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basel), primarily German and French ancestry,” Holtz deadpans, her hands wrapped firmly around the glass of whiskey in front of her.

 

She looks more solid now, less of a specter than when she walked through the door, but Erin blinks as she watches her talk and she thinks she sees Holtzmann's outline flicker.

 

“Jillian,” Gorin warns at her side. “Your friends deserve to know the truth.”

 

Erin watches as Holtzmann's shoulders fold and she raises her glass with a shaky hand, taking a sip of her drink before she starts.

 

“I was born in Switzerland. I came to the states when I was sixteen on a student visa and after I'd got my doctorate I just... kind of _stayed_.” Holtzmann took a swig from her glass, finishing it. But Erin could almost tell there was something she wasn’t saying.

 

“What about your family?” Erin asks, curious. “Don't they miss you?”

 

Erin watches as Gorin locks her jaw next to Holtzmann and the blonde's whole body just locks up.

 

She refills her glass and takes another sip--a much bigger one this time--before continuing.

 

“Don't have any.”

 

Erin's mouth falls open in shock and she watches as similar expressions cross the faces of the others.

 

None of them say anything, too scared they'll spook Holtzmann into silence so they wait for her to continue.

 

“That's why I came here. I didn't have anyone to go back for, so I stayed. Dr Gorin helped me change my name, all underground, once I finished my PhD and we thought we'd done a pretty good job of covering our tracks but I guess with all the Ghostbusters stuff, word got through to Immigration and Customs.” Holtzmann looked to Gorin, who returned her grave gaze back over the rim of her own glass.

 

“Holtzy, what do you mean you don't have a family? I’ve heard you talk about your parents before. What happened?”

 

“That doesn't matter now,” Gorin cuts Patty off. “What matters is what we need to do next.”

 

“What do you mean?” Erin asks, looking to Gorin.

 

“Well as it stands, Jillian will be removed from the country within the coming weeks, unless we can give Immigration a _reason_ to allow her to stay in the country.”

 

“What do you mean give them a reason?” Erin asks again, still confused.

 

“I have a number of friends in high places--but even I don’t have the authority to help them budge on this law. There is a statute that states we can keep Jillian in the country by proving that her leaving would create an ‘undue stress to a family member’.”

 

“We tried contacting the Mayor--you’d think with all of the Ghostbusters hype, that’d be enough?” Erin argued.

 

“Do I need to be the one to state the obvious?” Patty asks, dubiously.

 

“None of you are family. Yes, I realize this,” Gorin says impatiently.

 

“Then what are you proposing?” Abby asks, and the way her voice moves around her words suggests she already has an idea of what Gorin is about to say.

 

“None of you are family. Yet. But that _is_ something we have the power to change.”

 

Erin watches as Abby and Patty’s expressions change from a glazed confusion to a sharp awareness in a few seconds.

 

“You're not serious?” Patty asks, laughing shrewdly.

 

“Any of you will do,” Gorin replies, nonplussed. “It doesn't matter, not really. As long as it's convincing.”

 

“I still don't understand?” Erin asks quietly and Jillian turns to her, her blue eyes softening the moment they lock with Erin's.

 

“She's suggesting one of you marry me.”

 

Holtzmann's quiet voice shivers through the silence that's spread thin between them at Dr Gorin’s words.

 

“Which is ridiculous, and _not_ happening because this isn't your guys’ problem. It's _my_ problem. And I'm not about to drag them into this-” Holtzmann eyes Gorin as she finishes.

 

“Don't be stupid, Holtzy,” Patty says, seriously. “You know any of us would do anything if it meant keeping you here.”

 

“There is no way I’m allowing any of you to do this,” Holtzmann finalizes, and she looks pained and Erin thinks, for the first time since she's met her, close to tears. “There’s more at stake than you realize--not to mention it’s _illegal_.”

 

“Since when has that stopped any of us? Least of all, _you_ Holtzy?” Abby tried to lighten the mood, but her eyes were serious, gravely so.

 

“I won't. Look, I need to start getting things tidied up. Dr Gorin, thank you for everything. We've had a good run, but we knew there was a chance this wasn't going to last forever.”

 

Holtz stands up, starts to move but Abby stops her in her tracks.

 

“Holtzmann. Sit _down_.”

 

It's her stern voice.

 

The one that brokers no arguments.

 

The one she saves for when Holtzmann has done something particularly dangerous, stupid, or careless.

 

It works.

 

She slides back into her seat, next to Erin and she folds her hands in her lap, eyes not moving up to meet them. Erin folds and reaches out at last, placing a hand on the blonde’s arm, ignoring the spark that sends shivers up her own as Abby continues.

 

“Holtz, you know we're not going to let them just take you away, so stop your little pity party and start thinking with us.”

 

Gorin looks across the table at Abby, her mouth quirking up at the side ever so subtly.

 

Holtz still refuses to look up at Abby, playing with her fingernails, and Erin slides over closer without thinking and closes her hand around Holtz’s, halting the movement.

 

Holtz stills immediately.

 

Her entire body relaxes under Erin’s touch, turning to listen to Abby in the second that follows.

 

“So, what are our options? Realistically,” Abby asks the group, but focused on Gorin more than anyone.

 

“You know I'd marry you in a heartbeat, girl,” Patty says, her face softening as she turns to Holtz. “But my new guy and I have been all over social media, and I don't think they're going to buy the newly converted gay thing, either.”

 

“Patty,” Holtz says, clutching at her chest dramatically, a hint of her old self creeping back into her skin. “You wound me.”

 

“Holtz--you know I-” Abby starts, regrettably. Holtz and Abby lock eyes and Erin feels like she’s suddenly invading something _private_. She tries not to feel stung by the undercurrent of friendship between them, but she knows that Abby and Holtz are close and have known one another for many years.

 

“I know,” Holtz nods with a sad smile. “It’s okay. Besides, I couldn’t do this to your family.”

 

“I mean, I’d be more than happy to do it, but if they really did the groundwork into me they'd probably find enough holes to sink a ship in about five seconds flat,” Abby shakes her head.

 

Gorin looks at Abby, slightly confused, and Erin watches as Holtz turns to whisper something in her ear that sounds like ‘Ace, I'll explain later’ before Gorin nods solemnly and gestures to Abby to continue.

 

“And even if we _could_ actually explain this all to Kevin, what we needed him to do, we can't depend on him actually maintaining and not slipping up. Which really only leaves…”

 

Abby trails off and Erin watches as three sets of eyes trace across the room to meet hers.

 

Three, because Holtz is still sitting next to her, still under Erin’s hands in her lap, steadfastly refusing to look at Erin and suddenly stiff as stone.

 

She withdraws her hand when the realization of what they're insinuating settles in the spaces between her ribs and _throbs_.

 

Marry Holtz.

 

Jillian.

 

_Marry_ Jillian.

 

The others prick up and she realizes she must have said the last few words out loud.

 

“Me?” She asks turning slightly to look at Holtz.

 

“You're really the only option,” Abby says, her voice calm but spun through with a thread of steel. “It just isn't solid enough with any of us.”

 

Erin's mind is going a million miles an hour and she can tell that the others are judging her, frowns beginning to form in the lines of their faces because she she hasn't automatically said yes but it's just…complicated.

 

Because it's marriage, and of course she'd do anything to keep Holtz here with them but it's _marriage_.

 

To a woman.

 

To her colleague.

 

Gods above, what are her parents going to say when they find out?

 

What would the media say when they find out?

 

And the people she went to highschool with, and her old colleagues at Columbia and Phil and…

 

She's brought out of her desperate spiral by a soft voice at her shoulder.

 

“I'd never ask you to do anything, Erin. This was Rebecca’s idea and I said no from the start but she insisted on bringing it up anyway and it's…I've come…well I'm coming to terms with having to leave so please don't…”

 

“No,” Erin says, shaking her head. “I mean it's just a lot…but of course. Of course I will, Jill. How could I not?”

 

She watches as Holtz does look at her then, her face softening at Erin’s accidental use of her first name.

 

“It's just…it's not exactly how I imagined getting married, you know?” Erin says, trying to joke.

 

But it's hollow, like the way Holtz’s eyes look and it really isn't how she imagined she'd get married, _if_ she ever got married and _Gods_ , she needs some fresh air.

 

“It's the only way,” Gorin says seriously to Erin. “The only way we can keep her here, keep her sa…”

 

“Enough.”

 

Holtzmann's head shoots up at Rebecca's last word and she stops immediately, mid-syllable.

 

“It's the only way we can keep you here,” Gorin says, coolly, but Erin can see through the diversion easily.

 

She looks to the others but they don't seem bothered by her slip, so she makes a note to ask Holtz later.

 

“We will need to be thorough, to ensure the ruse is believable because they will do nothing short of interrogate you to find the holes.”

 

Erin feels Holtz move, unsettled beside her and she wants to reach out and take her hands again but it might… _married._

 

They want them to get married.

 

Holtz starts shaking her head.

 

“I need some air. I'll be back.”

 

Abby stands when Holtz stands, has hardly taken her eyes off Holtz the whole time they've been sitting here, except when Erin or Gorin were talking.

 

Erin knows, because she's been watching, too.

 

“Holtzmann, wait,” Abby says, calling after her but she doesn't turn.

 

Erin stands, desperate for a few lungfuls of cool air, too.

 

_Married_.

 

They'll be married.

 

“I'll go,” she says easily, and she's surprised at how calm her voice sounds when she does speak.

 

Abby looks at her, uncertain.

 

“I don't think-” she starts as Erin raises an eyebrow at her. “You know what, go. Go. Talk to your _fiancée_.”

 

The emphasis on the word isn't unkind, but Erin can see it for the challenge it is.

 

Because Abby knows her, too.

 

Abby knows what she's afraid of and how her mind works, and Erin knows this is a test.

 

Erin doesn't say anything, just grabs two glasses and the bottle of liquor and makes her way to the roof.

 

“You coulda asked,” Patty grumbles, but half-heartedly as she goes to grab another bottle for the rest of them to continue sharing.

 

She pushes the door open and can see Holtz disturbingly close to the edge across the roof.

 

Holtz turns at the sound of the door, and she looks genuinely surprised to see Erin there.

 

“Thought you could use a drink?” Erin says, raising the bottle and glasses in question.

 

“You have no idea,” Holtz says, and her voice sounds tired, as tired as the bent lines of her body.

 

Erin walks over slowly before setting the glasses on the ledge of the roof and pouring them each a generous measure.

 

“Sláinte,” Holtz says, raising her glass to knock quietly against Erin's.

 

“Is that?”

 

“Swiss? Nah, Gaelic. I went out with a Scottish girl in engineering school. Big drinkers,” Holtz says as she takes a big sip.

 

“To health,” Holtz says, toasting the city as she takes another drink.

 

“ _Tesla_ , I wish I had a cigarette.”

 

Erin turns, surprised.

 

“I didn't know you smoked?”

 

“Don't. It's a nervous habit. Makes me feel braver sometimes.”

 

“Suppose I'm going to have to learn all of those little quirks, huh?”

 

She watches as Holtz sets her glass down, bracing through her diaphragm before she turns to Erin.

 

“Er, look. I don't want you to do this. I know what marriage means to you and I know that you're worried about people will think and it's…it's ok. I always knew this was a possibility. It's why I never put roots down.”

 

“Jill,” Erin says and her whole body kind of deflates as she speaks, goes softer. “Come on. You can’t really believe I’m going to just _not_ do this and let them send you away, do you?”

 

Holtz is quiet for a minute, and Erin can see her struggling around Erin’s words.

 

The silence echoes between them so long that Erin wonders if Holtzmann is actually going to say anything at all.

 

“No,” Holtz says, and it’s so soft Erin actually has to take a step closer just to hear her. “I don’t. Because you’re a far better person that I deserve, Erin Gilbert.”

 

Erin sighs in a deep, _deep_ relief because while she knows Holtz wants to stay, she’s met the stubborn side of Holtz and knows that once she sets her mind to something... and Erin hadn’t been sure she could talk _that_ devil down if she had to.

 

“Good. It’s sorted then. We’ll get married, and you’ll stay, and we’ll all live happily ever after.”

 

Holtz laughs, but it’s hollow and it sounds more like a bark than anything joyful.

 

“Gorin explained the details a bit to me. I.C.E. would require a minimum of two years for me to be able to at least be made a legal citizen again, so long as I stay married. _Two_ _years,_ Erin. I can’t ask you to give up two years of your life.”

 

“You don’t have to,” Erin says quietly. “Because they’re _mine_ , and I get to decide what I do with them. And I want to give them to you.”

 

“You don’t know what you’re giving up…”

 

Erin moves in towards the blonde’s body, placing her chin on top of Holtz’s shoulder and is shocked how the blonde immediately relaxes into Erin’s hold.

 

“Yes I do, ok? I do.”

 

Holtz is quiet again and she drops her head and her shoulders shudder beneath her next breath beside Erin, and Erin worries for a second that Holtz is actually going to cry.

 

But then she looks to Erin, and her eyes are light and crystal clear like a glacier and she smiles, her soft, warm smile that she _only_ gives to Erin and no one else.

 

“That’s my line.”

 

“Oh my God,” Erin says rolling her eyes. “You know what, I take it back. I refuse to marry someone with lines that bad.”

 

“No backsies, babe,” Holtz says, smiling sadly as she picks up their glasses. “You’re stuck with me now. What do you say we head back inside of our own free will before the others come find us, and drag us back to finalize the details?”

  


-

  


They go back inside and together they set Erin and Holtzmann’s fate in stone.

 

They’ll move in together as soon as possible, and they’ll slowly start to learn everything they can about each other in the event that they get called in and interrogated.

 

They decide on Erin’s apartment because it’s slightly closer to the firehouse and it’s newer, and Holtz doesn’t want to inconvenience her anymore by asking her to give up the space she’s become so comfortable in.

 

They’ll need to get _properly_ married, Gorin insists, not court-house married because it’ll be more believable if it’s big, and not some small and boring paper-based, unromantic legal affair.

 

Erin will need to tell her parents as soon as possible too, although that’s not so urgent because even if Immigration does call them, it’s not as though their relationship with their daughter is ‘water-tight’ but still.

 

The _charade_ needs to be as convincing as possible, Gorin reminds them.

 

Erin glances at that word, and it doesn’t leave her.

 

It stays with her long after they break for the night, agreeing to reconvene in the morning.

 

It stays with her the whole way home, waits for her to get into bed before it settles solidly into her bones, and she’s not sure why.

 

She doesn’t know why it bothers her so much because technically, Gorin’s not wrong.

 

This _is_ a charade.

 

But then why does it feel like something more?

 

_That_ question takes a back seat to a fit of panic that sets in once the quiet of her apartment settles around her.

 

She’s spent all night consumed with the worry of what other people will think, but now, in the dark of her bedroom, a room she’s about to share with Jillian Holtzmann for the next _two years_ , the weight of what she has agreed to hits her like a bullet.

 

She’s actually going to _marry_ Holtz.

 

She’s going to marry her.

 

In front of people.

 

She’s always been a big over-processer, and Erin can’t help but wonder what the Hell this all means for _her_.  

 

Because if Erin’s honest.

 

Really, really honest to the silence around her, she’s always felt _something_ between them.

 

She had always assumed that it was just a brilliant academic rapport, or Holtzmann’s charisma bleeding between them but what if it’s _more_.

 

Erin knows.

 

A small, silent part of her knows that if she had to marry Patty or Abby, it wouldn’t be the same.

 

_This_ wouldn’t be the same.

 

There would be no panic, or desperate questions to the stars in the middle of the night.

 

Because Erin knows she would do anything for them.

 

But she’d do _everything_ for Holtz.

 

She’s just not sure _why_.

  


-

  


Erin sleeps very little.

 

She wakes, tired, but alert and arrives at the firehouse well before eight am to find Dr Gorin and Holtzmann already waiting for her.

 

Her eyes flicker to the blonde and she looks as tired as Erin feels.

 

“Did you sleep at all?” Erin asks her quietly.

 

“Nah. No rest for the wicked,” Holtz jokes, although the cynicism drops from between her words.

 

Erin smiles back at her, wanting to ease the worry she can see set in the frame of Holtzmann’s shoulders.

 

Erin moves to put a cup of coffee on, because caffeine fixes everything, before she realises there are three takeaway cups on the table in front of the others.

 

“I know you don't sleep well when you're…I mean--I thought you'd probably need it this morning,” Holtzmann says, shrugging, trying for casual as she slides the cup towards Erin.

 

It's still hot so they can't have beaten her in by much.

 

She takes a sip, more than a little touched by the simple gesture, but before she can mouth more than a quick _thank you_ , Holtz clears her throat roughly.

 

“Er, look before the others get here I wanted to say something; I know you were okay last night but we really put you on the spot and I want you to know that I will be okay regardless--but are you really sure you still want to do this?”

 

Gorin turns, her face straight with frustration before Holtz turns to her, her face equally lined.

 

“No matter what you say, we _did_ put her in a shitty position last night. She doesn’t owe me anything and I won’t force her to _marry me_ if this isn’t something she wants.”

 

Erin reaches across the table, settling her hand over the curve of Holtz’s wrist.

 

“Jill, it's ok. I _want_ to. Truly, I do. I know it's a big commitment but…you _can't_ leave. And if this is what it takes, then so be it.”

 

Erin watches as Holtz softens and she knows then why the blonde hasn't slept.

 

Because she was worried Erin was going to back out.

 

She was worried the price would be too much and Erin would break.

 

“You didn't really think I'd change my mind, did you?”

 

Holtz doesn't say anything. She just shrugs sadly and bites her lip.

 

She closes her eyes for a moment and sees Holtz lying in bed, arms crossed behind her head, fully clothed and worrying away every second of the darkness.

 

Worrying about Erin and planning how she was going to begin to pack her life up, and it breaks Erin's heart a little.

 

“It's just--I'm asking you to give up so much. _Too_ much.”

 

“You're not asking me anything that is not perfectly within my mental capacity to answer, thank you very much,” Erin says, her voice soft, yet stern.

 

“But-”

 

“No buts,” Erin cuts across sharply.

 

“Whose butts?” Patty asks as they walk through the door in the next second.

 

Holtz is looking at Erin as if to say ‘this isn't over’ and Erin's trying to tell her ‘yes, I think you'll find it is’ but the others are looking at them expectantly so she just mouth’s _later_ instead.

 

“Nothing,” Erin says shaking her head. “We were just discussing some of the finer details.”

 

“So,” Abby says, sounding a little surprised and Erin can't help but smart at that. “You're really going to do this?”

 

“Of course,” Erin says at the same time that Holtz mumbles something that sounds like ‘against her better judgement,’ and Erin aims a kick under the table at her shins.

 

“So,” Erin says, seriously. “Where do we go from here?”

 

-

 

It all comes together reasonably easy from there.

 

Holtz will move in with Erin over the next day, because really, the sooner the better.

 

Patty uses their official social media channels to notify the general masses of their engagement.

 

Erin bristles at this initially, not keen on the public announcement, but Patty shuts her down quickly.

 

“Listen to me girl, you're as smart as all Hell but I know this, ok? If you want to make it believable you've got to let me work my magic.”

 

“You know she's right, Er,” Abby says softly.

 

**_@pattytolan_gb_ **

_My girls Holtzy & Erin FINALLY set a date! ‘Bout damn time those lovebirds made it official! #ghostbusters #wedding _9:22AM - 3 AUG 17

 

Within moments the retweet and favorites count begin increasing and Patty’s phone, as well as the computer monitor begin blowing up with notifications.

“Hashtag _Holtzbert_? What the-?” Erin squinted as she read one of the random replies.

 

“That’s y’all’s ship name, apparently,” Patty explained.

 

“We don’t have a boat?”

 

Patty shook her head.

 

“Just--nevermind.” She mutters something under her breath that sounds something like _white women_ … but Erin ignores her as Patty posts the same thing on FaceBook, only to immediately be responded to by Kevin who is sitting at his desk across the room.

 

**_Patty Tolan_ **

_It’s official! Dr’s Erin Gilbert & Holtzmann are finally going to get hitched! #Ghostbusters #wedding #SaveTheDate _.

_Posted 12 min. ago - Public - 413 people like this._

 

**_Kev B._ **

_Why would they need to hatch? Are they having chickens?_

_Posted 9 min. ago - Public - 12 people like this._

 

**_Abby L. Yates_ **

_Kev, just stick to answering the phones…_

_Posted 8 min. ago - Public - 28 people like this._

 

**_Kev. B._ **

_Sure boss, but they’re not ringing right now. Maybe you should get your ears checked?_

_Posted 7 min. ago - Public - 33 people like this._

 

Patty rolled her eyes as Abby stormed over to snatch Kevin’s phone from his hands at the comment.

 

Abby is distracted by yelling at Kevin about the phones and Holtz is sitting on the other side of Patty, staring at the screen, too. She's hardly said anything since the others arrived.

 

“Excuse us for a minute, will you?” Erin says and then she's pushing herself up out of her chair, taking Holtz’s hand in hers, dragging them upstairs to their lab.

 

Erin pulls them well into the room, out of earshot of the others downstairs.

 

“You need to stop this. I've said I'm in this for the long haul. I need you to please start respecting my decision making ability because I _am_ an adult and I do understand the consequences of this, alright?”

 

She watches as Holtzmann's head drops, her shoulders sagging and Erin _hates_ this.

 

Because this isn't Holtz.

 

This is a shadow, and all she wants is her-- _their_ Holtzmann back.

 

“I didn't mean…I mean the last thing I want is to disrespect you, I just…Erin, I don't know if I can do this.”

 

“Holtz--Jill. Listen. We already spend all of our time together at work. I know you think this is some huge deal, but really, we’re only making this official on paper to satisfy the government. Nothing between us has to change-” Erin ignores the small pang in her gut at the thought of Holtzmann rejecting her.

 

“I mean--is-is it _me_ ? Is the thought of marrying me _that_ unbearable?” Erin asks, afraid to know the answer as her insecurities come to light.

 

Holtzmann’s head snaps up at that unexpected question.

 

Her mouth opens, then closes, then opens again, doing a marvellous impression of a fish out of water--or a scientist out of her element.

 

“Er...”

 

Erin cuts her a break instead, pushing down the swelling lump in her throat.

 

“Do you want to leave?”

 

“No,” Holtz says quickly, almost snapping the word out. “I just…the guilt is killing me, Erin. I hate that I have to ask you to do this.”

 

“Well, it needs to stop. Because we can't do this if you're not in it one-hundred percent. There isn't room for guilt. It doesn't have any place here. And it never will, on my end at least. Can you accept that?”

 

Erin's voice is soft, like she's speaking to a silent forest and she chances moving then, reaches halfway for Holtz’s hand and waits for the blonde to move if she wants it.

 

She does.

 

Holtzmann reaches for Erin’s hand and they still stand with a reasonable amount of space between them but it makes Erin feel _grounded_.

 

“You're sure?” Holtz asks and her voice is slightly different now, less pained and filled with something akin to hope.

 

“One-hundred-and-ten percent,” Erin says, smiling a little.

 

“That's an improper number, Gilbert. And you know it.”

 

That's better, Erin thinks with a smile, taking a deep breath as she watches Holtzmann mirror her movement.

 

“Shut up,” Erin says, unlocking their hands and pushing softly at Holtz’s shoulder. “Let's go back down and get this over with, hm?”

 

Holtzmann braces herself, and for a second Erin thinks she's going to object again but she just smiles back.

 

“Lead the way, my _love_.”

  


-

  


The two of them walk downstairs, the mood between them considerably lighter but the delicate peace is shattered once they see what awaits them.

 

Abby, Patty and Gorin are sitting round the table with two of the men who took Holtz away three days ago.

 

Erin bristles immediately, and she reaches out an arm blindly behind her for Holtzmann who Erin felt stop dead a few steps behind her.

 

“What the Hell are you doing here?” Erin says, not bothering with a polite pretense.

 

“We just came to check in and congratulate Miss Hölstrom on her engagement,” One of the men says evenly.

 

“It’s Holtzmann,” Erin says, her voice sharp. “And we thank you very much.”

 

“And you are?” The other man says, stepping forward as if to challenge Erin.

 

“Her _fiancée_ ,” Erin says, calmly.

 

“Ah, good. Just the person we were looking for. You’ll be Miss…?”

 

“Gilbert,” Erin clarifies. “Doctor Gilbert.”

 

“Well _Doctor_ Gilbert, we will require you to undergo an interview to ascertain the legitimacy of your relationship with Miss Hölstrom. Today. At noon, if that isn’t going to be any trouble.”

 

It wasn’t a request.

 

“That won’t be a problem, will it?” The other gentleman asks, visibly searching Erin and Holtz for signs of panic.

 

“Not at all,” Erin replies coolly, feeling the panic swap for anger as the arrogant Agent questions her. “Leave the address with our receptionist and we’ll see you soon.”

 

He doesn’t break eye contact with Erin, and Erin refuses to be the one to fold so they stand there in a stiff silence until the man’s companion taps him on the shoulder.

 

“Soon,” The other man replies, and with that they’re gone, leaving half of them stunned and the other half, furious.

 

Holtz waits until the door closes behind them before she collapses onto the stair she’s standing on, dropping her head into her hands.

 

“What the Hell are we going to do?” Holtz mumbles into her hands.

 

It takes Erin a moment to shake the rage from her mind but when she finally takes in Holtzmann’s position she bends.

 

“Hey,” she says, crouching down to Holtz’s level. “Jill, look it’s going to be fine, ok?”

 

She looks up at Erin, her face white with fear and panic.

 

“They’re going to question you Er, and-and I’m _so_ sorry. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen.”

 

“Holtz, look at me,” Erin snaps, not unkindly, but firmly enough to gain Holtzmann’s attention. “It’s going to be fine. We knew this would likely happen. We can only do what we can do, alright? Besides, I don’t know about you, but I feel like I already know _far_ too much about you.”

 

Holtz laughs a little at that, and Erin watches her calm slightly.

 

“You’re not scared?”

 

“No,” Erin says, firmly. “I promise.”

 

Erin stays that way, crouched in front of Holtz for a few seconds before something clicks in her mind and she turns to Gorin with a frown.

 

“That was a fast reaction to the news--do you think they’re spying on our accounts?” Erin asks, trying to not let her worry overtake her voice. Patty checked her phone, puzzled but then Holtz spoke up.

 

“You didn’t?” Holtz deadpans.

 

“Didn’t what?” Erin asks, still confused, turning to the blonde. Holtz is looking past Erin’s shoulder to a stiff Dr Gorin, who crosses her arms at the accusatory tone, and then looks back to Erin.

 

“That’s how she got them to release me. You lied and said I already had a fiancée? Your version of ‘undue stress to a family member’ was to tell them that stress would be to my _wife-to-be?_ What if I’d said _no_ to this stupid plan?”

 

Holtzmann’s voice was calm before, but there’s a bite of steel in it when she directs it to Gorin now.

 

“Surely you wouldn’t have thought I’d just let them _remove_ you, Jillian. I would have dragged you kicking and screaming into this arrangement if I had to. Luckily, Doctor Gilbert here has done an excellent job of that for us. Sans force, of course.”

 

“Unbelieveable,” Holtz throws her hands up in the air, exasperated.

 

“Jillian, we don’t have time for this now,” Gorin says firmly. “We need to keep moving. In a few hours’ time those men will be attempting to take strips off of Doctor Gilbert, and we need to do what we can with what little time we have left.”

 

Dr Gorin looks around her, assessing what little she currently has at her disposal.

 

“I will take Doctor Yates and Miss Tolan and that poor man you call a receptionist to begin moving as many of your personal items to Miss Gilbert’s apartment, on the off chance that they wish to make a house call this evening, and in the meantime I suggest the two of you get to know each other as much as possible before noon. Anything a true couple would know about one another. Remember ladies, details are _key_.”

 

Erin watches, slightly puzzled, as Gorin puts a strange emphasis on her last sentence, and she gives Holtzmann a look of significance that Erin doesn’t understand the meaning of.

 

Gorin and Holtz hold a near impossible staring competition and then she’s gone, taking the others with her.

 

The room quiets considerably once the others leave and Erin takes a deep breath that stretches her lungs for what feels like the first time in a _month_ , before she walks a quick circle around the room stopping in front of Holtz.

 

“Hey,” Erin says, quietly. “I know this is fast, but we don’t really have much time Jill, and I need you with me. Are you?”

 

Holtz still has her head in her hands, but she looks up as Erin pulls a chair to sit opposite her.

 

“I hate being called Jill,” Holtz says, smiling sadly. “Did you know that?”

 

“What do you mean? I call you Jill all the time?” Erin asks confused.

 

“Hate it. Always have.”

 

“But...then why-?”

 

“Only two people in the whole world get to call me Jill or Jillian. Rebecca--and now, you.”

 

“But you hate it.” Erin frowns. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

 

“I dunno why--it’s never been--I just never hated it when you call me that, so I didn’t bother.”

 

“I can stop now, if you want?”

 

“Nah. Like I said, I don’t hate it when you say it. Plus, it’s _hard_ to train you out of anything Gilbert. Remember how long it took me to get you to stop biting my whiteboard markers? It’d just be a waste of my time.”

 

Erin looks at Holtz, mild offense crossing her features before Holtz smiles and breaks the tension.

 

“Now,” Holtz says pulling Erin’s chair closer to her by the legs. “Tell me what your favourite color was when you were four.”

  


-

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be afraid to stop by and let us know what you thought of this chapter/what you're the most excited about happening/any other thoughts you have. 
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> xx tigerlo


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin gets interrogated and Jillian moves in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll keep it short and sweet. Thank you to everyone following this, your comments and kudos make us very very happy.
> 
> The chapters going forward are going to be quite big so please let us know if you can't keep up!
> 
> Enjoy your next batch of torture...
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> xx tigerlo
> 
>  
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> and
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> be afraid....be very VERY afraid - ljthebard

The next few hours pass in what Erin swears is actually only about five minutes.

 

Holtz had softened initially, and they had made some reasonable ground on some of the questions because Erin hadn’t been joking when she said they more or less spend all of their days together, and when Holtz did speak, Erin listened and she’s surprised by how much she actually knows, but Holtz has progressively gotten quieter and quieter in the last twenty minutes.

 

They’re pulling their jackets on ready to leave when Erin notices Holtz’s hands are actually shaking as she threads them into her sleeves.

 

“Hey. Holtz, what’s going on? You need to talk to me because we need to go,” Erin says, trying hard to keep the desperation out of her voice.

 

“I don’t think I can do this,” Holtz says, and her voice is shaking now, too.

 

“Jill--we don’t have _time_ -”

 

Holtz leans heavily into the back of the door, sliding down to the floor, posture sullen.

 

Erin can tell there’s something there, something that Holtz is hanging onto like it’s the last piece of her heart, and Erin doesn’t know what to do as Holtz scratches her nails up and down her own thighs in desperation.

 

Erin watches as the clear blue of her eyes turn glassy, at a complete loss for what to do as Holtzmann starts to cry silently.

 

Erin does drop to her knees then, desperate to apply pressure to this wound and do something-- _anything_ to help.

 

“Jillian… _Jill_. Please, don’t cry? Look at me.” Erin takes the blonde’s hands and crystal blue eyes open and widen at the sight of Erin on her knees in front of her.

 

“We can do this. We can do this together, I promise. Whatever this thing is that you can’t tell me? _It doesn’t matter_. It won’t change anything, alright? Nothing will ever change between us or how I feel about you.

 

I know you’re afraid--I wish I knew why, and we’re both exhausted, but _it doesn’t matter_ . When has there ever been anything that the two of us couldn’t get past? I know you feel guilty and angry. I need you to stop doubting this, stop doubting _me,_ because we need to be solid. I can be solid for you, and I know you can be solid for me. I know two years is a long time but Hell, it could be worse. It could be Kevin.”

 

Holtz does laugh at this, a small laugh but one that still lifts her shoulders ever so slightly.

 

Erin softens, leans closer to Holtz and can’t stop herself from reaching out to push a stray strand of hair back behind her ear.

 

“We need you. New York needs you. _I_ need you. _I’m_ not ready to let you go. And I will spend the next two years chained to your side-- _gladly so_ , if it means I get to keep you here with us.”

 

Erin leans back then, squaring her shoulders as she dips one knee to the ground, wincing at the concrete against her knee through the thin material of her slacks. She takes a long slow breath before she takes Holtz’s hands in hers again.

 

“Jillian Holtzmann, will you marry me?”

 

Erin’s heart is racing, completely dumbfounded by her own bravery, hoping it isn’t showing on her face, and her brain is screaming at her, but all she can see, hear or think about is the beautiful, brave and strong woman in front of her.

 

Holtzmann, whose eyes are looking at her, _through_ her, into a small part of her soul that Erin doesn’t think anyone else has tried to see before.

 

There’s a beat, and all the noise in Erin’s body slows to the small tight space between the two of them.

 

And then Holtzmann nods.

 

A small, watery nod and a beautiful smile and Erin pulls her quickly into a tight hug.

 

Their bodies soften and bend perfectly around each other in a way that Erin has never experienced before and thinks that she may never experience again _._

 

“Solid?” Erin breathes into the softness of her friend--no, _fiancée’s_ \--neck, relaxing further into the scent of earthy musk and scorched metal.

 

“Solid.” Holtz’s voice is muffled, but true.

 

Now.

 

And maybe _forever_ , too.

 

“Come on,” Erin says breaking away, trying not to gasp in surprise at the sensation of loss that hits her in the chest as they part. “We’ve got a date with the devil.”

  


-

  


The room is cold and impersonal, and to begin with all Erin can think about was the look of panic on Holtzmann’s face as she’d watched Erin walk off with her escort.

 

They had taken Erin directly to a private interview room, where she currently sits across the table from a gentleman in a cookie-cutter government issued suit, eyeing her with an undercurrent of distinct distaste.

 

They sit in silence for a few minutes, the man completely ignoring Erin until eventually he looks at his watch, presses RECORD on the tape recorder on the table between them, finally looking up.

 

“Good afternoon Ms. Gilbert, thank you for coming down to see us on such short notice.”

 

His tone is lazy and disinterested, but official and Erin but can’t help but bristle because this is their fucking _lives_ , and not someone’s casual day job.

 

He looks down and speaks to the recorder, not Erin, which only makes her frown deeper.

 

“This is Agent Daniel Roberts, third of August 2017, current time is 12:30 EST. State your name for the record Miss-”

 

“ _Doctor_ Gilbert. Erin, if you please, Mr-?”

 

“Agent Roberts-- _Doctor_. Let me be clear that for the purpose of this meeting today is to gauge the raw integrity of your engagement to Ms. Jillian Hölstrom.”

 

“ _Holtzmann_ ,” Erin corrects him, trying to keep her breathing--and tone--even. “Jillian Holtzmann. Although I’ve always called her Jill. Holtz, occasionally.”

 

“As you say. For the intent of this interview however, I will be referring to her by her legal name.”

 

Erin frowns, not that the man notices as focused as he is on the recorder and the notebook in front of him.

 

“Can you tell me how long you and Ms. Hölstrom have known one another?”

 

“One year, and twenty-three days,” Erin answers, honestly.

 

At the Agent’s raised eyebrow Erin clarifies, her voice deadpan.

 

“I’m a scientist, Mr Roberts. Numbers are sort of my thing.”

 

“Uh-huh,” he replies, looking bored once again.

 

He jots something else down on his notepad before continuing.

 

“And what were the circumstances that led to your meeting?”

 

“I went to see an old friend, Dr. Abigail Yates, about a book she’d published with both of our names on it--Jill worked in the lab with her at the Kenneth P. Higgins Institute and-” Erin trails off, suddenly remembering with a laugh.

 

Agent Roberts looks up at her pause, looking both completely disinterested and unmoved by Erin’s sudden recollection, waving his hand to urge her on.

 

“She used a pick-up line on me,” Erin completes, still smiling in spite of him.

 

“And is that when you two started dating?”

 

Erin laughs, cynically.

 

“No. _Goodness_ no, I was still dating someone at that point in time anyhow; an ex-colleague.”

 

“Then when did your relationship begin with Miss Hölstrom?”

 

Erin sits up straighter in her chair, setting her shoulders firmly, shaking the fondness that had settled over her like a warmth from her frame as her eyes narrow at the man again.

 

“Three months later, two weeks after we saved New York,” Erin replies, her voice hard again.

 

Erin watches as the Agent shakes his head, writing something down on his pad again.

 

He doesn’t say a word and Erin doesn’t offer any further explanation, locking her jaw as she waits for the next question.

 

“When is Ms. Hölstrom’s date of birth?”

 

“September 16th, 1984.”

 

“When did you become engaged to Ms. Hölstrom?”

 

“July 15th. Last month.”

 

“Any particular reason behind the event?”

 

“How do you mean?”

 

“Are you aware, Miss-”

 

“ _Doctor_ ,” Erin cut in, sharply.

 

She’s not harsh like this, ever, but this guy is plucking at every raw nerve Erin’s ever had with his blasé attitude, and she’s just about had enough.  

 

He squares his own shoulders then, dropping his pen to look Erin directly in the eye.

 

Erin _almost_ flinches under the sudden harshness of his steely gaze but she remembers Holtz’s face as she had walked away, and she remembers what’s at stake, and she grits her teeth as he begins to speak.

 

“Doctor Gilbert, are you _aware_ that falsely agreeing to marry an illegal alien in the United States for the purpose of keeping them here is considered a Federal Crime? Punishable by up to at least five years in federal prison, along with a hefty fi-”

 

“Agent Roberts,” Erin snaps finally, her tone hard and uncharacteristically authoritative.

 

Her hands are shaking under the table, grateful that he can’t see them because he might mistake the tremor for fear when really it’s anger that has set her teeth on edge.

 

“I am well aware what this may _seem_ to look like to you and your fellow officers here at Immigration. But let me be clear--Jillian _Holtzmann_ and I are simply two people in love. Did I know everything about Jillian when we began dating? No, but when you realize that you have the rest of your lives to learn about the other, especially someone as multifaceted as her, these sort of things become obsolete as they bow before the whole.”

 

He frowns, obviously desperate to interrupt but Erin she continues firmly before he does.

 

“What I _do_ know however, and what I _can_ tell you is that we’ve planned a life together, one piece at a time and not in a sweeping future, because we have a dangerous job that very realistically could end our lives at any moment. And while you coming along and attempting to arrest her might have caused us to react a little irrationally and erratically, I know we will be _fine_ . Because we handle things together, like we always have. I promise you, Agent Roberts that no matter what you may think, this entire situation may have thrown a wrench into our plans about having a longer engagement, but I am willing to do what I must to keep the _love of my life_ by my side.”

 

The room is _silent_ but to Erin it’s **loud**.

 

She can hear her blood screaming through her veins and she’s breathing heavily and her hands are gripped white-knuckled on the edge of the table as she stares him down.

 

He contemplates Erin for a moment, dropping his pencil softly on his notebook before folding his hands in front of him,

 

“You seem passionate about this Doctor Gilbert, but do not assume me a fool. We have tested others equally so and found them false in the end.”

 

“So _test_ us,” Erin says, coolly. “And see the truth for yourself.”

 

She doesn’t drop her gaze for a second, willing him to see the fury rolling off her body towards him.

 

“Is there anything else?”

 

“No,” he says evenly, hitting stop on the recorder. “That will do. _For now_.”

  


-

  
  


“Twenty days,” Erin says as they walk back to her apartment in the low light of the late afternoon. “We have to get married within twenty days. Is that even possible?”

 

“Come on Er, you can solve an equation with a bigger surface area than my entire body, of course you can plan a wedding in twenty days.”

 

“Uh-uh,” Erin says shaking her head, laughing. “ _We_ , Jillian. _We_ can. There’s no way I’m planning anything on my own.”

 

Holtzmann laughs, but looks about ready to argue when they arrive at Erin’s apartment building and Erin watches as recognition of their location stops Holtz still.

 

Erin’s not sure what it is, but something crosses Holtz’s face that looks like longing and **home**.

 

“Everything ok?” Erin asks, looking up following Holtz’s eyes.

 

“I’ve never lived with anyone before,” Holtz says, smiling shyly. “I don’t actually know what to do.”

 

“Oh,” Erin says, taken aback.

 

She’s not a jealous person, never has been, so it wouldn’t have mattered anyway, but the idea that she will be the first person Holtzmann has ever actually lived with--shared a home with--makes Erin feel _warm_.

 

Erin unlocks the front door before holding her hand out for Holtz to take, making a mental note to get a new key for Holtz as soon as possible.

 

“It’ll be easy,” Erin says smiling, and she’s surprised at how deep she feels those words in her bones.

 

“I’ll show you.”

  


-

  


Holtzmann doesn’t have much in the way of worldly possessions Erin finds out when they walk through her front door.

 

There are a few small boxes, a bottle of champagne and a note on the kitchen bench, but not much else.

 

“Is this really all of your things?” Erin asks, shocked.

 

“I told you,” Holtz shrugs, nonchalant. “I didn’t want to put roots down.”

 

“Well,” Erin says lightly, taking in the slightly hurt look on Holtz’s face. “At least it won’t take us long to unpack, huh?”

 

Holtz gives her a small smile before she walks slowly around Erin’s apartment, through the small kitchen and lounge, her fingertips dragging along the back of the couch.

 

“You have a lovely home, Er.” Erin looks up at that.

 

“I forget that you’ve never been here before,” Holtz shrugs. “Well, it’s small. But it’s home, _our_ home. So settle in properly. I won’t have you living out of boxes any longer. Unpack.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“One hundred and ten percent,” Erin says smiling, teasing to break the tension slightly. “For now though, sit down. You want a drink?”

 

“Please,” Holtz says gratefully as she folds herself into Erin’s couch.

 

Erin prepares their drinks, popping open the cork on the bottle of champagne that Abby had left with a note that had her scrawl addressing them with a ‘ _welcome home ;)._ ’ Erin rolls her eyes, filling two glasses before walking out into the living room with drinks in hand and her breath catches in her throat when she takes in the picture.

 

The only concrete thing her mind can settle on, because the rest is a gentle _thud.. thud.. thud_ to match the pace of her heart, is that Erin doesn’t think she’s ever seen anything more _solid_ than Jillian Holtzmann, waiting for Erin with soft _soft_ eyes as she walks over to join her.

  


-

  


The rest of the evening passes pleasantly as Erin shows Holtz the in’s and out’s of the apartment.

 

There's not much to learn because it really _is_ small, but it's time consuming enough that their stomachs are rumbling by the time they walk down from their visit up to the roof.

 

“That's kind of all you have to know,” Erin shrugs closing the door behind them as Holtz walks through into the kitchen. “But I mean, I'll be here with you anyway if you do forget anything.”

 

“Thanks Er, really. For everything. For having me here. I know it's kind of a massive pain in the ass but I promise I'll be a good house guest.”

 

“Do you think you can still call yourself a house guest if you're going to be here for two years?” Erin asks curiously.

 

“Fine. I promise to be a good companion then?”

 

“Hmmm, nope still not enough,” Erin says frowning.

 

She's having Holtz on now but she doesn't know if the blonde has picked up on it yet, so she decides to drag it out a bit more.

 

“Partner?”

 

“We're not in a law-firm.”

 

“Best friend?”

 

Erin feels a dull thud in her chest at Holtzmann’s words that settles into a small spark that burns hot in the little space beside her heart.

 

“Closer,” Erin says, a small smile playing at the corner of her mouth.

 

Holtz grins, too. Evidently picking up on what Erin's playing at.

 

“Fiancée?”

 

“For now.”

 

Holtz drops her head for a second and when she looks back at Erin her eyes are clear and the smile on her face is simple, but bright and for a second, Erin feels the warmth of the universe behind it.

 

“Wife?”

 

Holtz’s question is soft and gentle but it's more than that.

 

Erin can see something behind her eyes that looks an awful lot like the spark in Erin's chest feels like.

 

Erin counts the space between their breaths and the mood of the room changes, just for a second, and suddenly Erin can feel a new feeling stretch out before her.

 

It's unfamiliar but it tastes sweet in her mouth and she thinks that maybe… _maybe_ it's **hope**.

 

But it's new, because she hasn't felt this before.

 

She's felt curiosity, sure. And warmth, yes. And kindness, always.

 

But this is new.

 

And it makes Erin _hungry_.

 

It makes her body shift slightly like she's craving something, but doesn't know what she wants.

 

And then she turns that word over in her head.

 

_Wife_.

 

And suddenly the fire in her heart is lit.

 

She looks at Holtz suddenly and it's like every corny stereotype in a movie about knights and princesses because suddenly she sees the engineer before her in perfect clarity for the first time.

 

And there's this second, this dangerously beautiful and eternally terrifying moment where the line of Holtz’s brow creases and it's like she knows exactly what Erin's thinking.

 

Because she feels exactly the same.

 

But Erin doesn't want to do anything to interrupt the easy weight between them because what if she's wrong and also, _what in the Gods’ names does this mean?_ But she likes the feeling between her fingers too much to let it fall through them completely.

 

When Erin speaks she's quiet, but she knows Holtz will hear her regardless.

 

“Your wife,” Erin says and it's a question and a prayer all at once.

 

Holtz smiles shyly, looking at Erin with a veiled hesitance, like she's holding back a dam behind her shoulders.

 

“I like the sound of that.”

 

Her voice is quiet, too and if Erin strains she thinks she hears hope as well, but it's quieter than hers, or maybe she doesn't hear it at all.

 

She smiles all the same though, as the weight of the moment drains away.

 

“Me, too.”

  


-

  


Erin had been slightly anxious about sharing a space with Holtz because honestly, she didn't have the best track record for keeping her workspace tidy.

 

She's surprised then, by how carefully and neatly Holtz does unpack the few possessions she has.

 

They move around the living room together, Erin helping to pull things carefully out of boxes as she shifts her things to make space.

 

It's not difficult because she doesn't have a lot herself, and she's surprised by how well the things Holtz does have, sit alongside her own.

 

There are a few photos of the group after some of their more memorable busts, taken care of by the city newspaper, some small trinkets and models she has obviously painstakingly built herself and books.

 

A lot of books.

 

They make room in Erin's bookshelf to squeeze them in and when they both step back to take in, Erin is surprised by how homely it's made her previously barren apartment.

 

“Goodness,” she says surprised, looking to Holtz who has her head in one of the larger boxes looking for something. “I can't believe how well this all fits in. It's perfect.”

 

Holtz pops her head up then, a small smile on her face as she walks over to Erin with a small wooden box in her hands.

 

It's little, and it fits easily in her small palm and Erin can make out some kind of inset laid into the lid.

 

“One last thing,” Holtz says, shyly. “Apart from my clothes that is.”

 

“What is it?” Erin asks, moving without thinking and with no hesitation into her side.

 

“It's only a small thing. One of the few things I have left from my past.”

 

Erin reaches out before she stops, looking to Holtz for an ok, before she touches the shape on the lid with gentle hands.

 

“Our family crest.”

 

The design is simple but it's beautiful and it takes Erin's breath away for a moment.

 

“Jill, it's _beautiful_.”

 

“I've often thought about getting it tattooed somewhere but I don't know, I guess I was scared. I'm not a big fan of needles and I didn't think I could do it alone. It opens, look.”

 

She flips the lid back with gentle fingers and Erin leans in to see a dried flower in the bottom of it.

 

“It's edelweiss--like that song from _the Sound of Music_ , but it’s Switzerland’s national flower, my mother loved them but I always thought they looked like someone made them from itchy wool. When I left, I left in a hurry and this was one of the only things I grabbed. I found it in my pocket in the rush to the airport and I've always kept it. I suppose it's silly, but I don't know. Do you think there's room somewhere?”

 

Erin takes Holtz’s hand softly, ignoring the spark when the bare skin of their palms touch, back over to the bookshelf.

 

There's a spot, perfectly shaped, at eye level and Erin takes the box gently from Holtz’s hands.

 

“It's not silly at all. It's perfect, look.”

 

She slides it back into place and something heavy clicks in her own chest but she bites her lip and tries to ignore it because Holtz hasn't said anything in a few minutes now.

 

“Are you ok? I'm sorry if this is too much or…”

 

“I'm fine,” Holtz says, looking to her with a calm expression in her eyes. “I'm happy. It's been…lonely. But now it doesn't feel so bad.”

  


-

  


They drag the last few boxes full of into the middle of the apartment before Erin straightens up as something dawns on her, and she doesn't know how she hasn't realized it before.

 

“I only have one room,” she says dumbly, looking to Holtz with a frown.

 

“I thought we would probably need to unpack my things there, in case they visit but, I thought I'd stay out here at night,” Holtz shrugs.

 

“You're going to sleep on a couch for two years?” Erin deadpans.

 

“I've slept rougher,” Holtz shrugs again and Erin feels a sharp pang in her stomach because _really_ , what has her life been like? “Besides, most nights I never wind up leaving the lab--I have a cot there-”

 

“You're definitely _not_ sleeping out here for two years.”

 

“Erin, I'm not going to…” Holtz says, catching up with Erin's train of thought.

 

“Jill, my bed is a queen, and I don’t bite.”

 

“No, it's not that.”

 

“You don't want to?” Erin asks, hoping the hurt in her voice isn’t noticeable.

 

“No, I _do_ . I mean…it's not that I _don't_ want to. I just don't want to put you out any _more_ that I already am.”

 

“You’re not putting me _out_ , if anything you’re making my house more like a home than it’s ever been. And it would only _put me out_ more to have you on my couch every night.”

 

She can see the fight dying in the blonde, can see she _knows_ that Erin’s right, but Erin knows she’s not ready to give up just yet.

 

“We could get a fold-down bed and hide it under yours?”

 

It’s weak, and Holtz knows it.

 

“And you’re going to make it and take it down every morning before we go into the fire station?” Erin asks slyly.

 

“If I have to?”

 

“But you _don’t_ have to.”

 

“Erin…” Holtz groans, voice exasperated.

 

“Jillian,” Erin replies in the same tone, teasing. “What’s the real problem?”

 

“I just…I haven’t really done the whole sleep-over thing.” Erin’s heart sighs at that.

 

“What? Ever?”

 

“Like, I’ve been back to more than a few girls places, but I’ve never stayed the night.”

 

Erin wants to ask why, but a part of her already knows the answer and she doesn’t want to push.

 

“Well, I don’t care about that. If anything, I think I like it better that way.”

 

Holtz looks at her then, and her smile is small, but her eyes are bright and that thing that tastes a little like _hope_ swells between them again.

 

“What if I roll onto your side?” Holtz asks, biting her lip.

 

Erin smiles too then, because she knows they’re _almost_ there.

 

“I’ll push you back onto your own.”

 

“What if I snore?”

 

_A little bit closer._

 

“I’ll wake you up.”

 

Holtz’s smile creeps wider and Erin can see that this is almost won.

 

“What if I get handsy in my sleep?”

 

“I took self-defense lessons in college,” Erin smirks.

 

“Kinky,” Holtz winks. And just like that, Erin knows she’s won.

 

They both laugh and drag the boxes into Erin’s room where she starts to clear out space in her closet and drawers.

 

They finally finish unpacking and there’s a second where they both stand there, unsure of what to do next.

 

“You’re really sure?” Holtz asks one last time.

 

“You know what, if you ask me again I won’t be responsible for my actions,” Erin rolls her eyes, glaring mockingly. “I’ll go make some room for you in the bathroom.”

 

“Hey Er,” Holtz calls out, once Erin’s hovering in the doorway between the bedroom and bathroom.

 

She looks back and Holtz’s face is so soft in the low light that Erin’s breath actually aches in her throat because she just looks _beautiful_.

 

“Thanks.”

 

Her words travel to Erin across the still evening, and suddenly Erin’s struck with this thought that spending two years in a relationship with Holtzmann seems like it’s not enough, and Erin wants to ask for _more_.

  


-

  


The bathroom lights are bright, but not harsh, but Erin doesn’t think it would make a difference if she were in the dark because there’s only one concrete thought thumping through her body.

 

She likes Holtzmann.

 

Like, she _like_ -likes Holtzmann.

 

As in, her--admittedly gay--colleague who she’s about to marry, to allow her to stay in the country and will be living with, sleeping in the same bed with, _sharing a life with_ , for the next two years.

 

That one.

 

And it shouldn't come as a surprise, because really Erin’s spent the last two days in this half-haze where she didn’t know if she was coming or going but she hadn’t been able to pin down why, but now it makes sense.

 

Because it’s _this_.

 

That she _likes_ Jillian Holtzmann.

 

If she’s honest with herself, it goes back longer. Because it’s been building steadily and steadily since the moment they first met but now it’s changed, taking on a solid form.

 

Which is just **great**.

 

Perfect even.

 

This full realization couldn’t have happened when they _didn’t_ have the weight of Holtz’s future in the country hanging over their shoulders. Or when they _weren’t_ about to enter into a two year legal union together.

 

No, it had to happen now.

 

Right before she was about to climb into bed with her _fiancée_ for the first time.

 

She washes her face with cold water a few times but it doesn’t do much to stop the current running freely across her skin at the thought of sleeping next to Holtz.

 

She knows it will be fine, because she hadn’t been lying when she’d said it was a big bed, but…

 

There’s a _but_ now, because suddenly the thought of Jillian reaching across the expanse of the bed in the dark for Erin doesn’t seem so bad.

 

And the thought of Holtz getting loose and free in her sleep is…

 

**Stop** , Erin thinks to herself.

 

Just stop.

 

Because while she might not be able to control her ridiculous teenage urges that seem to have developed out of thin air, Holtzmann most definitely will.

 

Because yes, she’s gay, but she doesn’t like Erin like that because Erin is her friend and her colleague and the person she eats lunch with every single day.

 

Or does she?

 

_No_ . Erin thinks to herself. _No, she does not_.

 

Sure, Holtz flirts with her--has since they first met--but she does that with everyone. And yes, she threads her hand through the crook of Erin’s arm, but sometimes she does that with Patty or Abby, too. And yes, she thrusts and dances her way around the lab and Erin, but she does that downstairs with them, too.

 

But she doesn’t bring _them_ coffee in the morning. Or remember to pack extras for lunch because Erin sometimes forgets and ends up eating crackers out of her desk drawer. And her eyes don’t soften when the others walk into a room like Erin sometimes sees them do with her.

 

Or maybe she’s just making something out of nothing because suddenly she’s desperate to _see_.

 

Erin splashes another handful of cold water over her face before reaching for the towel, standing up to look at her reflection in the mirror.

 

She looks the same, but she feels so different now. She knows she needs to go back out there and back to Holtz, because she’ll be starting to worry, and Erin doesn’t ever want to give her a chance to doubt them-- _this_ again.

  


-

  


Erin walks back into the room to find Holtz sitting on the end of the bed in a pair of faded but tidy grey boxers and a plain white cropped tee.

 

“I hope this is okay. I don’t normally wear pj’s so I kind of had to improvise.”

 

Erin frowns for a second before her brain catches up with her.

 

“ _Oh._ ” Erin fights the blush fighting its way onto her cheeks. “Nothing?”

 

Holtz just sort of shrugs with an easy smile before she replies.

 

“Lived alone. No point.”

 

Erin feels her face growing red at the thought of Holtzmann laying in bed. Nude. Bare. Completely open. Without a stitch on.

 

She shakes her head trying to clear _that_ image before she walks round to her side of the bed.

 

“Well, as much as we _need_ to get to know each other better, let’s save the nakedness for another time, hm? You don’t have to wait for me, you know.”

 

“I didn’t know which side was yours,” Holtz says with a smile. “Do you mind if I use the bathroom?”

 

“This is going to be a long two years if you ask me every time you want to brush your teeth, Holtz,” Erin says with a grin as she pulls back the covers and slips beneath them.

 

Holtz sticks her tongue out at Erin before walking into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

 

She’s only in there for a few minutes, but when she comes back out the world may as well have turned inside out because Erin is met with a sight that almost stops her heart.

 

Her hair is long.

 

_Really_ long.

 

It floats down around her shoulders in soft curls and Holtz doesn’t look at her straight away, too busy threading her fingers through the blonde locks, trying to tease out any knots, not noticing how Erin’s jaw is in her lap.

 

When she does look up, she must mistake Erin’s expression for something bad because she stops dead still, her hands freezing in her hair.

 

“What?” Holtz asks, quickly. “What’s wrong?”

 

Erin just kind of stares at her dumbly for a few seconds before she shakes her head and tries to speak.

 

“Long,” she manages to stutter out. “It’s so…I didn’t know it was so long.”

 

“Really?” Holtz asks with a curious smile. “You’ve never seen it down before?”

 

“Never,” Erin says quickly. “It’s…”

 

“Horrible, I know. It’s why I pin it up every day. Well, that and the fire hazard thing.”

 

“It’s not horrible,” Erin says, moving to fold the blankets back on Holtzmann’s side of the bed as she walks to her side. “It’s beautiful.”

 

“Ah, stop it. You’re just saying that because you’re going to be stuck with me for the next two years.”

 

Holtz stops at the edge of the bed and Erin just rolls her eyes before reaching over and grabbing her arm, pulling her down into the bed.

 

Holtz settles under the blankets next to her, and Erin leans over to turn the light off at her side of the bed.

 

“It is, you know,” Erin says to the darkness, leaning onto her side to face Holtz. “Your hair, I mean. It’s beautiful.”

 

Erin feels the bed shift next to her and can hear Holtz moving but she’s so far away against the edge that the bed hardly dips.

 

“I’m not very good at taking compliments, just in case you didn’t already know.”

 

Holtz’s voice is quiet and small, and it makes Erin _ache_ and want to reach out across the bed for her.

 

“I’ll help,” Erin says, and she’s suddenly talking about more than this one small thing.

 

“We’ll do it, together.”

 

Holtz’s voice is sleepy and soft and it sounds dreamlike when she replies.

 

“ _Together_.”

 

-

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! You! You're awesome. Come tell us if you liked this. 
> 
> x


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two idiots struggle. Oh, and drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the responses to this fic have been OUTSTANDING and I begged tigerlo to let me post a chapter early for you guys because I just can't get enough. The next update may be a couple of days since we've been good so far, but hopefully this will leave you wanting to come back for more anyway ;3 -xx ljthebard
> 
>  
> 
> Team, I've been overwhelmed by your beautiful comments. I hope you all know how much they mean to both of us. Long may you continue to share your lovely thoughts with us.   
> For now though, buckle in babes, because we're about to turn the dial from two to twelve.   
> xx tigerlo

When Erin wakes in the morning the bed  beside her is empty, but the smell of freshly brewed coffee makes its way to her from the kitchen.

 

She drags herself out of bed, pulling on her dressing gown as she pads into the kitchen.

 

Holtz is waiting for her, fully dressed and ready at the dining table.

 

“You’re up early,” Erin states, her voice rough with sleep. “Did you sleep well?”

 

“Better than I have in years,” Holtz relays, honestly. “I think that’s why I woke up so early.”

 

“What time do you normally get up?” Erin asks, gratefully accepting the cup of coffee Holtz slides across the table to her.

“Normally about ten minutes before you see me in the morning.”

 

“Great,” Erin grumps. “So you look like  _ that _ with about two minutes effort. Just great. I miss my thirties.”

 

“Don’t worry,” Holtz replies, smiling at her. “I’ve always wanted to have a hot, older wife.”

 

“Shut up,” Erin mumbles into her mug, blushing.

  
  


-

  
  


When they arrive at the firehouse, Abby, Patty and Dr Gorin are already there sitting around the kitchen table. 

 

“ _ Sooo? _ How was your first night as a betrothed couple?” Abby asks, grinning madly.

 

“Fabulous,” Holtz says without missing a beat. “Erin talked me into bed on the first night.”

 

Patty’s eyes go wide before she takes in Erin’s raised eyebrow as she turns to scowl at Holtz.

 

“Thank you for shifting all my crap yesterday,” Holtz says, sliding onto a chair next to Abby.

 

Erin walks around behind her to stand at her  _ fiancée’s _ side.

 

Gorin is watching Erin over Holtz’s shoulder with a peculiar expression and Erin frowns, not sure what to make of it so she settles on a question to break the strange silence instead.

 

“How long will you stay?” Erin asks Gorin.

 

“I have a few engagements to attend to in town, enough to plausibly keep me here for four weeks so I will stay until we are sure Jillian will be able to stay.”

 

“ _ If _ I stay,” Holtz scoffs.

 

Erin turns to her and smacks her on the arm.

 

“Hey, none of that. We had a deal, remember.”

 

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it, promise,” Holtz smiles at her, grabbing Erin’s hand and resting their interlocked fingers on her shoulder. Erin stilled at the contact at first, but then relaxed as Holtzmann ran her thumb over her knuckles. 

 

“Y’all sure you’re not actually in love with each other?” Patty asks, eyeing them both with interest. Erin stiffened, but Holtz continued to rub her knuckles soothingly and she relaxed into the touch.

 

“So you’ll be here for the wedding?” Erin asks, ignoring Patty’s comment.

 

“Of course,” Gorin says frowning, as if put-out that Erin even has to ask. “Speaking of which, we need to get your marriage license sorted as soon as possible. And you’ll need to start planning the wedding. Miss Tolan, can we leave it to you to contact the Mayor and try to secure a reasonably nice venue at short notice?”

 

“Yeah,” Patty says, pulling out her phone to make a note. “Anything else?”

 

“Perhaps once these two have decided on a few other details, we could entrust them to you to see through? That is presuming you don’t just wish for us to organize everything on your behalf?”

 

Erin looks down at Holtz, but her face is reasonably neutral and she’s not giving anything away. 

 

“I don’t know about you,” Erin says shrugging shyly. “But I’d like to decide on the details. Some of them at least.”

 

Honestly, there was a time in her life when Erin didn’t think she would ever get married and now she’s in this position where she gets to marry one of her best friends, and she kind of wants to enjoy the parts of it she can.

 

“Of course,” Holtz says, quickly. “I mean, I don’t really know anything about wedding planning, but I’m happy to idea spin with you if it’s something you want?”

 

Gorin doesn’t wait for an answer, just cuts across them before Erin has a chance to reply.

 

“Good. You two can discuss tonight and report back to Miss Tolan tomorrow morning. We need to leave around a week from the application for the marriage license to when we can expect it to be granted so that will need to happen before the week is out, too.”

  
  


-

  
  


The rest of the day passes in a blur of organization, one actual bust and by the time Erin and Holtz head home after a quick and dirty pizza dinner with the others, they’re exhausted. 

 

Holtz heads straight for the shower, desperate to wash the stress of the day away, while Erin putters in the kitchen waiting for her to finish. 

 

She flicks the kettle on, making herself a cup of tea before walking to the bedroom when she hears the shower shut off.

 

She walks into their room and suddenly Erin wishes she was holding something  _ much _ stronger.

 

Holtz is stretched out diagonally across the bed, hair wet and half down around her shoulders, wearing nothing but a towel.

 

A towel that’s currently riding far too high up her thighs to be considered decent and Erin can’t  _ not _ look. 

 

“Sorry,” Holtz says not moving or opening her eyes. “I’m just so tired. I’ll get up in a sec.”

 

Erin coughs and clear her throat before taking another sip of tea and trying again.

 

“Fine,” Erin coughs. “It’s fine, I just wanted to see if you wanted a hot drink.”

 

Holtz peels an eye open to look at Erin, but doesn’t move anything else.

 

“Do you have hot chocolate? I’d move for hot chocolate.”

 

“Uhm…” Erin stutters, caught off guard. “I think so?”

 

“Coolio, I’ll come and make it in a sec. I’ve just got to wrangle these pins out of my hair. I stepped under the water without thinking and now they’re well and truly stuck.”

 

“I could help?” Erin offers, still hovering in the doorway. “If you want, that is.”

 

Holtz does drag herself up then, fingers winding the top of her towel under her arm to keep it from falling open.

 

“Do you mind? I don’t think I could get them out myself now if I tried.”

 

“Now?” Erin asks, eyeing her bare legs again before gulping.

 

“If that’s ok?” Holtz asks, sitting up and shuffling to the end of the bed closer to Erin.

 

She turns and reaches up to take the cup from between Erin’s hands so hers are free. She sniffs at the green tea before screwing up her nose.

 

“How do you drink this?” Holtz asks, slightly disgusted.

 

“I could say the same thing about eighty percent of the food and drink you consume, you know?” Erin grins ruefully. 

 

“I'm pretty sure Pringles count towards my ‘five a day’, babe,” Holtz says, casually and Erin feels a jolt in her stomach at her flippant use of the term of affection. 

 

She turns her attention to the mess of hair and pins in front of her, not sure where to start. 

 

Holtz must read her mind in the hesitation and she tips her head back to look at Erin. 

 

“I normally start from one side when it’s really tangled. If that helps?”

 

Erin nods and she takes a deep, quiet breath as her fingers slip into Holtzmann's hair for the first time.

 

There was a small gap between Holtz’s back and Erin's stomach when they started but at the first bit of contact the blonde just folds into Erin completely. 

 

She's still warm from the shower and there are a few spots of water on her shoulders which are as white as the flower Holtz had shown her yesterday and Erin almost melts at the contact. 

 

She realizes a few seconds later and moves forward, apologizing. 

 

“Sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. It's just…nice.”

 

“It's fine,” Erin says softly her fingers sliding against her scalp, curious as to the reaction. 

 

Holtz moans. That's her reaction. She  _ moans _ . 

 

It's light and more a low breath, but it starts Erin's pulse racing all the same. 

 

“You can lean back into me if you want?” 

 

It's shameless and she should be embarrassed at how much this is making her blood sing, and it's so inappropriate because her friend is in towel and yes, Holtz just moaned but who  _ doesn't _ like having their hair played with?

 

It's a ruse, a thin one at that, and Erin knows it's wrong because she's completely taking advantage of the situation and Holtz doesn't feel that way at all, but that kind of makes it worse because she knows this wouldn't happen any other way. 

 

But Holtz does lean back against her, doesn't say anything else just settles against the solidity of Erin's body and relaxes. 

 

Erin starts looking for pins then, trying not to focus on the way Holtz’s shoulders move slowly beneath her. 

 

She needs to stop but she just can't and before she can help it she counted the number of times Holtz’s pulse moves in her neck in a minute. 

 

It's high. Well higher than Erin would have thought Holtz’s resting heart rate would be anyway and part of her thinks she's probably overheated from the shower, still. 

 

Another traitorous tone slips in ‘ _ what if it's something else? _ ’

 

She makes her way methodically from one side to the other slowly, but carefully removing the pins one by one. 

 

It takes Erin about twenty minutes before she pulls the last pin out, and so what if she did that a bit slower than she was actually capable of because it didn't seem like the blonde minded, if the way she moved into Erin's touch was anything to go by. 

 

“There,” Erin says softly. “Pin-free.”

 

She drags her nails lightly down the back of Holtz’s scalp to illustrate her point and the blonde lets out an involuntary shiver. 

 

“Sorry,” Holtz says, turning to face Erin.

 

She's a bit taken aback at the general state of Holtz when she looks up and she feels a traitorous heat  _ low _ in her belly. 

 

The other woman's cheeks are flushed and her eyes are heavy and where they're normally clear and light blue irises are now much,  _ much _ darker. 

 

“Thank you,” Holtz says leaning forward a little and Erin’s heart sinks at the loss of warmth.

 

Holtz’s voice is lower than normal and really, if Erin didn't know any better she would have thought she looked turned on. 

 

“That would have taken me hours. And I probably would have given up halfway through.”

 

She stands, walking towards the bathroom clutching her towel and her words might have sounded nonchalant but there's something there, Erin's sure of it. 

 

She mutters something like ‘I'm just gonna-’ before disappearing into the bathroom again, presumably to get dressed. 

 

When she appears a few minutes later, she's wearing a cropped tee that shows half of her stomach and a pair of black lounge pants low on her hips that cuff with elastic around the bottom and Erin's mouth goes dry and she scolds herself because how can  _ that _ be so damn arousing?! 

 

She looks at Erin with a smile and she seems much more in control of whatever that was before. 

 

“Dinner time?”

  
  


-

  
  


Holtz makes them something light and fresh for dinner and they eat before retiring to the couch, Holtz holding a giant slice of chocolate cake as she flops down onto the edge of Erin's couch. 

 

She's further away than Erin would like, but Erin knows it's because she's trying to be small and make her presence as light as possible so she doesn't comment, just sinks somewhere closer to the middle to compensate. 

 

Holtz is about half way through the chocolate when Erin pulls out a few bridal magazines from her briefcase that she'd picked up on the way home. 

 

“How do you eat like that and look like you do?” Erin asks, slightly annoyed. 

 

“Dunno,” Holtz shrugs. “Good genes?”

 

“Well it's not fair,” Erin grumbles as she starts to flick through the magazines. 

 

“What are you talking about?” Holtz asks, biting the edge of another piece. “You're beautiful, Erin.”

 

She says it casually, so casually that Erin can hardly doubt the sincerity behind it, despite the brief shock of panic that crosses over Holtz’s face before disappearing. 

 

“Really?” Erin asks, and she knows she's blushing but no one's ever said that to her before and she doesn't want to just let it slip between them. 

 

“You're kidding right?” Holtz asks, a blush creeping over her own cheeks now, but seriousness lacing her tone. 

 

“No?”

 

“Erin,” Holtz places the plate down and finally turns her body toward Erin, taking the redhead’s hand. “I know that I joke around alot and the constant flirting may have been--less than casual, but I--I’ve always thought that you were- _ are _ attractive.” Erin can feel the heat in her cheeks and her stomach as her heart begins to race at the kind words from her friend, the woman who had always somehow managed to make her feel  _ seen _ .

 

“I always figured that the flirting was just--a thing of yours.”

 

“Well, it  _ is _ , but that doesn't mean you're not a beautiful woman who deserves to be told so.”

 

Erin is pretty sure her and Holtzmann both could tie in a blushing contest.

 

“Well,” Erin says, clearing her throat. “Thank you, Jill.”

 

Holtz leans over her then, clearly keen to wrap the conversation up, and grabs a magazine from Erin's pile. 

 

“What's all this for again?”

 

“The wedding,” Erin deadpans. 

 

“No, I mean what kind of stuff do we have to tell Patty about tomorrow?”

 

“As much or as little as we want I guess. When she spoke to the Mayor's office they said they can organize everything if we give them a few details. Guess they think it's a good way to grab some positive media attention by helping.”

 

“They're going to sponsor our wedding?” Holtz frowns.

 

“Probably not so much, but they'll want to be seen there and for us to tell the media they helped us pull everything together so quickly. It's a good offer, Jill. I don't know how we'd do everything ourselves without them.”

 

“If you're cool, I'm cool,” Holtz says, flicking through the pages herself now. 

 

The fall into silence for a while as they both look through a few of the magazines. 

 

After a while they go through a few of the simple things they do want a say on; flowers, general colour scheme - both white. 

 

“What,” Erin says with a smile. “I'm a traditionalist.”

 

“Whatever makes you happy,” Holtz smiles back as they mark down a final few notes for Patty. 

 

“What do you want to do about our outfits?” Erin asks once they're finished with their list. “Abby's offered to go shopping with me, but I didn't know if you wanted to do it together or-?”

 

Holtz looks up from her magazine and the blush from earlier is back. 

 

“I know this is silly because we're not like a  _ couple _ couple, but can we keep them a secret until the wedding?”

 

“Of course,” Erin says taken aback. “Why?”

 

“I don't know,” Holtz says with a shrug. “I’m not planning to get married again. Just thought it might be nice to keep some tradition about the whole thing if I'm only going to do it once.”

 

Erin's heart starts hammering in her chest again, because she wants to lean across the couch and slide her fingers through Holtz’s hair, which is still down around her shoulders, and tell her with her lips that she wants this to be her one and only, too. 

 

But she can't. 

 

Because this is going to be special and  _ real, _ but they're doing this as friends. 

 

Not lovers. 

 

And Erin doesn't know if she's ever been so disappointed about something in her entire life as she is about that. 

 

Holtz is looking at her, though and her face is soft and there's something that she isn't saying but Erin doesn't want to get her hopes up so she doesn't push. 

 

Just nods her head silently instead. 

 

“I think that's a nice idea, too,” she says because it's easier than testing the thing in her chest that feels like possibility. 

 

“Cool,” Holtz says with a small smile. “Thanks, Er.”

 

“Anything,” she says automatically. 

 

And she wonders if Holtz hears the weight behind her words echo in her chest like they do Erin's. 

 

They're quiet for a minute and when Holtz speaks her voice is soft and kind. 

 

“You know, I’m glad we got to do a big wedding.”

 

“Why?” Erin asks surprised.

 

“Because I know this isn’t anything like you imagined your wedding would be, but I still wanted it to be special. As special as I could make it, anyway. You deserve a nice wedding, Er. And I'm happy I get to be the one to help give it to you.”

  
  


-

  
  


They settle into bed not long after and Holtz pushes herself right to the edge again, careful not to touch Erin at all. 

 

“We’ll go and get the marriage license tomorrow,” Erin says as she flicks the light off. “I think Patty's on the way to organizing the wedding for mid next week.”

 

“ _ Gods _ , this is all so fast. I'm sorry, Er.”

 

“Not getting cold feet are you?” Erin says laughing softly as she rolls over to look at Holtz. 

 

“No,” Holtz says turning into her side to mirror Erin. “You?”

 

“Never.”

 

The light is off but Erin knows Holtz can still see her so she shakes her head gently, smiling as she does so. 

 

“Thank goodness for that,” Holtz says with a small smile. “I just…I don't know, I wish we could do this slower. You know? Not because…I mean, I just wish we could do everything you've ever wanted.”

 

“This is more than I ever thought I would have, Jill. It’s-it’s everything,” Erin says, softly.

 

“You're happy? Holtz asks, curiously. 

 

“I'm happy,” Erin smiles in the darkness. 

 

She knows Holtz is hyper-conscious of giving Erin plenty of space but for a second Erin just throws her fears to the fire and shuffles forward, reaching out to pull Holtz's hands into her own. 

 

“Thank you,” Erin says quietly, drawing Holtz’s hands to her chest. 

 

She means to let go, really she does but she's so sleepy and Holtz hands are warm in her own and she feels herself dropping off to sleep before she can. 

 

Erin's breathing evens out and she expects to feel Holtz pull away but she doesn't. 

 

She feels the bed dip as the blonde moves closer instead, and Holtz's last words come to her half in sleep so softly that she thinks she's already dreaming. 

 

“Anything, Er.  _ Anything _ for you.”

  
  


-

  
  


Erin wakes a few hours later, well before dawn and it takes her a second to realize that the reason she's so comfortable is that she's pressed up against Holtzmann's chest. 

 

Like bodies touching almost from head to toe.

 

Their hands are still locked, and really she should move because she knows Holtz would flip out of she woke and found the two of them like this, but it's so early and Erin's so sleepy and before she has the chance to pull herself away she's asleep again. 

  
  


-

  
  


When Erin wakes a few hours later, Holtz is on the other side of the bed and it's only a few inches but it might as well be an  **ocean** . 

  
  


-

  
  


They wake up shy the next morning but they don't say anything, instead moving around each other in silence and soft looks as they get ready for the day. 

 

They arrive at the firehouse first, Holtz dragging Erin into a coffee shop on their way there with a smile to pick up the hot chocolate Erin had promised but not delivered the night before. 

 

They're cautious around each other for the rest of the day, and Erin doesn't want to say anything but it must mean something that Holtz seems so wary around her now. 

 

Like, if there really wasn't anything on her end then it would be no big deal to fall asleep holding your friends hands, unless…

 

Unless maybe,  _ possibly _ , there's something there for her to. 

 

Near the middle of the day Patty calls them over to run over the last of the details they had decided on and to show them the latest from their social media announcements. 

 

“Most of ‘em are pretty cool, although something keeps coming up pretty regularly and it's probably something we should jump on now,” Patty says with a smirk. 

 

“What is it?” Erin asks, hesitantly. 

 

“Well, most people actually buy the couple thing, no problem but the ones that don't, don't buy it cause they don't think the two of you are close enough. They think y’all need to be more…intimate.”

 

“Intimate?” Erin asks with a shocked look on her face. 

 

“Not like that,” Patty says frowning. “Other stuff, couple-y stuff you know. Like when you're out in public. You know, hold hands... open the door for each... kiss?”

 

Erin's about to say ‘if that's what it takes’ but Holtz beats her to the punch. 

 

“Screw them,” Holtz says immediately. “I'm not going to make Erin uncomfortable just so  _ other _ people can feel happy that we're into PDA.”

 

“You know you're going to have to kiss eventually, right? People are going to start asking questions when you don't kiss your wife on your wedding day,” Abby reminds her. 

 

“Thank you, Abigail,” Holtz snaps. “I realize that it will be unavoidable at times but I'm not going to do it to appease a few greedy strangers.”

 

“We understand, baby. Look, if you're not going to kiss, at least wind it up to holding hands on your way to and from work, alright?” Patty says matter-of-factly. 

 

Holtz looks to Erin, asking her permission and Erin just shrugs with a shy smile. 

 

“Fine,” Holtz says, through slightly gritted teeth. 

 

It's a small win, Erin thinks, but she can't stop the fluttering low in her stomach at the thought of being able to wind her fingers through Holtz's in a few hours time, because if she closes her eyes and allows the room around her to fall into silence, she can still taste the way their hands felt linked together in bed last night.

 

The blonde’s knuckles are wound firmly around the top of the chair in front of her and Erin moves closer so she can rest one of her hands softly on top of Holtz’s.

 

She doesn’t mean anything by it, truly she doesn’t, it’s just that she can see the frustration in the line of Holtz’s jaw and she just wants to do something to ease it. 

 

“It’s fine, Jill. Really,” Erin says quietly, moving to stand closer into Holtzmann’s side.

 

She looks to Erin and the anger dissolves. She gives Erin a small, silent nod before she walks away, running her fingers backwards across her scalp in what Erin can only assume is an attempt to calm herself down.

 

She disappears shortly after and the symphony of bangs from upstairs reaches Erin’s ears a few minutes later.

 

“Is she okay?” Abby asks, turning to Erin.

 

“Yeah, I think so. She’s fine when we’re at home, I think she’s just…worried. Or scared maybe. And guilty.”

 

“Ok, well just make sure you tell us if anything seems…off. Alright?” Abby says, quietly.

 

“Of course,” Erin says, but her mind is only half in it because the other half is already walking towards the stairs up to Holtz on the floor above.

 

“Ugh,” Abby says rolling her eyes. “Just go, would you?”

 

Erin gives her a quick scowl before heading upstairs to drag Holtz home with her.

  
  


-

  
  


They pick up Indian on the way back to Erin’s apartment and Holtz laughs for the first time in what feels like months when a stray noodle flicks Erin in the eye with a bit of chilli sauce.

 

“It’s not funny,” Erin walks blindly towards the bathroom, the chilli sauce burning uncomfortably in her eye.

 

“I’m sorry, Er. I’m not laughing at you,” Holtz says, following her to the bathroom. 

 

Erin picks up a cloth, wetting it under the cold tap before raising it to her face in an attempt to cease the burning.

 

“Here,” Holtz says, her hand closing over Erin’s before the cloth can touch her cheek. “Let me.”

 

Her gasp catches her by surprise, and Holtz, too if the jolt Erin feels through her hands is anything to go by, but Holtz’s hands settle on the line of Erin’s jaw as one of them dabs at her sore eye and  _ really _ , she’s lucky it was just a gasp.

 

“Sorry,” Holtz says softly, moving gently with the cloth. “How’s that?”

 

Erin opens her eye slowly, wincing in anticipation of the pain but it doesn’t come.

 

“Better,” Erin says with a small smile. “Much better.”

 

“Thank goodness I was here,” Holtz says reaching around Erin to rinse the cloth. 

 

She stands up again, square with Erin and there’s this second where their eyes meet and it feels like all the oxygen has been drained from the room. 

 

Erin’s gaze flickers down to Holtz’s lips and then back up to her eyes in time to see Holtz’s follow the same path. 

 

They’re close, close enough that Erin can feel the soft puff of Holtz’s breath on her cheek and before she can help it her eyes flutter closed.

 

She feels a small rush of air in the next second and when she opens her eyes a second later Holtz is standing a few inches further away from her.

 

The blonde clears her throat before dropping her head to stare at her shoes.

 

“Come on, I’m not sure your chicken vindaloo will be edible cold.”

  
  


-

  
  


Holtz spends the rest of the night as far away from Erin as possible without actually leaving the same room and it doesn’t  _ hurt _ exactly but it’s uncomfortable.

 

It almost feels like maybe she’s missing a limb which is ridiculous, Erin reminds herself, because they’re friends, but still. 

 

She excuses herself early for bed and Erin just smiles and bids her goodnight, stuck between desperately wanting to follow her but wanting to give her the space she’s so obviously seeking.

 

Erin had worried a few days ago when she had agreed to this that her apartment would seem suffocating with the two of them in it, but actually it just feels  _ lived in _ for the first time since Erin moved there.

 

And if anything, the size has given Erin an excellent excuse to be within a few feet of Holtz at all times, which for the most part has been met with a neutral or positive response on the blonde’s behalf, tonight being the exception. 

 

It’s hard because Erin knows Holtz is only doing it to try and respect her space, but all it makes Erin want to do in response is to  _ move _ with her.

 

Holtz is an active snoozer until she drifts off into a deeper sleep Erin has learnt, so she waits until she can hear the sheets stop rustling. 

 

When she’s sure Holtz will be asleep, she follows.

  
  


-

  
  


They go to city hall and apply for their marriage license the next day and the whole thing is utterly without ceremony. 

 

They sign the forms that need signing and the completely disinterested woman behind the desk informs them that they’ll need to wait one to four days for the license to be approved, barring any further hesitation from Immigration--they remind her as Jillian has to fill out several extra forms due to her immigrant status.

 

Abby and Patty come with them, for moral support they say, but Erin knows it’s more than that.

 

Because she isn’t the only one who’s facing losing someone, and she thinks they want to spend as much time with Holtz as they can before the end of next week.

 

Just in case.

 

They’re standing outside the courthouse and the late afternoon sun is throwing a glare directly off of Holtz’s glasses into Erin’s eyes, and Holtz smiles when Erin wrinkles up her nose, holding her hand above Erin’s brow to shade her from the light. 

 

Holtz smiles, a bright, brilliant smile for the first time since their little moment the night before but it disappears when her head whips around to follow the sound of Abby’s phone ringing loudly beside them.

 

Abby’s quiet as she takes the call, and the expression on her face changes from one of neutrality to one of worry before she hangs up and looks at the others seriously.

 

“We have to go, this one sounds bad.”

  
  


-

  
  


It is bad.

 

The call is to an abandoned halfway house at the edge of town and the curtains flutter through the broken windows of the house in the light evening breeze. The police are already there when they arrive and explain that they cannot go in because of the ghosts and will wait for them to get their part done, which sets them all on edge.

 

It’s quiet, much too quiet with no signs of the three figures that had been seen flying around the building earlier in the day, and they arm themselves as soon as they step out of the car.

 

Abby leads, as always, with Holtz and Erin following next, and Patty bringing up the rear.

 

Abby pushes the front door open with the muzzle of her barrell and the creaking it makes as it swings open sends a shiver down Erin’s spine.

 

They make their way through most of the rooms on the bottom floor, clearing them all and they’re about to leave when Erin walks into the last room and just about faints.

 

There are three bodies on the floor, and there’s blood. 

 

So much blood. 

 

_ Way _ too much blood for any of these people to be alive.

 

Erin takes a few steps closer and she thinks she can make out a large red mark across the necks of the three victims on the floor. Three sets of dead eyes seem to follow her and she has an idea where their ghosts are from, no doubt.

 

Erin looks up and she does gasp then because she’d been too busy when she first walked into the room to actually pay attention to it, but now she’s seen it she doesn’t know how she ever could have not.

 

Written on the wall, clearly in the blood, over and over again and again and again is the word ‘ _ JILLY _ ’.

 

Jilly. 

 

Like  _ Jillian _ . 

 

Like  _ her _ Jillian.

 

It couldn’t be.

 

She hears Abby’s gasp as she walks into the room behind Erin, followed by Patty’s and Erin can hear her whispering a prayer under her breath. 

 

It only takes her a second to realize she hasn’t heard Holtz enter so she spins, her eyes searching desperately for the blonde in the semi-darkness of the room.

 

Holtz walks into the room, that’s why she hasn’t said anything because she hasn’t seen anything but when she does her face goes as white as snow and she doubles over in the next second, losing the contents of her stomach on the floor.

 

Erin rushes to her side immediately, and then several things happen at once.

 

The three missing ghosts come through the back wall of the room all at once and the room falls into chaos.

 

They move quickly, Abby and Patty covering the others while Erin helps pull Holtz up into a standing position before they both turn and aim their own beams at the ghosts too. 

 

The ghosts split up and they do, too. Moving away from and around each other in the confines of the room as they work desperately on neutralising the threats flying and screaming around them.

 

It’s actually not that difficult once they fall into step with each other. 

 

The ghosts are vicious but they’re weak and so far they have surmised that a weak ghost is a young ghost so judging by their strength the bodies in the room can’t be more than a few days old.

 

They’re almost there, but Erin’s only half paying attention to what’s happening around her because she can’t stop thinking about Holtz’s reaction when she’d walked in.

 

It doesn’t really make sense because they’ve literally stopped an apocalypse, but Holtz’s reaction is enough that Erin’s distracted and sees what’s about to happen a second too late to do anything. 

 

The last ghost turns sharply and slips out of Abby’s beam and throws itself full force into the closest target; Erin, who moves, but not quick enough. 

 

The ghost picks Erin up and throws her  **hard** into one of the walls. 

 

She watches with a displaced sense of herself as she flies through the air, her eyes locking with Holtz’s--wide and terrified--and she feels the impact sharply as a scream exits her throat and everything goes black. 

  
  


-


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We catch a glimpse of two numbskulls falling in love. Also, SHOPPING!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS/Rating Going UP:   
> blood, mentions of mental illness and personal loss/murder. 
> 
> PLEASE TREAD CAREFULLY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you still with us? Have we killed you with angst and domesticity yet? No? Good, cause it's only about to get better. 
> 
> And please keep the beautiful comments coming, they make my (our) day. 
> 
> xx tigerlo
> 
> ps: from here on out there will be little easter egg links to show you what ljthebard and I envisioned so make sure that you keep an eye out!!!!

She wakes up to cold hands at her cheeks and blonde hair in her eyes and the person above her breathes a heavy sigh of relief when she winces and opens her eyes.

 

“Oh Erin, thank…you’re okay. Gods, you’re okay.”

 

Everything’s still fuzzy and it takes her a moment to realize the blonde hair and concerned voice belongs to Holtz leaning low over her body.

 

She moves back immediately as Erin tries to sit up, but she doesn’t get far, her breath feeling like it’s stuck behind a weight in her chest.

 

“Don’t try to move Er, the police and paramedics are on the way.”

 

She looks up, behind Holtz’s shoulder and sees the slightly blurry faces of Abby and Patty looking down, their faces a mirror of concern.

 

She wants to argue, wants to sit up and ask what the Hell happened but she feels weak and Holtz’s hand is warm over her heart.

 

“Hey, no. Er, you have to stay awake with me, ‘kay? At least until the medics get here.”

 

Her mouth feels a bit like cotton wool but she struggles through it.

 

“Tired,” she murmurs, and Holtz’s other hand tightens around her own.

 

“I know you are, I know but they won’t be long. And then you can sleep all night.”

 

She doesn’t sleep, but everything goes kind of blank and she remembers nodding to Holtz and then remembers people in bright clothes leaning over her and then comes to properly, in the back of the Ecto-1, wrapped up in Holtz’s arms.

 

“Hi,” she says groggily, raising a hand hesitantly to her head. “W-what happened?”

 

Holtz is sitting upright in her seat and Erin is kind of half lying on the back seat, half leaning into Holtz, with the blonde’s arm wrapped around her.

 

“Hi,” Holtz smiles weakly and Erin can tell she’s been crying. “Back in the land of the living now?”

 

“I think so,” Erin says quietly. “Where are we going?”

 

“Home,” Abby says from the front seat. “You got the okay from the paramedic with some very specific conditions.”

 

“Good,” Erin grumbles. “I hate hospitals.”

 

“We know,” Holtz and Abby say in unison and Erin manages a small smile at that.

 

She leans back, tipping her head back with a wince so she can look at Holtz properly.

 

“Are you okay?” Erin asks, concern for herself waning as she notices the paleness still on her friend’s face.

 

“I wasn’t the one thrown head-first into the wall,” Holtz says cynically, and it comes off harsh but Erin knows Holtz well enough now to know that she’s not angry; she’s scared.

 

“Did you get the last one?” Erin asks the two in the front, because Holtz eyes have glazed over again and she doesn’t want to make her more upset.

 

“Yeah, we got him alright,” Patty says kindly from the front. “Now hush and lay back until we can get you home.

  


-

  


She tries to shake them off but Holtz more or less carries her into the apartment, depositing her onto the couch before Patty and Abby bid Holtz and Erin alone with specific instructions to call if they need anything.

 

“The paramedic said you can’t sleep for at least another half an hour, after that you should be okay, although I’m supposed to wake you up at regular intervals just to make sure.”

 

“I’m so tired though,” Erin yawns.

 

“I know, Er. I know,” Holtz says, dropping down gently next to her, handing her a bottle of water.

 

Erin takes the bottle gratefully, taking a sip swirling it around her mouth before swallowing and Holtz takes the bottle back off her before moving away to the other chair.

 

Erin frowns at the movement, and normally she’d leave it but tonight her head is pounding and she’s still a little shaken and scared and she just needs something _more_.

 

“Jill? Please come back.”

 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Holtz offers, weak but stubborn.

 

“You’re not going to hurt me. Please? I just feel a bit…” she trails off because she’s not actually sure what comes next.

 

_Vulnerable?_

 

 _Lonely_?

 

She must look pathetic enough because after a quick huff, Holtz pushes herself out of the chair and onto the edge of the couch.

 

“Really?” Erin says frowning.

 

Holtz rolls her eyes before scooting a little bit closer, close enough for Erin to stretch her leg out and touch Holtz’s thigh with her foot just to ease the ache in her bones with some sort of contact, as minimal as it is.

 

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Erin asks, looking concernedly over to Holtz.

 

The blonde remained stoically silent.

 

“Jill, please. Tell me what’s wrong. That wasn’t _your_ name was it?”

 

She watches as a shiver makes it’s way through Holtz’s body and she shakes her head trying to move whatever ghost is still lingering in her head.

 

“I really don’t want to talk about this now Er, please? In the morning, maybe?”

 

Erin wants to push, because she’s never seen Holtz look like that before and she’s scared. But she also doesn’t think she could bear Holtz moving away from her, so she drops it. For now.

 

“Fine. I’ll wait until the morning, but only if you’ll come closer.”

 

“I am close, Er.”

 

Erin feels shy all of a sudden and silly, but tonight has been horrible and she just feels like being close to someone.

 

“Jill…” tears lodge in her throat and the worry must show on her face because Holtz looks to her and her expression softens immediately.  

 

Holtz smiles gently and scoots back into the other corner of the couch before she opens her arms and reaches forward, pulling Erin back into her chest softly.

 

“Better?” Holtz asks, resting the top of her chin on Erin’s head gently.

 

“ _Much_ ,” Erin says, sighing as her body sings at the proximity to Holtz’s.

 

At last.

 

She wishes she could fix this memory into her brain but everything is still kind of fuzzy, and now she’s warm and comfortable and the smell of Holtz is familiar and safe and she feels her eyes flutter closed.

 

“You’ve still got another ten minutes, babe,” Erin hears gently from above her.

 

“Tell me a story then, or sing me a song.”

 

“Are you always this demanding?” Holtz says with a soft laugh.

 

“Just wait until we’re married,” Erin mumbles quietly.

 

She feels Holtz’s chest move as she laughs beneath the weight of Erin’s body.

 

She’s quiet for a second, and Erin’s about to open her mouth to speak when Holtz starts humming something under her breath.

 

It’s soft and melodic and it sounds sad, but it feels like home, too. Holtz brings her hand up to run up and down Erin’s arm.

 

It’s soft and soothing and Erin tries _so_ hard to open her eyes then because she doesn’t want to forget this, even if she doesn’t ever remember anything else in her entire life.

 

She’s not sure how long they lay there for, but Holtz’s voice never wavers and Erin starts to feel calm again.

 

She closes her eyes and leans her cheek against Holtz’s chest and she hears Holtz speak softly above her one more time.

 

“It’s ok Er, you can _rest_.”

  


-

  


The song never stops, and she remembers soft arms sliding around her body, lifting her off the couch and into her bed before they gently remove her outer layers of clothing and folding the sheets over her sleep-heavy form.

 

A few seconds later she feels the bed dip next to her and she rolls automatically towards the warmth, her arms reaching out before she’s pulled softly against another body again.

 

She feels the waves of sleep overwhelm her and she doesn’t dream of red paint on cracked walls, she dreams of Jillian instead.

  


-

  
  


Erin wakes a few hours later to a pounding headache and an empty bed.

 

She sits up, slightly confused, but it just makes her headache worse.

 

She swings her legs out of bed slowly only noticing then the bottle of water and ibuprofen on her side table.

 

She knocks back a couple of pills gratefully before pushing herself up and out of bed in search of Holtz

 

It doesn't take long to find her.

 

Erin walks into the lounge in the t-shirt Holtz had left her in and bare legs. The door to the balcony is open, bringing the cool night air into the apartment.

 

It's still fairly warm though and Erin, having been stuffy and hot, feels the shiver that runs across her shoulders when she sits down next to Holtz on the outside wicker couch and knows it isn't all due to the temperature.

 

She looks up to Erin--surprised, but not--to see her and her eyes soften as Erin folds her sleepy form into the blonde's side.

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

“Like a truck ran over my head,” Erin replies, honestly. “Thank you for the pain killers.”

 

“You should go back to sleep,” Holtz says, pushing away from Erin slightly so she can get a good look at her in the dark.

 

“I will if you will,” Erin offers with a wry smile.

 

They're very close and their legs are touching and Erin's breath catches with a jolt when Holtz brings her hand up to push a stray bit of auburn out of Erin's eyes.

 

She doesn't say anything and Erin knows it's because she's waiting for Erin to ask her question so Erin opens her heart and obliges.

 

“Are you going to tell me what's wrong now?”

 

“Other than the fact that I saw you nearly get killed tonight?”

 

“You know what I mean, Jill. I don't want anything between us, please. There's no room for that. I'll be yours and you'll be mine, but you have to trust me with things.”

 

“You don't know what you're asking, Erin,” Holtz says and Erin can see how pained she is, how much this secret--whatever is it--has taken its toll on her.

 

“It doesn't _matter_ ,” Erin reaches over to pull Holtz’s hands into her lap.

 

Holtz takes a deep breath, and Erin can feel her pull strength from the point where they're connected and she can feel tendrils wind their way from Holtz’s hands into her own bones. She leans forward, pressing her forehead against Holtzmann’s temple and feels the blonde lean into her, as if Erin was helping her to bear this burden, regardless if she wanted her to or not.

 

“The reason I left Switzerland, it's not as simple as I said. It's ah…I-” Holtz murmurs an apology, shaking her hands out in front of her before reaching for Erin's hand again.

 

“My parents died when I was sixteen. Not by your usual standards--a car accident or a heart attack, those would have been more preferable-” she pauses and Erin can see the strain in her face.

 

“Take your time,” Erin says, gently.

 

“I never thought I'd tell this story a second time,” Holtz says, shakily.

 

Erin runs her thumb over Holtz’s knuckles, patient, and after a few seconds she continues. She takes a deep, shuddering breath next to Erin before she starts.

 

“When I was in grade school I met a boy… _Kai_ .” Holtz shuddered at the name. “He was just as different as me and we sort of became friends because like me, he didn't have any other friends. His mother died in childbirth and the only family he had left was his asshole alcoholic father. He was always pretty possessive of me, but-but then things started to _change_.”

 

She pauses, briefly but Erin says nothing, merely listening and holding her hand as though to reiterate: _‘take your time.’_

 

“He liked to do things-- _horrible things_ \--hurting small animals, setting them on fire or throwing them over cliffsides-” Erin gasped, uncontrollably, but Holtz didn’t deter- “and he would often drag me into situations that make my recklessness seem like child’s play. Dangerous stunts that nearly got us both killed, but I empathized with him, after awhile I began to feel like I had no other choice, I couldn’t just _leave_ him.”

 

“Once he told me that he fantasized about killing his father, sparing me no detail--and I remember just running home to my parents in tears. I didn’t know what to say or do--I just knew that it wasn’t right and no matter how much I tried, there was no fixing him.”

 

Erin can feel Holtz’ hand grow clammy, shaky. She almost wants to ask her to stop but, she knows this needs to come out, for the better of them both.

 

“I grew more wary of him the more violent he got, I even feared at one point he’d turn on me and do something. When we were eleven, I slipped on a steep incline and I managed to grab onto a rock, but I was too weak to pull myself up--he only stood there and stared at me like some horrifying vision of Scar out of _The Lion King_ and said nothing, _did_ nothing as I screamed, crying for him to pull me up.”

 

Erin’s chest felt tighter than the grip she now held with Holtzmann.

 

“It all came to a head one day when we were thirteen and this bully from school who used to give me a hard time hit me at lunch and Kai…Kai took out his knife, it wasn’t uncommon for kids to carry them, even in a peaceful place like Basel, but--he just began _stabbing_ the boy, right in the stomach and chest--in front of the students, teachers, _everyone_. Multiple times, before he slashed his throat and the boy dropped dead right in front of us.”

 

Erin feels tears fall from her eyes at the horrors that she could only imagine Holtz must be reliving at this moment and she pulls the blonde to her, burying her face in the engineer’s neck, not making a sound. This wasn’t her place to mourn, but she would damn well continue to listen.

 

“He was incarcerated and I severed all ties with him. I spent the next few years trying to get the look on that bully's face--on Kai’s as well--out of my mind,” she stops, wiping at a tear on her cheek before continuing.

 

“I tried to go back to normal--whatever that was--but the kids were terrified of me. I threw myself into my studies, the only thing that I was good at really, and the only thing that didn’t turn its back on me, didn't _stare_ at me like I was going to…”

 

A shuddering breath, a quiet moment and a heartbeat later.

 

“By the time I was fifteen, I'd already been accepted into colleges all over the world and I begged my parents to let me come to America to study. They finally relented, partly to shut me up I think,” Holtz says with a laugh.

 

“Around the same time I'd been granted a student visa, Doctor Gorin contacted us and offered to mentor me when I got there. She'd seen the newspaper articles about me almost being arrested for building a live nuclear reactor in our shed and wanted to see what I was really capable of.”

 

Holtz smiles and Erin can see for the first time why the bond between the two of them went as deep as it did.

 

“On my sixteenth birthday, I was all packed up ready to move to the States and then I ran into Kai on the way into town to pick up a few last things.

 

I was so surprised to see him, I’d thought for sure he’d been locked away for the rest of his life. But he smiled and joked and said he'd been let off for good behaviour. Like a fool, I believed him.

 

I was still wary, but I told him all about America and that I might actually get to work at CERN like I'd always dreamed and he seemed so happy for me and I stupidly thought for a second that they'd actually managed to _get_ to him in prison.

 

We parted and when I got home later, he was there waiting for me.”

 

Erin watches as the pain in her eyes deepens and she feels a ball of lead settle in her stomach at the horrible realization of how she thinks this story ends.

 

“They were all sitting at the table and my parents backs were to me, so for a second I thought everything was alright, but they _weren't_.”

 

Holtz chokes around a sob and it breaks Erin's heart into pieces.

 

“There was _so much blood_ and his hands were red with it and it was on his face and…he was so calm. He told me it could have all been avoided if I'd never left him alone. That I couldn't leave him. That I was _his_ and that my parents’ blood was on my hands, alone.

 

I don't remember much after that, we fought and he was strong but I was _angry_ and somehow this fire broke out and it distracted him because his father used to burn him when he'd been bad and I hit him over the head with something and then the police and fire service turned up and took him into custody, my parents remains were pretty much decimated in the fire…”

 

She's shaking badly now and it's all Erin can do to hold on and try to anchor them both.

 

“I phoned Rebecca, I didn't have anyone else and she got me on the first plane out. She helped me with everything, found me a place to live, and helped me change my name to help hide me once I finished my studies.

 

That's why I never settled in here, I was scared he would find me and now that I have a _family_ again all I can think about is what if he comes after you guys, too?”

 

“I won't let that happen,” Erin’s voice is hard through her tears.

 

Holtz looks to her with sad, but terrified eyes.

 

“The people in that house--those victims? Their marks, they’re the same as my parents-- they’re his M.O. And Jilly is the name he always called me.”

 

Erin feels sick, because she never _ever_ would have called her Jillian if she had known.  

 

“It's why Rebecca calls me Jillian, she's never called me anything else. She told me she wouldn't let a sociopath make me fear me own name.” She fingers the Screw U pendant that Erin knows Gorin also wears, similar--like a badge of honor.

 

“I call you Jillian-Jill...” Erin says and she feels so _guilty_.

 

“I know,” Holtz says, and her eyes are still watery but her smile is soft and Erin feels her saying ‘you fix me every day when you call me that’ and ‘thank you.’

 

“I can stop-”

 

“Never,” Holtz shakes her head, firmly.

 

It takes a second because Holtz is looking at Erin like she holds the power to mould planets in her hands but then the fear starts to drip down the back of her neck again.

 

“Wait, you said those people were killed like…does that mean he's _here_?” Erin asks, suddenly terrified.

 

“I don't know for sure. I think he's done his homework about my life, though and it’s probably not coincidence that this just _happens_ to happen right after I get detained by I.C.E.”

 

“We need to tell the others, Jill. They deserve to know.”

 

“Rebecca was in touch with the authorities after I called her this evening, they’re aware of who he is--they’ll be looking for him.”

 

“Abby and Patty, though-”

 

“They deserve to know if they're in danger, too. And I can still go, if they think it's too much to have me here still.”

 

“No,” Erin snaps and there's a weight of confidence in her words for the first time since Holtz began her story. “You're not going anywhere.”

 

She pulls Holtz to her then, wrapping her arms as tightly as they'll go and she feels their heartbeats stutter as they fall into sync.

 

“I won't let him take you from us. From me.”

 

Erin feels Holtz fold more into her body and another small sob slips out from between her lips.

 

“Erin-”

 

“I _promise_.”

 

They sit that way for a while, Erin rocking them softly as the night passes around them, because there's no space between them.

 

After a while she stops moving and pulls away gently from Holtz’s body, but never dropping her hand.

 

She stands and pulls Holtz up with her.

 

“Come to bed, Jill. We’ll still be here in the morning.”

 

They fall asleep with limbs entangled and Erin _aches_ as she waits for Holtz’s breathing to even out because this is closer than they've ever been.

 

But it's not enough, because Holtz has more wounds than she ever knew it was possible to still live with and she wants to move her lips over every single one and seal them all shut.

  


-

  


They don't want to go in the following day, but they both know they have to because the others need to have all the information they do.

 

Holtz phones Gorin on the way to the firehouse, asking for her to meet them there.

 

They walk hand-in-hand the whole way, partly because of Patty the day before, but mostly because Erin feels like the universe is begging them to stay connected.

  


-

  


When the others arrive Holtz tells them her story, too.

 

Abby is almost sick _twice,_ Patty cries, even Kev is at a loss for words, and in the space of an hour they're all sealed together with a bond that will never be broken.

 

Erin holds her hand the whole time and every time her eyes flick up to Gorin’s, she finds hawk-like golden brown already watching how their fingers wind together.

 

They all pull Holtz into a fierce hug when she finishes and Abby makes them all a hot drink as they talk about what happens next.

 

“I know this is serious, Holtzy but I think we've gotta let the authorities do their jobs. This guy is way too bat-shit crazy for us to be going after him.”

 

“I agree,” Gorin says, evenly. “Besides, the two of you still have a wedding to plan.”

 

“Oh yeah, speaking of--Jennifer from the Mayor’s office has come through for us big time, y’all.”

 

Somehow, in the space of twenty-four hours Patty and Jennifer had managed to pull together almost an entire wedding, sans a few final details.

 

The wedding has been set for the end of next week on Saturday.

 

Kevin will be in charge of the rings as designated best man for the both of them.

 

“So make damn sure y’all pick up some fakes and keep the real ones in your pockets, just in case,” Patty whispers warningly, eyeing Kev at the coffee machine trying to figure out how to turn it on. It’s already on.

 

Jennifer had agreed to officiate since neither Holtz nor Erin were of a particular faith that required a religious official.

 

All that’s left, Patty tells them with a wide grin, is for the both of them to be fitted for their outfits.

 

Abby agrees to drag Erin out to find a dress and Patty designated herself supervisor to go with Holtz to get her a suit.

 

It's ridiculous really, because Erin knows she should be worried but all she really is, is excited because this thing that just was a crazy idea a week ago is now very definitely happening and she's about to get _married_.

 

To Holtz.

 

There's a moment before they go their separate ways with Abby and Patty to outfit shop for the afternoon and their eyes lock across the kitchen and she doesn't say anything but apparently she doesn't have to because a blush to mirror her own creeps it's way up the neck of Holtz's shirt, settling prettily across her cheeks.

 

They're so fine and Erin doesn't know how she missed it before because she is beautiful, sure but it's more than that.

 

It runs deeper, like the springs that wash down off the ravines beneath the high, broad mountains that Holtz used to call home and Erin has never seen anything like it here.

 

They give each other a shy smile as Abby and Patty drag them in opposite directions down the street and they haven't even reached the first bridal shop by the time Erin feels the first text message comes through from Holtz.

 

**Holtz: 1.35pm**

**Patty's making me try on** **_plain_ ** **suits.**

 

Erin smiles before sending back a quick reply.

 

**Erin: 1.38pm**

**Tesla forbid you wear something traditional to your own wedding.**

 

**Holtz: 1.40pm**

**Come on, traditional is boring.**

 

**Erin: 1.43pm**

**I don't know, traditional on you for this one thing sounds…appealing.**

 

**Holtz: 1.45pm**

**Is that so?**

 

Erin scoffs, but it's all for show because all she can think of is Holtz in a smart black suit and she feels her cheeks glowing red again.

 

The next minute they arrive at the first shop though and Erin has to tuck her phone into her back pocket so she has two hands free to peruse the shelves with Abby.

 

They pick out a couple of dresses to start with and Erin slips into the changing room while Abby waits outside.

 

The first two look beautiful on the hanger but don't suit her at all so she doesn't hold much hope for the third dress when she slides the straps up her shoulders.

 

She doesn't bother looking in the mirror first, instead just pushes the curtain back to gauge Abby's reaction.

 

When Abby's mouth falls open, Erin spins quickly, worried there's something wrong with her, but she's never been more wrong.

 

She's modest, always has been and the [ dress ](http://g02.a.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1KFhoIXXXXXbzXFXXq6xXFXXXV/Free-Shipping-Spaghetti-Strap-Stunning-Boho-Low-Back-Wedding-Dress-High-Low-Dreamy-Floaty-font-b.jpg) is…it's something else.

 

“Oh Erin, it's _perfect_ ,” Abby breathes. “Third one, what are the chances?”

 

She spins in front of the mirror, and Abby's right, it is perfect.

 

The spaghetti straps of the dress sit perfectly in the notches of her shoulders, the bodice hugging her petite frame, but not so tight that she cannot breathe properly, also revealing a nice portion of her mid and upper back as the skirt billows down just below her knees in layers of soft white silk and lace. Erin can hardly believe they managed to find one so quickly.

 

It's simple, but beautiful and understated, but stunning and Erin actually almost cries when she sees her reflection in the floor length mirror.

 

“Holtz won’t know what hit her when she sees you,” Abby breathed, but catches herself. Erin’s eyes narrow, but Abby interrupts. “Are your parents coming?”

 

“No,” Erin answers simply. “I called them and left a message--my mother _emailed_ me back.” Abby’s eyes widened in apparent shock. “Saying her and my father _cannot condone their daughter marrying another woman_.” Abby whistled low, shaking her head. “I guess having a crazy daughter wasn’t good, but having her turn out to marry another woman was just the last straw.”

 

“I’m sorry, Erin. I always thought your parents were better than that-”

 

“It’s okay,” Erin sniffed, raising her chin and viewing her side profile in the dress--and it _was_. She had been hurt, yes--and had nearly been caught crying by Holtz in front of her computer, but she remembered what she was doing any why she was doing it and the pain in her chest had lessened considerably, especially when Holtzmann had come in with a gentle smile and a mug steaming with her favorite tea, made just the way she liked it. She found out that it didn’t matter what she did, it would never be enough to appease her parents, and she’d already nearly lost the greatest friendship she’d ever known because of their raising her to be cautious of what others thought of her, and she wouldn’t let that stop her again--not this time.

 

“But--it did make me wonder about something-” Erin turns to her friend and feels her heart catch in her chest at the way her friend, her _best_ friend, looked back at her with curious, but patient eyes.

 

“Would you walk me down the aisle, Abby?”

 

Abby’s eyes practically bugged out behind her thick black glasses at the request, jaw dropping and for a moment, Erin wondered if maybe what she was asking was inappropriate, but if there was anyone beyond Holtz who she knew she’d never have to worry about abandoning her in her time of need--it was Abby. Sweet, hard-headed and stubborn-as-a-mule Abby Yates. The woman who’d accepted her as she was and had never been afraid to call Erin out on her shit.

 

“Erin, I-” Abby’s eyes were shining and she smiled at her. “Of _course_ I will.” Erin reached over and pulled the shorter woman into a fierce hug, both women growing misty-eyed.

  


-

  


“I can't wait until Holtz sees you in this, she's going to flip. I mean…” Abby says, catching herself. “As a friend. Because you look beautiful and she'll be happy-that _you’re_ happy. As your friend.”

 

Erin's eyes narrow but the attendant is with them too quickly and Erin doesn't have a chance to ask Abby to explain her comment.

 

They try on a few others, just in case, but none come close to Erin's dress.

 

They organize to have it all bundled up and delivered later and the two of them head out into the late afternoon sun.

 

They walk through the park on the way back to the firehouse and Erin feels her phone buzz as they find a seat in the shade to stop for a while.

 

She opens the first message from Holtz, laughing out loud when she turns her phone sideways to better see the picture of Holtz in a hugely oversized, but plain pantsuit with the accompanying _‘does this make me look fat?’_

 

She scrolls down to read the next message and it's lucky Abby can only see her side profile because if she'd been watching Erin face-to-face, the game would be over in about ten seconds flat.

 

It's obviously not the suit she's chosen because they'd agreed not to show each other, which is lucky because it's rendered Erin speechless in a picture so who only _knew_ what would it be like in person.

 

The pants are tight and simple but cropped a bit, the top is just a jacket. With nothing underneath it and an open plunging neck.

 

‘Shame you voted traditional babe. This looks alright, huh?’

 

Speechless.

 

Erin's actually speechless.

 

Her mouth feels dry and she can feel her pulse roaring in her ears and she can't take her eyes off the long stripe of milky white that stops just below Holtz’s diaphragm.

 

Abby looks sideways at her, obviously confused about the sudden lack of coherence but her eyes flick down to the phone in Erin's hands and she smirks.

 

“So,” Abby says, very carefully. “What's going on with you two?”

 

“What do you mean?” Erin asks suddenly feeling very flustered.   

 

She plays coy for a second because she hasn't actually said this out loud to anyone yet, but she knows Abby can see it for the pathetic ruse it is.

 

“You _know_ what I mean,” Abby accuses gently.

 

Erin wraps her hands around her phone, gripping it firmer to stop the small shake in her hands from becoming any more noticeable.

 

She's scared, she doesn't think she's ever been so scared in her whole life because she doesn't think she's ready to say this out loud.

 

 _No_ , Erin thinks in the next second, correcting herself. Forty-eight hours without knowing if Holtz was ever going to come back to them.

 

 _That_ was worse.

 

But not by much.

 

She takes a deep breath and looks to Abby.

 

The other woman looks calm and Erin can feel the patience pouring off her and it's enough, enough to make her a little bit brave.

 

“I…I’m falling for her, Abby.”

 

It's simple, but it's kind of fitting because everything between them just kind of is.

 

Erin says the words out loud for the first time and she feels this subtle shift beneath her, like the universe is acknowledging her recognition and it makes her feel _calm_.

 

Because maybe they won't ever get together because Holtz doesn't think of her like that.

 

_Or does she?_

 

But it doesn't matter because above all else, she wants her friend to be happy. And feel _loved_.

 

And if that's with someone else then so be it.

 

But she _pleads_ to the universe in the space between her heartbeats, for it to be her instead.

 

“I don't know what that means yet or how much I feel but, I know that I do like her.”

 

Abby is soft and solid and she takes Erin's hand in hers.

 

“I want to say this comes as a huge surprise but that would be a lie,” Abby smiles.

 

“What?” Erin asks, panicked.

 

“Come on Erin, you never take your eyes off her.”

 

She feels the pricks of a panic attack settling in her stomach because she thought she had been careful.

 

“Hey,” Abby says quickly, reading Erin's silence easily. “It's _okay_ , you haven't been obvious. I've just known you a long time.”

 

Erin's shoulders relax slightly at that and the panic settles down to a gentle hum.

 

“I'm really proud of you for telling me. I thought it would have taken forever to get you to admit it.”

 

She knocks Erin's shoulder gently with her own and they both smile softly.

 

“Does she know?”

 

“No,” Erin shakes her head quickly. “I don't think so.”

 

“Are you going to tell her?”

 

“I don't know,” Erin says with a deep slow breath. “I just…it's two years and I don't want to mess this up or put her in a terrible position and I don't want her to feel obliged to do anything just because I've done this one thing for her.”

 

“I don't think Holtz has ever felt obligated to do anything in her entire life,” Abby says, laughing.

 

“You know what I mean, Abs,” Erin says quietly. “She's a good person. I don't want her to think she owes me anything.”

 

“So what? You're just going to sit around drowning in a pool of your own longing and wait until the day when she says something first, _if_ she says something first?”

 

“It's not like that,” Erin says a little exasperated. “I know that's what it sounds like, but it's not like that.”

 

“Hey, it's ok, Er. I know what you mean, I'm sorry. I just…it's none of my business but I think you should just…try talking to each other.”

 

“Why?”

 

Erin's watching Abby's face like a hawk because it feels like she knows something she's not saying, but Erin knows she'll never give it up because Abby Yates would keep a secret under torture, yet Erin wants to tear it away from her chest because what if it means what she **thinks** it might?

 

What she _hopes_ it might.

 

“Like I said Er, it's not my place. Just…talk to her? Promise?”

 

“Maybe. After the wedding. I don't want her running away before we get everything tied up.”

 

It's an excuse, and Abby knows it, too but she can sense Erin's close to her limit and backs off.

 

“Good. I just…life's short, Er. Don't forget that ok?”

 

She nods and stares at her phone in her hands again.

 

She smiles and sends Holtz back a picture of her in a beautiful princess dress that couldn't have been more wrong for her but that Abby insisted she try on.

 

The picture’s not great but the bodice is _tight_ and she feels like playing.

 

The reply comes through a few minutes later but it's from Patty's phone not Holtz's.

 

**Patty: 4.57pm**

**I don't know what you just sent through but Holtzy dropped her phone in her jug. We're at the pub if you want to come and take her home cause she don't look like she's capable of walking by herself.**

 

**Erin: 4.59pm**

**We're about ten away. See you soon.**

 

Abby stands, pushing off her thighs as she wraps her arm around Erin's shoulders.

 

“Come on lovebird. Let's get you back to your _fiancée_.”

  


-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, so tigerlo was very gracious and thought we'd tortured you guys enough--so take this chapter as our gratitude for all the beautiful comments. They've meant the world to both of us, and again, to tigerlo who busted her ass to make this story what it really is: incredible.
> 
> ljthebard
> 
> ps: from here on out there will be little easter egg links to show you what tigerlo and I envisioned so make sure that you keep an eye out!!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can anyone else hear wedding bells?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I hope you've all got some tissues ready because this was probably my favourite chapter to write and I think it's a little bit beautiful, even if I do say so myself. 
> 
> It's also HUGE so maybe bring a packed lunch with you? We almost split it up but couldn't bear it in the end.
> 
> Also - thank you all SO much for the amazing response, it's been quite overwhelming in the most wonderful way. Not long to go now team, so let your beautiful comments carry us through to the end.
> 
> Oh, and I think one of my favourite lines from the whole fic is in this chapter - I wonder if anyone can spot it?
> 
> xx tigerlo

When they meet the others Erin slides into the booth next to Holtz, because they're in public and they can't be seen  _ not _ wrapped together this close to the wedding. 

 

There's this little current that arcs between them and it's electric and  _ raw _ and new and it makes Erin's heart race a little faster. 

 

It takes Holtz longer than normal to wrap her arm around Erin's shoulder, but not because she seems shy or hesitant, merely still in shock and Erin relaxes into it when it's offered all the same, resting her head against Holtzmann’s shoulder almost naturally. 

 

The four of them sit in an easy silence for the most part, discussing a few little details about the upcoming rehearsal dinner Patty and Jennifer from the Mayor’s office have organized for the last few days before calling it a night. 

 

It's nice, not talking, just sitting with the others and Holtz does relax more and more, winding her fingers through Erin's without missing a beat as they walk out of the bar. 

 

They bid the others good night and Erin's not sure if she's imagining it but she's  _ sure _ she sees Patty throw Holtz a look like the one Abby's currently trying to catch her attention with before they lose sight of them. 

 

They pick up dinner on the way home and settle into the apartment for the night once they finish. 

 

It's only been a few days but they move around each other so seamlessly in the small space and the company is so warm and Erin's starting to forget what it was ever like to be alone. 

 

They put a crappy movie on, but Erin leans back into the couch because it's been a long day and her head is starting to ache, her whole body throbbing from stress. 

 

Holtz looks to her almost immediately, her face a picture of concern. 

 

“You alright?” 

 

“Fine,” Erin mumbles with her eyes still closed. “I'm just sore. I think I probably overdid it today.”

 

She feels the couch dip and Holtz is back a few minutes later pressing a cold water bottle into one hand and a few pills into the other. 

 

“Thank you,” Erin says gratefully against the pain in her head. 

 

“Bed?” Holtz asks softly. 

 

“Maybe in a second. I feel a bit sick.”

 

“I can carry you?” Holtz offers softly, her voice sounding worried. 

 

“Maybe in a bit,” Erin says, swallowing as a wave of nausea rushes over her. 

 

“Here,” she hears Holtz shuffle behind her. “Can you lay back and put your head in my lap?”

 

“I think so,” Erin says as she shuffles her body. 

 

She peels one eye open against the throb of her headache and sees Holtz sitting Indian style with a pillow in her lap. 

 

Erin leans back and she feels Holtz rest her cool fingers on either temple, a stark relief that makes her sigh in content. 

 

“May I?”

 

“Mmm,” Erin hums in agreement. 

 

She feels Holtz’s fingers slip into her hair and massage gently at her aching head and she actually lets a little moan slip because it feels  _ so _ good. 

 

She wants to stay awake, doesn't want to miss a second of this, but Holtz’s hands are soft, yet firm and the pain just melts away with every circle of her fingers and she's asleep before she can take another breath. 

  
  


-

  
  


She comes to some hours later, surprised to find herself in their bed rather than on the couch. 

 

Holtz is away, on her side as usual but she's facing Erin this time and she knows she shouldn't but the  _ longing _ in her chest is stretching out between them like the length of the world's oceans put together. 

 

She rolls over and scoots back, her back flush against Holtz's chest and before she has the chance to reach behind her for Holtz’s hand, her arm moves and slides around Erin's waist of its own accord. 

 

It fits perfectly in the hollow above her hips and Erin closes her eyes against the tide in her heart and  _ sleeps _ . 

  
  


-

  
  


The next few days pass without incident and Erin and Holtz spend the time they do have to themselves trying to fill in as many of the gaps between them as they can. 

 

It's easier than Erin ever would have thought because when Holtz asks her a question she finds she can answer almost every single one. 

 

They liaise with the police and Gorin, too, but there's no sign of Kai anywhere. Still, it’s enough to set Holtzmann on edge and at one point, wake her up in the middle of the night with agonizing cries that Erin practically feels vibrate down to her very core as she holds the woman and rocks her until she can return back to an easy slumber, whispering soothing nothings into her ear. 

 

The weekend comes and goes and they spend a large majority of that within arms reach of each other, but hardly touching, and it only makes Erin  _ yearn _ .

 

There are a few moments where they’re on the couch together, or standing hip to hip in the kitchen and if Erin turned her head their lips would  _ just _ brush and she feels this fire burning low in her belly constantly.

 

There are moments where she looks at Holtz and she thinks she sees the same thing, this  _ wanting _ mirrored in Holtz’s eyes but she doesn’t want to push in case she’s wrong so she just smoulders instead. 

  
  


-

  
  


They have a couple of small busts to divert their attention, and the last few details for the wedding to tidy up but beyond that the days are relatively quiet and Erin spends them counting the distance between them when Holtz isn’t right next to her.

 

The intimacy in public thing is both a blessing and a curse because it’s an excuse to always touch each other, but it just makes the  _ throbbing _ between Erin’s ribs better and worse at the same time.

 

They find they move automatically for each other now, Erin’s hand will blindly find Holtz’s as they walk down the street together, and Holtz’s arm slides ‘round her waist like the space along the line of Erin’s body was made for it and it  **burns,** but it’s  _ beautiful _ . 

  
  


-

  
  


Before Erin knows it, it’s Thursday and they spend the morning preparing for the rehearsal dinner later that evening.

 

She has to slip away during the middle of the day to pick up a few small surprises for Holtz and it’s hard because she’s so pleased with herself and she wants to show her but Erin wants to see the look on Holtz’s face when she surprises her with them so she waits.

 

They haven’t really talked about their actual wedding rings, in so far as that when Erin asked Holtz if she needed to organize her own Holtz had given her a short shake of her head to say that no, she had something ready and she had smiled and said the same when Holtz had asked her the question in return.

 

The ring is one of the chores for her afternoon, and when she picks it up she almost cries because it’s simple and beautiful and so perfectly Holtz that she can’t believe her luck in finding it.

 

She had spend hours pouring over different designs but none of them had been  _ right _ until finally she had found something that just  _ was _ . 

 

She slides the ring onto her own finger when the jeweller brings it out to test the size, because their fingers are identical--Erin had slipped a tied cherry stalk from their dessert around Holtz’s finger a few nights ago to check--and smiles when it settles perfectly over her own knuckle.

 

It’s white gold with a single stripe of onyx inlaid around the band, and about five cuts or so is a diamond inset in the band, in between the  [ onyx stripe ](http://www.luxorjewelry.com/app/images/65520_w.jpg) .

 

Honestly, she has no idea if Holtz will even wear it, she’s never seen her wear a scrap of jewelry beyond her ‘screw you’ necklace, but she had wanted so badly to give her something either way.

 

Erin tells herself this, but really, the idea of seeing Holtz with a wedding band on,  _ her _ wedding band, just sets this sensation skittling across Erin’s skin like she’s touched a live wire, and the feeling stays with her into the long hours of the darkness as she lies with Holtz next to her.

 

She arrives back at the firehouse in time to meet Holtz so they can go and get ready for the rehearsal dinner together and she turns the ring over and over in her pocket with the other hand that’s not linked with Holtz’s, and she doesn’t stop smiling the whole way home.

  
  


-

  
  


They get ready across two rooms so they don’t get in each other’s way, and she pulls on a simple, but elegant knee length  [ dress ](http://suchastyle.com/i/2016/01/thin-straps-sweetheart-knee-length-formal-black-dresses-with-front-sling-gold-high-heels.jpg) ; black with thin straps that perfectly frame the delicate bones of her shoulders and up around her long, delicate neck while Holtz is in the bathroom for a moment. 

 

She turns around to the sound of Holtz walking back into the room and there’s this second where time seems to still around both of them when their eyes fall on each others outfits. 

 

Holtz is wearing a sleek black pantsuit with a fitted white shirt, buttoned up, but leaving a few buttons undone from the top and her sleeves rolled up to her elbows, sleek black  [ suspenders ](http://f-rules.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/outfits-with-suspenders.jpg) and dress shoes complete the outfit. She looks stunning.

 

Holtz’s mouth just sort of falls open as her eyes fall down and then up Erin’s body and she puts a hand out to steady herself against the door frame.

 

“Uh…” Holtz says dumbly, struggling for a word to describe the apparent maelstrom of thoughts crashing through her brain, and Erin can imagine the look on her own face isn’t too dissimilar. 

 

“Wow,” Erin says, blinking a few times. “You look…”

 

“So do you,” Holtz finishes for her.

 

“I never knew you cleaned up so nice,” Erin joked to hide her surprise.

 

“Patty  _ did _ tell me I had to, but-I  _ wanted _ to. Look nice anyway…for you,” Holtz says, shyly. “But Er, you-you look… **enchanting** .”

 

She blushes prettily, something that only deepens when Holtz walks towards her, holding out her hand to Erin.

 

She slides her hand into Holtz’s, feeling her eyes grow misty and Holtz lifts her arm up, gesturing for Erin to twirl underneath it, and it’s silly, because it’s so simple, but it’s everything Erin has ever wanted to do since she was a small girl, dreaming about her perfect partner and her smile when she turns back to face Holtz could split the cosmos.

 

Holtz’s arm slips automatically around Erin’s waist, pulling them close as she twirls back into her body.

 

Erin sort of falls into Holtz’s body and their hips settle against each other, her free hand coming to rest against Holtz’ chest, the sliver of skin beneath her touch is warm and she can almost feel her heart hammering against her torso. Their noses touch for a fleeting second and Erin can feel Holtz’s breath on her lips but then she’s being spun out in a circle again, away from Holtz’s body, and Holtz drops her hand at the end of the arc. 

 

“Shall we?” The blonde asks with a shy smile, crooking her arm out.  

 

“Yes,” Erin says, with a shy smile of her own. “Let’s go.” She places her hand in the warm crease of her elbow as they exit their home, together.

  
  


-

  
  


In the end, the venue they used is actually at City Hall.

 

There are a few grand ballrooms in the building and Jennifer does an absolute flawless job of organizing and decorating the smallest one for them.  

 

It’s all high ceilings and marble columns but it’s still cozy and intimate and really, it’s perfect.

 

There are billowy white sheets draped from points of the ceiling outwards to the walls and it makes the room look like there’s a giant cloud floating above them all.

 

The tables are arranged at one end with room for dancing at one end--Patty’s suggestion--“I’ve seen you dance ballroom in the lab Holtzy, and I want to see what you can do when we give you the floor.”

 

The rehearsal dinner runs flawlessly, apart from Kevin almost setting the table cloth on fire  _ twice _ , but a quick handed doussal of water on Patty’s behalf, manages to extinguish it before any real damage is done. 

 

It should be fine really, because Holtz is a perpetually calming presence at her side, but sometimes Erin can’t do crowds of people well, even small ones like the fifteen or so of them there.

 

The others direct traffic around her because they know she can be a bit delicate in busy rooms, but after a while the room just starts to feel a bit  _ small _ and Erin needs air.  

 

There’s a break in the evening between the courses and Erin takes the chance as soon as she sees it, whispering in Holtz’s ear that she’s just going to go up to the roof. 

 

She disappears as quietly as she can, mouthing an ‘I’m okay’ to Abby on her way out.

 

She has to pass about six security guards but eventually she's able to push her way outside into the night. 

 

The air up on the roof is blissfully cool in contrast to the warm air of the ballroom and Erin closes her eyes and lets the moonlight soak into her skin. 

 

She's probably only been up there a few minutes when she feels a light hand at her waist and she almost jumps out of her skin, totally unaware of her surroundings as she listened to the calm of the evening. 

 

She spins, hands reaching for a weapon that's not at her waist because Holtz always made sure she carried something now, but she's got a dress on tonight and not pockets and her hand slips around nothing. 

 

But she takes a shaky breath in the next instant because it's not a stranger, it's Holtz. 

 

With a very apologetic look on her face and her hands raised in front of her in a gesture of supplication. 

 

“Easy Er, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You left before I could ask.”

 

Erin clutches at her chest with one hand, reaching for Holtz with the other while she tries to regulate her breathing. 

 

“It's fine, Jill. Sorry. I just wasn't expecting anyone.”

 

“You're the prettiest girl at the party, Gilbert. Did you really not think you'd have to fend the company off with a stick?”

 

“No,” Erin says, blushing because Holtz says it like she's entirely serious and not at all joking and maybe this isn't as lost as Erin had thought. “You really think so?”

 

“Well duh,” Holtz replies easily, shrugging with her hands in her pockets. 

 

Erin just blushes deeper and does this odd little curtsey and Holtz just laughs before joining her against the edge of the railing around the roof too. 

 

“Are you having a nice time?” Holtz asks turning to Erin. 

 

“I really am,” Erin says smiling. “Are you?”

 

“Yeah,” Holtz says smiling back. “It's better than I imagined.”

 

“Which part?”

 

Holtzmann looked at her then and Erin felt that current arc between them once more.

 

“All of it.”

 

Erin feels her heart start to beat faster because a second ago they were talking about the dinner and now Erin thinks they're talking about something else entirely. 

 

Holtz drops her eyes to the ground and clears her throat and keeps fiddling with something in her pocket and Erin can tell there's something on the tip of her tongue so she just pauses as the night settles around them and waits. 

 

“Er, I'm actually glad you came out here because there's this thing I've been wanting to talk to you about, and I had hoped I'd get to do it tonight, but I wanted to do it when it was just us and…”

 

She trails off for a second and Erin reaches out for her hand that's not buried in a pocket and entwined their fingers together like they normally do when one of them is anxious. 

 

It stills her and Holtz looks at Erin with a soft, dreamy sort of expression that doesn't tell of just friendship, but of hands held and mornings waking up together and something else. 

 

She brings Erin's hand up to her mouth, pressing a quick kiss to it before she drops to her knee between them and Erin bites her lip to stop from gasping. 

 

“I know that we don't love each other in the way that people normally do when they get married, but that doesn't mean that  _ I _ don't love you, or that this is any less real because of that.”

 

She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a  [ ring ](https://www.etsy.com/listing/201976109/valentines-day-30-off-sr235-natural-blue) and Erin does gasp then.

 

The band is white gold, flaunting an oval cut star-sapphire, surrounded by a filigree of small diamonds. It’s clearly an antique ring, not something picked up in most stores nowaday and it’s the most beautiful thing Erin’s ever seen--apart from the woman holding it. 

 

“I should have done this weeks ago, but I was a bit scared, I think, so bear with me now. 

 

I wanted to make sure you knew how much I adore you for helping me and I want you to know that I'm as committed to this as I would be to a conventional marriage. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to show you how much this means to me. How much  _ you _ mean to me.

 

What I can do though, is promise to be a good wife and to do right by you.”

 

She looks down at the ring in her hand and then smiles up to Erin. 

 

“This was my mother’s. It's the only thing I have left of hers, and I wondered if you'd wear it. As my wife?”

 

Erin's not sure when she started crying but she wipes her eyes with a shaky hand as she squeezes the other still holding Holtz’s hand. 

 

“Jill, I…”

 

“My mother would have loved you very much, Erin Gilbert, and I know how much it would have meant to her to know someone I loved got to wear this when she couldn't.”

 

Holtz stands up then, and so, so gently slides it into Erin's ring finger. 

 

It's a perfect fit-- _ of course _ \--because their hands are exactly the same size and Holtz knows that as well as she does. 

 

It slips into place and at the same time something monumental  _ shifts _ within Erin's chest and her breath almost completely leaves her body because suddenly it's so incredibly clear to her. 

 

Love. 

 

She loves Holtz. 

 

She is  _ in _ love with Holtz. 

 

_ Jillian _ . 

 

She's in love with Jillian. 

 

They're standing close against the edge anyway, but Erin feels her body move towards Holtz of its own accord and she's half tucked into the blonde's side, half turned to face her. 

 

Holtz moves a hand up to sweep a tear from her cheek and then to Erin's hair, pushing it away from her eyes so they can look at each other and the world suddenly seems very very small, because it's just them. 

 

It's always just been  _ them _ . 

 

Holtz’s hand moves along the line of Erin's jaw, sliding into the hair behind her ear and Erin moves in, too. Her own hand moving from the railing to the ridge of Holtz’s hipbone as her eyes flutter closed. 

 

She can feel the heartbeat of the universe move between them and she feels the soft puff of Holtz's shaky breath on her lips and they're so,  _ so _ close. 

 

And then the door to the roof crashes open and Patty comes pouring out. 

 

“Where the Hell have y’all been? There are tables of hungry guests waiting downstairs and… _ oh _ .”

 

She's brought up short when she sees how close they're standing, even though Holtz has already taken a step back, but instead of apologizing, she just regards them with a wide smirk and doesn't say a word. 

 

She turns around to leave and waits until the others can't see her face, presumably so they don't see her laugh if the smile in her voice is anything to go by. 

 

“You've got two minutes, ladies. I want my lobster.”

 

They break apart and they're still very close but they're blushing furiously now and the moment falls away between them. 

 

_ For now.  _

 

Instead, Holtz just gives Erin a sweet smile and leads her back inside without a word. 

 

Because they know they have  _ time _ now.

  
  


-

  
  


The rest of the evening passes in a blur and Erin’s eyes don’t leave the ring around her finger or the profile of Holtzmann’s face the entire time.

 

They walk home together hands intertwined much later and they don’t say anything the entire walk, but the silence between them is like an old friend.

 

Erin drops Holtz’s hand reluctantly when she has to unlock the door, but the low light of the hallway throws sparkles across the wall when it strikes the diamonds on her finger and it’s the second most beautiful thing she’s seen this evening.

 

The first being the woman at her side.

 

They walk into the apartment together and there’s this shyness that’s settled between them since Patty interrupted them on the roof, and it’s not  **bad** , it’s just kind of  _ there _ . 

 

It’s sweet and hesitant and Erin doesn’t think she’s felt anything like it since she was fifteen and kissed someone for the first time.  

 

And she just wants to pull Holtz towards her and kiss her and press her up against the wall and claim her, because now that she knows that’s what she really wants, she can’t think about anything else.

 

But she doesn’t think there’s enough ceremony in it to just kiss Holtz now, like the moment is so massive that it deserves  _ more _ . 

 

An audience or the stars or  _ something, _ and Erin thinks now, she can feel it in her  **blood** that this is maybe something Jillian wants, too and so, she can wait. 

 

Because it’s not that she wants to put this whole thing on a pedestal, but she wants to do it justice and she looks to Holtz, across the room shrugging her shoes off and she knows that it’s ok.

 

Because they’re both exhausted and she can see it on Holtz’s face that she just wants to fall into bed, because the week has been exhausting and sometimes Erin’s head still throbs like it’s been hours since she blacked out, not days.

 

She kicks her heels off and walks over to Holtz, pulling her hair back to expose the zip running down the back of her dress that she’d been able to do up earlier and could probably pull down now…

 

But Holtz can do it, too and so what if she wants feel cool fingers run down along the line of her spine. 

 

Holtz smiles slyly, like she knows  _ exactly _ what Erin’s doing and she obliges, moving as slowly and with as light a touch as she possible.

 

Erin  _ shivers _ and she feels Holtz’s touch in her bones.

 

She slides one finger carefully under the strap of Erin’s dress and drags it down and the shiver moves outwards, settling low in her stomach.

 

Erin looks over her shoulder to Holtz, whose lips are close enough to Erin’s skin that she could almost kiss the line where the strap was a second ago but instead she just smiles coyly against the skin.

 

_ Oh _ , Erin thinks. 

 

It’s a  _ game _ now.

 

Because she can see the light of it in Holtzmann’s eyes and Erin thinks in that second that she wants the same thing; that she wants to wait, too.

 

Just a bit longer.

 

When Erin speaks its gravelly and low, and she watches as Holtz’s eyes get ever so slightly darker.

 

“Bed?”

 

“Bed.”

  
  


-

  
  


Holtz doesn’t sleep on her side that night.

 

She sleeps in the middle.

 

With Erin.

 

They fall asleep almost as soon as their heads hit the pillow, but their hands are linked beneath the blankets tonight, and when Erin wakes in the morning, she wakes with Holtz’s arm over her waist and Holtz’s breath at her neck and she smiles.

 

Because the thing that  _ shifted _ has now  **settled** , and somehow she knows everything is going to be okay.

  
  


-

  
  


The next day, the last day before the wedding, passes in an absolute flurry.

 

They spend some of the day together, and go out for a drink with Patty and Abby and Kevin. Dr Gorin joins in the late afternoon and Gorin eyes the ring on Erin’s finger, meeting the physicist’s eyes across the table and Erin smiles proudly as Gorin nods her head in approval. They are getting ready to head home when Abby slides her hand into the crook of Erin’s arm.

 

“Nuh-uh missy, you’re not going home together tonight.”

 

“What do you mean?” Erin asks confused, turning to look at Holtz who looks just as confused.

 

“Holtzy is coming home with me, and Abby is going home with you,” Patty says clarifying, wrapping her arm around Holtz’s shoulders. 

 

“But,” Erin tries, but Patty cuts her off.

 

“Y’all can handle one night without each other, besides it’ll make tomorrow more special if you don’t see each other until the ceremony.”

 

Erin looks to Holtz and while it’s a nice idea, she’s actually a bit disappointed because she had been looking forward to spending the night together before their day tomorrow. 

 

“Twenty-four hours isn’t going to kill you, Erin,” Abby says with a smile. “Besides, it’s not like you were going to have one last night of crazy pre-marital sex to send yourselves off into married life, right?”

 

Abby’s face is joking but she looks between Erin and Holtz and her eyebrows raise as if to say ‘ _ right?! _ ’ but thankfully Patty steps in before Abby actually starts interrogating the two of them on the spot. 

 

“Come on, girl. I’ve got all your stuff ready at my place,” Patty says, clapping Holtz on the back.

 

Holtz looks to Erin like someone’s just pulled the rug out from under her, which is exactly how Erin feels but they can’t really do anything but look at each other.

 

They’re about to part ways, but Erin doesn’t want to just  _ leave _ so she pulls away from Abby’s hold gently and presses herself into Holtz, wrapping an arm round her waist and whispering in her ear.

 

“See you tomorrow?”

 

“I’ll be the one at the end of the aisle, waiting for you,” Holtz murmurs into the soft skin of Erin’s throat. 

 

Her lips ghost over Erin’s pulse and she shivers again before they both pull away very, very slowly.

 

“Alright,” Patty says loudly, dragging Holtz by the arm. “We’re leaving. Good night, ladies.”

 

“Night, Patty,” Abby laughs, taking Erin’s arm again. 

  
  


-

  
  


She and Abby head home and have a quiet glass of wine before Erin sets up the couch for Abby.

 

“You sure you’re going to be okay out here?” Erin asks as she pulls the blankets out of the hall cupboard.

 

“I shared a room with you in college remember?” Abby says with a wry smile. “You snore like a boar.”

 

“I do not,” Erin retorts, aghast.

 

“No, but Holtz said you like to get handsy in your sleep.”

 

When Erin looks up, a scowl and complaint on her tongue, Abby’s face is alight with humor.

 

“I’m joking, Erin,” Abby says, laughing. “So, have you got everything sorted for tomorrow?”

 

“Yeah,” Erin says, feeling reasonably calm. “I think so.”

 

“No second thoughts?” Abby asks, her face suddenly a little more serious.

 

“None,” Erin states confidently as she spreads the cover out on the couch. “Anything else you need?”

 

“Nope,” Abby says, popping the ‘p’ and smiling back at Erin’s assurance. “Hey Er?”

 

Erin moves towards their bedroom, stopping to lean against the doorway as Abby gets into her makeshift bed before looking at Erin with something between the admiration of a friend and respect of a parent. 

 

“I’m really proud of you.”

 

Erin just smiles back because she’s a little proud of herself. And she’s proud of them for repairing their friendship and for bringing this group together because  _ they saved the world  _ together. 

 

“Good night, ghost girl. Sleep well.”

 

She draws the doors to the lounge closed behind her and goes about getting herself ready for bed.

 

Her dress is hanging off the back of the door to the bathroom, Abby having dropped it off earlier in the day. 

 

She’s brushing her teeth, spinning Holtz’s wedding band round and round her pinky finger when she hears her phone buzz on her night stand. 

 

It’s from Holtz, and Erin smiles as she leans down to read it.

 

**Holtz: 11.02pm**

**Can I call you?**

 

Erin feels a jolt of panic and dials Holtz’s number as quickly as she’s able.

 

Holtz picks up on the second ring, and Erin breathes a little easier when she hears the sound of the blonde’s voice because she doesn’t sound anxious, or scared.

 

“Jill? Is everything okay?”

 

_ “Everything’s fine Er. I just--missed you.” _

 

“Oh,” Erin says relieved, flopping down onto her back on the bed. “Thank goodness.”

 

“ _ What? _ ” Holtz asks, and Erin can hear the smile in her voice. “ _ Thought I might have had cold feet? _ ”

 

“No,” Erin quips. “No, I just thought it might have been something else.”

 

“ _ Sorry to disappoint, _ ” Holtz says, and Erin can hear her shifting in her own bed for the evening. 

 

“It’s not a disappointment,” Erin says smiling to herself as she climbs into bed. “It feels weird, not having you here next to me.”

 

“ _ Yeah, I know what you mean. _ ” Holtz says, seriously. “ _ I don’t know  _ how _ I’m going to get to sleep without your snoring. _ ”

 

“ _ Jill _ ,” Erin says, exasperatedly. “I’m trying to-”

 

“Er, _ I know. I’m just teasing. I miss you, too. _ ”

 

“I wish we could have been together tonight,” Erin frowns. 

 

“ _ As do I, but I’m also sort of glad. _ ”

 

“Why?” 

 

“ _ I told you once, I’m definitely going to treat this like the wedding you deserve--tradition and all. _ ”

“Jillian Holtzmann, the traditionalist,” Erin says laughing. “Who would have thought?”

 

“ _ Shut up, _ ” Holtz laughs. “ _ Anyway, I'll let you get your beauty sleep. I just wanted to say goodnight. _ ”

 

“Good night, Jillian.” 

 

“ _ Good night, Erin. _ ”

 

She's about to hang up when she hears Holtz speak again. 

 

“ _ Hey Er? _ ”

 

“Yeah Jill?”

 

“ _ Keep off my side. _ ”

 

“Good  _ night, _ Jillian.”

  
  


-

  
  


She sleeps for a few hours at a time, waking when she reaches for a warm body that in reality hasn't been there for longer than a couple of weeks, but to Erin's soul it feels like they've never been apart. 

  
  


-

  
  


When she finally wakes in the morning Erin's skin feels warm as she stares longingly at the pillow she’d finally snuggled up against in her last sleeping hours--Holtzmann’s pillow--and she quietly breathes in the scent of the blonde, feeling a different kind of warmth roll through her veins at the earthy musk and undertones of smoke and metal that was her  _ soon-to-be wife _ before rolling out of bed and into preparation for the day with a calmer mind than she had expected.

 

Because this afternoon she gets to walk down the aisle to the physical embodiment of possibility and  _ hope _ and there isn’t anything to be scared of anymore. 

  
  


-

  
  


People arrive at the apartment an hour or so later to start getting Erin ready as Abby fusses with her own outfit and then attempts to keep Erin static while she handles the rest.

 

Erin sits in her kitchen in nothing more than a soft white robe while people primp and curl and fuss, and she just waits, replies to the odd text from Holtz complaining about people trying to do her hair wrong or trying to persuade her to run away and elope.

 

There’s a knock at the door in the mid-morning and Erin looks to Abby confused, because they’re not expecting anyone else, and Abby pushes Erin gently back down into her chair to let the makeup artist finish while she answers the door.

 

Erin doesn’t hear anything for a moment, just a distinct rustling sound and before she can ask the woman applying blush to her cheeks to politely to move out of the way, Abby returns with an enormous bunch of white flowers in her arms-- _ edelweiss _ .

 

“Guess who?” Abby asks, and she’s smiling as she holds the card out for Erin to read while she fusses with another woman to cut the flowers and put them in a vase. 

 

**The ring might be precious and beautiful, but I wanted to give you something that was yours from the start.**

 

‘ _ I was yours from the start. _ ’ Erin thinks as she looks to Abby, confused before Abby hands her a small parcel that she’d obviously come with the day before.

 

It’s a small box, flat but about the size of Erin’s outstretched hand, and she’s shaking as she removes the lid carefully.

 

There are two things in the box, the second is something hidden beneath a layer of tissue paper and on top of this is a beautiful hammered white gold  [ bangle ](https://www.etsy.com/listing/103705385/bangle-bracelet-sterling-silver-hammered?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_us_c-jewelry-bracelets-bangles&utm_custom1=eb04e29a-3c1d-48f9-96e1-dc5b8ed79b40&gclid=Cj0KEQiAwMLDBRDCh_r9sMvQ_88BEiQA6zuAQ9YJp5J8MHA7xf-wrOp-3dKnfOpzNH07UmcP3Qnk9o4aAnau8P8HAQ) that--Abby explains--Holtz had made herself. 

 

“She swore me to secrecy,” Abby says, smiling as she watches Erin place the bangle over her right wrist, her eyes beginning to mist and the makeup artist tuts at her before coming through with a tissue to dab around her makeup before carefully reapplying.

 

Moved beyond words, Erin removes the second layer of tissue paper to look underneath. 

 

She frowns at first, not fully understanding but Abby steps up to her side to explain as Erin pulls a beautiful, delicate  [ wreath ](https://cdn-img-2.wanelo.com/p/a9f/ca1/453/fddab6f9cb4e627aeb1496c/x354-q80.jpg) made from smaller white freesia flowers and twine from within the box.

 

“Holtz said it’s a Swiss tradition. The bride wears a crown or wreath on her head--they’re supposed to represent maidenhood and youth or something and I think you’re supposed to burn it after you exchange your vows. Apparently, if it burns fast, you’re a lucky bride.”

 

Erin turns the crown over in her hands, at a complete loss for something to say and Abby trades Erin the wreath for her phone. Her hands shake as she presses dial next to Holtz’s name.

 

“Good morning?” Holtz asks more than says, and Erin can hear the nervous waver in her voice ever so subtly across the line.

 

“Jill, I don’t even know what to say. It’s beautiful. They’re  _ both _ beautiful.”

 

“Oh. I just wanted to give you something and-”

 

“You’ve already given me enough,” Erin’s words start to feel a bit thick in her throat. 

 

“I could  _ never _ give you enough,” Holtz says simply on the other end, and her voice sounds clearer now. 

 

“ _ Thank you _ ,” Erin says, trying hard to not cry because the makeup artist is glaring at her over Abby’s shoulder as she packs up most of her things, and she hopes that Holtz can feel the weight behind her words because she’s never meant it more than she does right now. 

 

“Anything, Er. You know that. I’ll see you soon?”

 

“Yeah,” Erin beams. “I’ll see you soon.” 

 

The thought makes her feel  _ warm _ because she is going to see her friend, her  _ fiancée _ so soon, and that's going to be at the end of a  _ wedding aisle _ and it’s nothing like Erin had ever planned. It’s going to be perfect.

  
  


-

 

Before she knows it, Erin is dressed and bundled up in a car with Abby next to her and she hasn’t really looked in the mirror, but Abby cried when she came out wearing her dress so that’s got to be a good sign.

 

They arrive at City Hall and Abby pulls the little present box out, helping Erin to place the wreath on her head, careful to not mess with the curls that her hairdresser set in for her earlier, before the door is opened for them and they’re being led inside.

 

She and Abby walk down the halls lead by a few official looking men in suits, because this  _ is _ still City Hall, until they come to a pair of closed doors with a nameplate next to the door with white letters in the slats pronouncing:

 

_ CITY HALL WEDDING CHAPEL & VENUE _

_ GILBERT-HOLTZMANN WEDDING  _

_ 1:00PM _

 

Erin turns toward her best friend, smile widening.

 

“Thank you, Abby. For everything,” voice shaking as she stands there holding the crook of Abby’s arm...

 

“Anytime, Er. You ready?” Abby asks with a watery smile.

 

“As I’ll ever be,” Erin says with a laugh but they both know she’s never been more ready for anything in her entire life.

 

Abby gestures to the men on either side of the door and they pull it open for them, revealing an aisle with an arch running down the length of it, white flowers woven between and around the wooden vines that make up the arches.

 

It takes Erin’s breath away for a second and Abby just waits, patiently squeezing at Erin’s arm and they begin their walk together.

 

Her eyes are watery now, because everything just looks  _ so _ beautiful, and it’s more than Jennifer and Patty had organized and Erin knows it was Holtz, it was  _ all _ Holtz.

 

She’s been in this strange sort of dream-state all day but the second her eyes find Holtz’s down the line of the aisle her breath catches so suddenly in her throat that she actually gasps.

 

The rest of the walk  _ is _ a dream because she doesn’t remember anything else apart from  _ Jillian _ . 

 

As they get closer, Erin’s eyes can hardly contain everything, all of Holtzmann in a perfectly tailored  [ _ suit _ ](http://cdn04.cdn.justjared.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/blunt-iwc/emily-blunt-cate-blanchett-iwc-commercial-italy-05.jpg) , black with a white undershirt and a solid black  [ bowtie ](http://lh4.ggpht.com/-fZbXnIHhZXI/VC1fCdAJ4MI/AAAAAAABJkA/pG7K9jvgoXU/s745/Celeber-ru-Emily-Blunt-IWC-Schaffhausen-Photoshoot-2014-04.jpg) , an edelweiss boutonniere clipped to the hem. Her hair is done up in it’s usual updo, but it’s flawless and out of her eyes and Holtz even forewent her famous yellow glasses, just so she could look at Erin like she was now; a smile brighter than the sun and the way her body practically bends towards Erin as they walk towards her.

 

Finally, after what seems like an eternity, Abby and Erin arrive at the end of the aisle. Erin looks past Abby for a second to Patty who is smiling like the world’s proudest parent, snapping picture after picture on her phone. 

 

Abby takes a breath of her own, pressing a kiss to Erin’s cheek before she officially hands Erin over to Holtz who takes Erin’s shaking hand in her own.

  
  
-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wo0o0o! We’re gettin’ down and dirty. I know y’all’re on the edge of your seats, but tigerlo has been MORE than gracious to allow me to bother her about posting on a daily basis so just sit tight and enjoy the ride :3 more to come soon! <3 - xx ljthebard


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We change over to Holtz's POV for a bit and TRIGGER WARNINGS are back in effect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well team, here we are. There’s a baby epilogue after this, but this monster is really the penultimate chapter in this story. It truly has a bit of everything, so I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> I think you’ll all be happy at the end. I know I was writing it. <3
> 
> xx tigerlo
> 
> \--  
> thank you to every kind person who has left kudos', comments and just stuck by this story. This monster beauty has been so much fun to develop and I really hope that it encourages everyone to never be afraid to let your imaginations fly. :3 
> 
> Translations for Kai/Holtz standoff are done in ITALICS because I got tired of trying to find the correct translation for Swiss-German which is not the same as regular German and people were complaining, despite that Tigerlo and I try to give you the most accurate descriptions as possible :3 -ljthebard

It’s a symphony.

 

Oceans stop moving and time bends around them and the stars pause to watch because never in her life will she see anything as beautiful as this again.

 

It’s all she can think, all she can focus on from the second those doors swing open and Jillian Holtzmann watches as Erin Gilbert walks down the aisle to meet her.

 

Erin looks beautiful from far away but she only becomes _more_ so with every step she takes towards Holtzmann.

 

Her dress is simple, but it's stunning and when Holtz's eyes stop trying to take on as much as she can and looks at Erin's face, at how soft and warm it is, she starts crying.

 

This whole thing has been an absolute rollercoaster but as much as she should, Holtz can't make herself regret a _thing_ because Erin Gilbert is walking towards her and it's everything she ever wanted in her entire life coming to fruition at once.

 

And there are things sitting like a weight in the pit of her stomach; guilt for taking two years away from Erin and fear because she's put them all in danger by staying, but it's all utterly trumped by the sight of the woman walking towards her now.

 

These last two weeks have been the hardest of her life to date because her friend, maybe her best friend, who she's been utterly, hopelessly, completely in love with since the moment Holtz first laid eyes on her agreed to marry her to keep Holtz safe, and here.

 

And every day since she moved in and shared Erin's bed has been torture of the highest degree but it's also been the most beautiful kind of destruction the universe has _ever_ designed.

 

Because she's been _longing_.

 

Longing to reach out to Erin in her sleep or kiss her while they're curled up on the couch and _claim_ her, but now she's going to be Holtz's wife and the thing that was once a distant distant dream is looking very close to real because Erin looks at her like she's the only person between her and the stars.

 

And sometimes Holtz still wants to run, because _he's_ still out there somewhere and she knows he'll come for her one day, but maybe she doesn't have to do this alone.

 

Because two hearts are stronger than one and hers and Erin's together feel like they could withstand a war.

 

Finally, _finally_ , they reach her and Abby kisses Erin on the cheek before she gives Erin to Jillian and the world around her starts anew.

 

Erin reaches up to wipe at one of her tears before she wraps their hands together and it's perfect because it feels like they were made in the same mould.

 

Erin looks even more beautiful close up and Holtz just can't take her eyes off her, her eyes hungry for everything, taking it and searing it into her memory.

 

She's wearing the bangle and the flower crown and it just makes Holtz ache because her past is here with her future and it means so much more to Holtz than she thought it would to have a union between them, finally.

 

Jennifer starts speaking in front of them then and Holtz takes a breath, Erin's hands warm in hers as they _begin_.

 

-

 

There's a moment when their eyes finally lock and their hands intertwine at the altar.

 

A beat and the whole world comes to a screaming halt that Erin can feel in her _veins_ because Holtzmann's not looking at her like a friend looks at another friend.

 

She's looking at Erin like Erin looks at her.

 

Like there's so much love in her bones that the weight of carrying it alone every day makes her ache.

 

Erin's heart is hammering in her chest and she wants to push her palm against her heart and ask it to _slow_ but she doesn't want to let go of Holtz's hand.

 

Ever.

 

She's so nervous, more so than she's ever been in her entire life but she's excited too, and hopeful, and that eclipses all else.

 

Her heart is like a drum and then there's a tiny, small flicker of panic when Erin thinks ‘oh, I love her’ and ‘how can I do this if I love her’, and ‘this is wrong because we should date and get to do normal stuff and that won’t happen now and what if Holtz always thinks this is an obligation’ and not understand that this is _everything_ to Erin and that Erin would do _anything_ for her.

 

But then Erin calms because Jillian’s looking at Erin like she never has to search for anything else for the rest of her life, because everything she's always wanted is here.

 

And everything settles in Erin's soul because she _would_ do anything and this is the only way they get anything and so what if they have to work backwards from the start.

 

She hears Jennifer begin to speak and Holtz is still crying but Erin's not anymore because they're almost two halves of the same whole and she's never felt more balanced in her life.

 

Jennifer runs through the pleasantries of the beginning of the ceremony and then finally they get to the vows and there's probably a lot in between but Erin doesn't hear it.

 

They had agreed on standard vows but Erin had written her own last night and she blushes when she says as much and then blushes deeper when Holtz admits that she has, too.

 

She takes a breath that makes her ribs ache before she looks at Holtz and begins.

 

“When I met you I remember being so jealous of you because you could always bring light into a room, no matter how grey it was. You brought light into my life Jill, and I'll never be able to thank you enough for that.

 

I know your life hasn't been easy but now I'm so happy and honoured because I get the chance to bring light to your grey.

 

I know none of this is really conventional, but what about us ever has been?

 

And I know that there will be hurdles and tears, but I get to marry my best friend and I know everything else will be okay.

 

You're the bravest person I've ever met for not giving up with the hand you were dealt, but you didn't just _survive_ Jill, you **lived** and that just makes me even prouder to be your wife.”

 

Holtz is crying properly now but when Erin finishes she smiles and it's like a break of sun through the clouds on a dark day and Erin feels her draw strength from their joint hands and began her own vows;

 

“I never thought I'd get married, you know?

 

I never understood how you could find one person, out of everyone alive, that wanted to spend the rest of their life with you.

 

I thought happy endings were just something in movies and something for strangers and never thought I'd ever be one of the people that got to have theirs.

 

My life has been equations and numbers and sketches. Mostly little poofs, with some big poofs and that's what this feels like Er, the biggest one yet.

 

One big enough to bandage wounds I never thought would heal and for that, I will love you, forever.

 

You say I'm brave, Erin, but I know you're braver. Because I'm not an easy person to be around sometimes, but you've never made me feel like I was. Ever.

 

And I'll spend the rest of my life trying to repay that, but I can't wait.

 

I can't wait to live every single day we have left here lighter, because you'll be my wife.”

 

Erin's hands are shaking because that word, _wife_ , sounds purer and more beautiful than anything she's ever heard before and they get to _be_ that to each other.

 

Jennifer turns to Kevin for the rings, who unsurprisingly pats his pockets looking panicked before Patty and Abby roll their eyes and hand her two small boxes.

 

“Ladies, if you'll repeat after me? I, Erin Renée Gilbert take you, Jillian Noëlle Holtzmann to be my wife. This ring is a symbol of the bond between us and is a promise that I will love you, always. For as long as we both shall live.”

 

Her voice is shaky but she says _Jillian_ and wife and her heart sings as she slides the [ ring ](http://www.luxorjewelry.com/app/images/65520_w.jpg) onto her _wife's_ finger.

 

Holtz looks down at it and her eyes are alight and amazed because whatever she was expecting it obviously wasn't as perfect a match as the ring Erin had found.

 

Then it's Holtz's turn and she parrots “I, Jillian Noëlle Holtzmann take you, Erin Renée Gilbert to be my wife...” and Erin starts crying again.

 

Both of their hands are shaking as Holtz slides a hammered white gold [ band ](https://img0.etsystatic.com/000/0/5330759/il_fullxfull.351785784.jpg) onto Erin's ring finger that's the perfect twin to her bangle, clicking neatly in front of Erin’s sapphire.

 

Someone brings out a metal box and Holtz carefully takes the wreath off her head, placing it in the box as she lights something that looks like sage.

 

“Shame,” she smiles at Erin. “It looks beautiful.”

 

Erin closes her hand over Holtz's and they throw the lit sage into the box and the crown goes up in flames, immediately.

 

The fire is hot and bright and Erin thinks there must be a beautiful parallel somewhere there. A member of the congregation comes by and shuts the lid to the box, dousing the flames and disposing of the ashes since they were inside and did not need to set off any fire alarms.

 

Erin hears Jennifer say something in the background that sounds like ‘by the power vested in me by the state of New York...’ but all she really wants are her next words.

 

“I now pronounce you married. You may kiss your bride.”

 

Erin looks to Holtz and she's _so_ glad they waited because their eyes meet and they both know the game is over now, that this is it.

 

Erin suddenly feels shy, because there are a lot of people in this room with them but she looks to Holtz and suddenly that doesn't matter.

 

Holtz's hands slide over her cheekbones and Erin's hands rest lightly in the curve of her hips and they move towards each other with the weight of someone that moves towards water after having their chains to the land struck off.

 

Erin's eyes flutter closed at the last minute and she feels rather than hears Holtz whisper something that she swears is ‘ _I love you_ ’ against her lips as they _finally_ come together.

 

It's phenomenal.

 

It's like a light rain over her skin on a sweltering day and ice down the back of her neck and an explosion in the deepest part of her body.

 

Holtz's lips are soft as they fit against Erin's perfectly and every single synapse in her body fires at the same time.

 

Erin feels fingers curl in the hair at the base of her neck and she pulls Holtz's hips flush against hers and she had meant for the kiss to be chaste, because there are _a lot_ of people watching them, but Holtz tastes like mint and something spicy and she never wants to stop.

 

Eventually, the cheers erupt around them and they both hear Patty’s nondescript cough and they draw back, faces flushed, eyes dark.

 

She looks at Holtz, who smiles back, looking as in love as Erin feels.

 

Holtz slides her hands from Erin's face, down her neck, over her arms, sending goosebumps in their wake, to thread their fingers together and then they turn toward the aisle, and face their future, together.

 

-

 

They're enveloped by the others as soon as they turn to face the crowd.

 

Abby and Patty reach them first, and they're both just as teary-eyed, too.

 

They wrap Erin and Holtz up in a huge, watery hug before they're passed from person to person, collecting congratulations as they go.

 

The guest list isn't huge, mostly city officials, an Immigration Agent that-- _thankfully_ \--wasn’t Agent Roberts and a few of their personal clientele, but it's large enough that at some point they're pulled away from each other to attend to different groups of people.

 

It's okay for a while, because Erin can keep making eye contact with Holtz over shoulders and around backs, but then somewhere along the evening Erin loses sight of her and the room is starting to feel **heavy** , like it had at the rehearsal dinner, and Erin just needs some more air.

 

She can't see Holtz, but she can see Abby so she gestures to her chest and then the door and Abby nods in understanding.

 

The corridors away from their ballroom are quieter, only a few people milling around, and Erin slips away off to the roof easily only meeting a few people on the way.

 

When she finally pushes the door out onto the roof the air is cooler on her bare arms than she was anticipating, but she draws it gratefully into her lungs all the same.

 

The slight sheen of over-stimulation on her skin is starting to fade with the quiet stillness of the night and the realization is starting to buzz in her blood again.

 

Because she's _married_.

 

She's married to Jillian Holtzmann.

 

And she doesn't think there has ever been as much hope in the stars.

 

The night air is just starting to chill her skin and Erin turns to leave when a strange noise catches her attention somewhere behind her.

 

She hears a crunch of heavy boots on the uneven surface beneath her and she turns towards the noise but it's too late.

 

She hears the swish of something heavy moving through the air very fast before she feels a sharp, _deep_ pain, and then everything goes black.

 

-

 

Holtz pulls herself away from her conversation with the Mayor, excusing herself as she tries to look around the room for Erin, but she can’t find her.

 

She can see Abby though, so she heads over to her instead.

 

“Have you seen Erin?” Holtz asks with a frown.

 

“Yeah,” Abby nods. “I think she went out to get some air. That was a little while ago, though.”

 

“Ok. Thanks, Abs. I’ll find her.”

 

Holtz tries to keep her voice calm, because it’s probably nothing and she knows she’s probably jumping to a ridiculous conclusion in her head, but something feels _off_.

 

She walks quickly out of the room, running the last hundred feet to the stairwell up to the roof and panic does start to set in now because there are no guards here now, and there were definitely guards before.

 

She throws the door open to the cool night.

 

It’s clear, but something in the air tastes malicious and she walks around with a quickening pulse because she can’t see Erin and she can only be here.

 

“Erin,” Holtz whips around, praying to any deity that she is alright.

 

She grows frantic and she’s about to head back down, because maybe she is just overreacting, when she spots something out of the corner of her eye.

 

It’s a shoe.

 

 _Erin’s_ shoe.

 

Holtz brings the shoe up to the light and its subtle and barely noticeable in the dark but there are a few spots of something on the white fabric that are _too_ dark and _too_ red and have no place being there.

 

She’s running - no, _sprinting_ \- back downstairs before she can draw in another breath.

 

-

  


Erin wakes, groggy at first and then blinks.

 

 _What happened_? She thinks to herself as she tries to shake the haze from her brain.

 

She winces at the movement because her head is **pounding** , but instead of from the back, it’s from the side, and she tried to reach for it but realizes immediately something is wrong--something is terribly, _terribly_ wrong.

 

-

 

“Holtzy, baby, I need you to _slow_ down.”

 

“He’s got her Patty, he’s got Erin.”

 

She’s running, as fast as she can towards the firehouse because she knows that’s where they’ll be.

 

She knows because she _knows_ him, knows he’ll want to draw her to the place that means the most to her so he can strip her down to the bone and take everything from her all over again.

 

“Who’s got her?” Patty asks carefully. “Not...?”

 

“Kai’s got her Patty, I know he does.”

 

She’s still a block away but she can almost see the firehouse now, and thank _Tesla_ she hadn’t worn heels like Patty had wanted earlier in the day because they would have slowed her down, and she’s fast with flats but she might still be too late.

 

_Please let her not be too late._

 

“Wait, Holtzy where are you?”

 

“I’m on my way, I couldn’t wait for you. Look, I’m almost here and I need you to call the police, okay?”

 

“You’re not at the firestation alone are you?” Patty asks, panicked.  “Why the Hell didn’t you call for backup or wait for us?”

 

“There’s _no time_ Patty. Just send help, ok? I’ve gotta go!”

 

“Holtzy don’t you **dare** ,” Patty says frantically and Holtz can hear Abby’s terrified questioning in the background. “Abby’s already calling the police, you’ve got to wait girl, you can’t go in there alone.”

 

Holtzmann hangs up. She can’t explain to them what she already knows is true. Kai will kill her and she can’t lose Erin--not like this, never _ever_ like this.

 

 _Hang on, Erin, please_.

 

-

 

“Keep still, Frau,” a deep voice with a heavy accent says to Erin from somewhere in the shadows.

 

Erin’s breathing begins to increase and her head begins to pulse in time with every heartbeat in shock as she realizes with a cold shot of dread that the reason she can’t move is because her hands are bound above her head.

 

She glances frantically around drawing in the familiar surroundings of their lab in the firehouse.

 

She is bound above by thick, heavy chains. The ones that Holtz often uses to help carry or move her heavier equipment around the second floor of the lab when she’s not strong enough to move it herself… Her feet are also bound, but by rope instead of chains so she cannot walk or move herself with the pulley.

 

It’s dark and she can’t see far beyond the soft lights of the machines, but she can hear footsteps around her and she tries to even her breathing, twisting her fingers for--her eyes widen--her ring.

 

“Are you looking for this?” Erin’s eyes snap forward and to the left as a long, heavy shadow of a man comes into her view.

 

He’s easily six-three with a strong jaw and a cleft chin and his gray eyes are sullen and cold and--Erin swallows-- _angry_ when they meet Erin’s.

 

It’s dark, so Erin has to strain her eyes but she can just see an angry red scar that passes through his thin, scowling upper lip, to the base of his right ear, and he walks around Erin casually, regarding her as he moves.

 

Erin’s trying desperately to keep herself calm but something _long_ glints at his side and Erin catches sight of a  blade that looks sharp enough to cut the space between atoms.

 

The calm that had masked his face up until then _slips_ and he smiles maliciously at Erin before he looks at his left hand holding the knife and then to the right which appears to be holding… _her ring_.

 

The sapphire winks back at Erin in the soft light, never wavering as he spins the ring around his finger, in an almost perfect mirror of the gesture Erin had been doing with Holtz’s this time last night.

 

“This does not belong to you, nor does the woman who gave it-” he speaks in broken English, his voice heavy with an accent and calm still, but laced with something much more dangerous--before the sound of sirens somewhere nearby stops him mid-sentence.

 

“Kai,” Erin croaks finally, her voice rough with fear and anger and completely devoid of doubt.

 

She’s trying very hard not to get hysterical or upset and stays even and **angry** , because she knows what’s about to happen next and she’s _terrified_.

 

-

 

Erin's trying to keep her breathing even and her face neutral because she doesn't want to give away her fear, any more than he can probably smell in the space between them anyway.

 

He walks over to the window looking for the sirens and how far away they are, and Erin turns as much as the chains will allow and sees blue and red flashing somewhere in the distance throwing their lights around the dark room.

 

“Stay quiet, Frau,” he warns as he turns back to her.

 

“You won’t make it out of here alive,” Erin says defiantly and her voice sounds steady and **strong** but it's a lie because her whole body is on edge with the knowledge of how much danger she is in.

 

He smiles, and Erin feels her skin crawl because he looks happy with her defiance, like he was _pleased_ that she was going to fight.

 

“Jilly did always pick the strong ones. Like me. I wonder what it will take to break you?”

 

He brings the knife into the light, appraising the edge and Erin feels the blood that's left drain completely from her face.

 

“Jillian will never love you,” Erin starts and her voice is stronger now, but she can't take her eyes off the blade.

 

At least Holtz isn't here, Erin thinks with a prayer to the earth. At least she's safe.

 

He takes another step towards her, maliciously and Erin steps back, the chains moving harshly at her wrist as she tries to maintain the distance between them but she's bound too tight and suddenly he's in front of her.

 

He brings the edge of the knife up, drawing a light line along the white of her throat almost gently, _lovingly_ and Erin gasps as she feels it bite into her skin as he curls his lip to speak.

 

“You _dare_ speak her name-!”

 

The sound of the front door breaking open stops them both in their tracks and Erin, knowing it has to be help, screams as loud as she can.

 

“SECOND FLOOR, HE’S ARMED!”

 

His fist connects hard with her stomach and Erin doubles over, the breath catching painfully in her throat as she gasps in pain.

 

He walks towards the door, turning the knife easily between his hands as he braces for whatever is about to meet him.

 

Erin's feet go out from under her as she struggles to suck in a breath against the pain and panic in her ribs and the restraints pull sharply at the skin above her as they bear her weight.

 

She hears footsteps scramble up the stairwell into the second floor lab and she feels a cold spike of panic because the police wouldn't make that much noise.

 

She watches as the doors to the lab are thrown open together and her heart sinks and sings at the same time because it's Jillian.

 

Her face is white and her hair is loose around her shoulders pulled from the pins in her haste to get here and her eyes are blazing with fury.

 ( **NOTE: FROM HERE ON ALL LANGUAGE BETWEEN KAI AND HOLTZ IS IN THEIR NATIVE TONGUE. Originally I had it posted in German but since people were very upset that the German was inaccurate, I changed it so you can just read the English version -ljthebard** )

“ _It's been a long time, **Jilly**_ ,” Kai says in a language that Erin doesn't understand, bowing to Holtz. 

 

“ _ _Get the hell away from my wife_ ,_ ” Holtz hisses between clenched teeth, responding in the same tongue... 

 

Erin feels her heart swoop and drop in her chest because she's _here_ , she's here for Erin but he's here, too and she knows he only sees one way out of this for all three of them.

 

“Holtz-” Erin breathes, not daring to distract her, but breathing her name like a prayer on the wind. She should have waited for the police.

 

She knows it's a wish to the Gods for nothing, because there isn't anything on heaven or earth that would have kept her away if their positions were reversed, but she aches because they were _so close_.

 

Erin tries to scramble back onto her feet and she blinks to see beyond the tears.

 

Holtz is standing by the door, and he's in between them, and the distance is only a few metres but it may as well be eons because Erin knows he won't give either of them up to the other without blood.

 

Erin looks to Holtz and she can feel the blind rage rolling off her.

 

The blonde hasn't taken her eyes off Kai but she holds her hand out towards Erin, like she was reaching for her.

 

“ _I knew you'd come for her. How you came for ** _them_**_ ,” he says smiling. 

 

She walks towards him and he turns to follow, moving away from Erin slightly.

 

Erin can see her fists clenched at her sides and when she speaks Erin doesn't understand a word but she knows she's seething.

 

“ _You will not hurt her, Kai, not so long as breath remains in me._ ” 

 

He laughs, and it's a low genuine sound that winds cold round Erin's wrists.

 

“ _What are you gonna do, Jilly? Kill me? Because you must. You do not belong to her._ ”

 

“ _I never belonged to you. My heart is hers and her alone._ ” 

 

He yells at this, a loud, angry and guttural yell and raises his fist--the one still holding the knife--to beat at his chest.

 

“ _You belong to me, Jilly! You belong to **Me**! _ ” 

 

“ _Like Hell do you do!_ ”

 

Holtz lunges for him then and Erin cannot help to cry that escapes her throat as she watches his teeth set on edge, bared as Holtzmann begins landing one blow after the next and carefully avoids his knife that he swipes blindly at her, Kai shoves her off, his right eye now swelling and spits out blood.

 

“ _You'll pay for that, Jilly. You want a fight? So be it_.”

 

Erin cannot understand a word he’s saying, but judging from the finality in his tone, she knows it cannot be good.

 

She takes a second to look around then for something, anything that they might be able to use to fight him off.

 

They have plenty of weapons in the room but most of them are still experimental and they take time to power up and they aren't built for close combat with a human.

 

She wishes desperately that she could speak to Holtz without distracting her, but she's not sure it would actually help because for once in her life she doesn't think Holtz has a plan.

 

“You’ll both _die_ here,” Kai spits, in English this time as he looks at Erin.

 

They hear a crash from downstairs and then boots, _lots_ of boots on the floor.

 

“POLICE!” A loud clear voice calls below them and Kai looks from Holtz to Erin quickly.

 

“ _You_ first,” Kai snarls before several things happen very quickly before Erin.

 

She can hear heavy footsteps coming towards them but they're still too far away and she watches with a displaced horror as Kai lunges for Holtzmann and Holtzmann for Erin.

 

The blonde reaches Erin in a heartbeat and she throws herself at the redhead, wrapping around her like a shield.

 

The extra weight on the chains is a burden and they pull hard at Erin's wrists, causing her to gasp as they swing, Erin losing her balance as Kai collides with them in the next second.

 

His weight does make Erin scream then and they move, propelled by his weight along the track of rails above them.

 

She can feel a volley of thick punches rain down through Holtz's body but she doesn't make a sound, just grits her teeth as she reaches behind her, grabbing desperately for anything she can find purchase on.

 

Kai grabs her wrist to stop her from actually getting a hold on him and yanks, _hard_ , pulling her down and away from Erin.

 

Free of the burden he turns to Erin again, turning the knife easily in his hands but then something-- _Holtz_ \--hits him from behind and he reels forward.

 

He gains his balance too quickly though and when Holtz moves for him again he's too fast and Erin sees a flash of cold steel and terrible pained yelp from Holtz before she collapses on the ground.

 

It's dark, but Erin can see something red and wet spreading on the tiled floor around her still body.

 

He turns for Erin then, twirls the blade beautifully in the air between them and Erin closes her eyes because she doesn't want her last image on earth to be Jillian's body or him.

 

Everything goes dark and she takes her last breath and braces herself for the cool kiss of the blade but then she hears another crash and other voices but she won't open her eyes.

 

The voices become clearer and stronger and she hears someone call out a quick warning and then silence and then the room echoes with the sound of three quick gun shots.

 

Erin feels something heavy land at her bare feet and something warm crawling under her toes and doesn't want to but she thinks maybe it's all over and she opens her eyes.

 

He'd gotten close, _too_ close.

 

Kai Zehren lays before Erin in a crumpled heap, red draining slowly from his body onto the floor, but she doesn't spare him a seconds thought, turning quickly back towards Jillian as ten or so armed officers and squad members file into the room and surround Erin.

 

She spins, awkwardly against the weight of the chains and her wrists roar at her in pain. She can no longer see Holtzmann and her heart begins to panic.

 

She looks frantically from the large red stain where she'd been around the room and _finally_ sees her walking to Erin with a massive set of bolt cutters in her hands.

 

She stops before Erin, pulling as gently from a point above her so they're away from _him_ before she reaches up and snips through the thick chain easily and Erin drops into Holtzmann’s arms before they both collapse to the ground under their weight and her own exhaustion.

 

Holtz raises her hands to cup Erin's face gently and Erin can see a long deep gash on her non-dominant arm from Kai's knife that's still bleeding freely.

 

She checks Erin over desperately for any sign of damage and Erin reaches over for her arm, but then Holtz is crashing their lips together and the world stills around them.

 

The weight of the last twenty-four hours just falls from Erin's bones and she pulls Holtz closer to her, pressing herself as close as their position will allow.

 

The kiss is hard and desperate and Holtz winds her hands tightly through Erin's hair, but it tastes like relief and safety and _love_ and Erin sighs.

 

They pull away gasping and people start moving around them.

 

A few of the men in body armour cover the body and move it away, downstairs as a couple more convene around she and Holtz.

 

Holtz tries to push them away, her eyes never leaving Erin's, but Erin closes her hands over Holtz's and shakes her head.

 

“I'm fine. Jill, I'm fine. Please, you have to let them look at your arm.”

 

She looks to one of the officers, a woman and gestures between them.

 

“You can do this here right? We don't have to move?”

 

“We’ll need to get you both to a hospital soon but I can check you both over here first rather than rushing off there now.”

 

Holtz relaxes a minute amount and nods at the woman before she and the other female officer bend to attend to them both.

 

Holtz hisses when the woman cleans the wound which looks to go almost straight down to the bone.

 

Erin winds the fingers of her free hand through Holtz's good hand as the other woman picks Erin's other wrist up gently.

 

She sucks in a sharp breath at the movement and almost passes out when she looks down, the skin deep purple and an angry red grazing where the notches of the chain sat.

 

Holtz looks down at the sound of Erin's gasp and her face falls.

 

“Oh, Erin...”

 

“It doesn't matter,” Erin says, cutting her off. “It doesn't matter. We're okay.”

 

Holtz looks to her with watery eyes and she leans in and places a featherlight kiss at the ends of Erin's lips before pressing her forehead to Erin’s temple and breathing in relief.

 

There's a commotion at the door and they both turn to see Patty and Abby trying to push their way through the men guarding the door.

 

“I don't care if you have a gun, I will _beat_ _your ass_ if you don't move out of my goddamn way.”

 

“Let them in, please,” Erin says to the men who grudgingly step aside.

 

They two of them are at their sides immediately and Abby holds Erin's face in her hands, frantically moving her gently from side to side to check for injuries, Patty does the same with Holtz, although the female officer is already attending to her arm.

 

“I'm okay, Abby, we both are,” Erin breathes to her friend who starts crying in response.

 

“And **you** ,” Patty says turning to Holtz. “If you ever pull a stunt like that again, I'm gonna kill you myself.”

 

They all laugh but Erin and Holtz are both shaken and Erin almost sighs out loud in relief when Dr Gorin pushes her way through the men next.

 

She walks over to them quickly, her face hard with worry and Holtz's face falls when she looks up.

 

“Rebecca, I…”

 

“Later,” she says, evenly. “The paramedics are downstairs, you both need to go to the hospital. Now. I'll go with you and the others can join us later.

 

“We're going,” Patty starts but Rebecca holds a hand up calmly but authoritatively.

 

“These two have had an _incredibly_ distressing evening. They might feel up to company now, but they will crash shortly and I need to speak with them before they do. There will be time for you to reconnect tomorrow. Now, you two: Downstairs, directly if you please.”

 

Patty opens her mouth like she wants to argue but Dr Gorin narrows her eyes and she closes it again. If anything was learned in the last couple of weeks it was this--the only person that frightened any of the Ghostbusters more than Holtzmann--was her mentor.

 

The two officers who had been attending to Erin and Holtz help them up and they walk them both downstairs. Abby, Patty and Dr Gorin in tow.

 

They help them into the back of the ambulance, one officer climbing in behind them and Dr Gorin to escort them to the hospital.

 

-

 

They arrive and are checked out in the same room, Holtz steadfastly refusing to leave Erin's side even for a second.

 

A few members of the police come and ask them a few questions, most of which Dr Gorin answers on their behalf before shuffling them out of the room.

 

Holtz has her arm stitched and glued and Erin is given a full exam to ensure her head injury from earlier in the week hasn't been exacerbated and her wrists are only severely bruised but not broken.

 

“You're both very lucky,” the doctor says to Erin as she cleans the minor cut on her head from the bludgeon. “Bruised and battered, but not broken.”

 

She applies a small thin dressing to Erin's head wound before removing her gloves, all their injuries now attended to.

 

“I'd prefer you stayed the night here, but somehow I don’t think I'm going to have much luck convincing two newlyweds of that,” she says, calmly. “I want you to watch for any headaches, Doctor Gilbert, but beyond that, all I can tell you to do is rest. And look after each other.”

 

With that she's gone, leaving Holtz and Erin perched on the edge of a bed, blankets wrapped around their shoulders alone with Dr Gorin, finally.

 

“I believe there's a car waiting outside for us. I'll ask them to bring it round,” Dr Gorin says as she stands, leaving the room, momentarily.

 

She's back a few minutes later and before they know it they're home, Dr Gorin pushing the door of their apartment open before walking through it taking a seat on the couch.

 

It's clear she's expecting them to sit next to her and Erin can feel Holtz tense at her side, already anticipating the chewing out she's about to receive.

 

They take a seat and are silent for a few seconds, Holtz stroking her thumb gently over Erin's knuckles where they're intertwined in her lap before Dr Gorin looks to Holtz finally and clears her throat.

 

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” Dr Gorin says calmly, but Erin can hear the anger in her voice.

 

Erin watches as Holtz looks at Dr Gorin evenly, her hands squeezing Erin's slightly.

 

“I know what you want me to say, but I'm not sorry. I would do it again and again and again if it meant keeping Erin safe.”

 

Gorin sits up straighter at Holtz's defiance, narrowing her eyes before she opens her mouth to speak.

 

“What if you hadn't been so lucky, Jillian? What about me? What about the others you would have left behind? I want you to promise Erin _and_ I that you'll never do anything like that again.”

 

“Well as far as I can tell, I don't have too many more murdering sociopaths after me. But I suppose you never _do_ know.”

 

“ _Jillian_ ,” Gorin warns.

 

“Fine,” Holtz mumbles, shrugging guiltily. “I promise.”

 

The gesture is so overwhelmingly _Holtz_ that Erin practically snorts in amusement for the first time since waking up in the firehouse.

 

“Now that that's out of the way I want you to tell me what happened. All of it.”

 

And so they do.

 

-

 

Dr Gorin listens with a quiet intensity that makes Erin feel calm despite the stress of having to replay the events of the evening.

 

Her presence and solidity quells the prick of panic that threatens to bring back every ounce of emotion bubbling under Erin's skin.

 

She has them pour over every detail, and Erin realizes about half way through what she's doing.

 

It's the same as what she had done to Holtz, renaming and normalizing a traumatic event to exorcise any poison before it has a chance to sink into their bones.

 

And it works.

 

An hour or so later when Jillian finally finishes, Erin feels **horrible,** but light and when she exhales the band around her ribs doesn't seem so tight.

 

“I've seen his shadow live over your head like a blade since the first time I met you,” Gorin says, looking at Holtz when she finally falls silent. “You can _breathe_ now, Jillian. He's finally gone.”

 

Erin watches as Gorin looks at Holtz with relief and sadness and pride, and it's unexpected but then it's not, because Erin can see there's a love there that goes deeper than the roots in a forest as old as time.

 

“I'll leave you two to rest in a moment but first I wanted to give you these,” she says, holding out her hand to Jillian and opening her palm to reveal two rings.

 

The sapphire in Erin's engagement ring glistens in the soft light of the room and it's silly really but Erin feels like it's singing to her--a soft lullaby in the moonlight around the room.

 

“One of the men retrieved these and gave them to me,” Gorin states calmly.

 

Gorin looks to Holtz for confirmation and she smiles, holding out her spare hand into which Gorin gently drops the two rings.

 

“I want you to call if you need anything,” Gorin says, standing. “For now though, you need to rest.”

 

She looks pointedly at Holtz with one raised eyebrow.

 

“I mean it,” she says authoritatively. “Rest. There's time for the world to come tomorrow.”

 

They both stand then and Erin moves towards Dr Gorin, wrapping her arms around her whether she wants the hug or not.

 

She's stiff at first but then she softens, and Erin smiles.

 

“Thank you,” Erin whispers before they part. “For everything.”

 

She gives Jillian a brief, but firm hug and then she's gone, leaving the two of them alone for the first time in what seems like forever.

 

Holtz pulls Erin back towards the couch and Erin leans gratefully against the cushions before Holtz surprises her, kneeling between her legs.

 

Holtz holds her hands out and Erin reaches for her automatically.

 

She runs her thumbs softly over the angry marks at Erin's wrists and Erin _sighs_ at the contact.

 

“Do they hurt?” Holtz asks quietly.

 

“A little,” Erin says, honestly. “How's your arm?”

 

“Throbbing,” Holtz says with a laugh. “Some wedding night this is gonna be, right?”

 

Erin laughs gently as Holtz holds up the rings with her good hand.

 

“May I?”

 

Erin nods, and Holtz gently slides the rings onto Erin's ring finger and suddenly everything comes crashing back to her.

 

Because they're _married_.

 

They're both bruised and bloodied, but Erin's never been happier in her entire life because Jillian, her _wife_ , is kneeling before her and they're both **safe**.

 

“Don't ever take them off?” Holtz asks, gently. Erin reads between the lines.

 

“Never,” Erin reacts, reaching forward to pull Holtz in for a kiss that's so gentle it makes her heart slow.

 

“Now, take me to bed.”

 

-

 

They sleep.

 

They peel the clothes away from each other, leaving them bare but for underwear and they crawl into their bed together, bodies wrapped up so tightly a whisper couldn't come between them before slipping off into unconsciousness almost immediately.

 

-

  


They both wake sometime in the early morning, with the moon still high and the stars on guard.

 

Neither of them says anything, their silence echoing in the dark, but they come together at once.

 

Jillian leans over, closing the space between them and Erin pulls her over her body, her leg sliding easily between Erin's.

 

Their first kiss is long and **deep** and Erin feels the shiver that runs down her body _everywhere_.

 

Holtz pauses, just for a moment, settling her hips low against Erin's.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“ _Yes_ ,” Erin breathes. “I want to make love to my _wife_.”

 

-

 

Holtz moves so slowly up and down Erin's body she thinks she might scream.

 

Her moans resonate around the room but they're weak compared to the fire raging in her blood because Holtzmann's touch _burns_.

 

It burns and consumes and Erin feels like a smouldering wreck before Holtz even touches her properly.

 

When Holtz kisses her way up Erin's stomach, her hands spread low on Erin's hips, Erin winds her fingers through Holtz’s hair, now loose around her shoulders and crashes their lips together.

 

They're gasping when they pull away and Erin doesn't know what to do because she's caught between the want to touch or to surrender her body completely to her lover.

 

Holtz must feel the fight in her because she brings their lips together again, slides her tongue into Erin's mouth and whispers against her lips.

 

“Later. I want to take you to pieces first.”

 

-

 

Holtz’s fingers finally slip beneath the band of her underwear and Erin arches her back, bent like a bow because she _wants_ so bad.

 

She peels them off Erin's body, sliding down to kiss the skin her fingers leave bare.

 

Holtz closes her lips over Erin's hip bone and along the inside of her thigh and it's not _enough_ , not yet.

 

But they have _time_.

 

-

 

“By the stars, Erin, you're _so…_ ”

 

“What did you expect Jill? You've been torturing me.”

 

_A sharp smile._

 

“That was **nothing,** baby. I'll _show_ you.”

 

-

 

Holtz's fingers finally, finally slide inside her and Erin's mouth falls open in a silent moan because it's _so_ good.

 

“More.”

 

“Are you sure…?”

 

“ _More_.”

 

-

 

“I'm so close. _Jill_ , I'm so close.”

 

“I know, Er. Tell me what you want.”

 

Erin hears the words but she knows Holtz doesn't actually mean them because she's playing Erin's body like someone fighting for their life and she doesn't need any help with what comes next.

 

It's almost like Holtz can read her mind because the next second she smiles, leans down, sinks her teeth into the skin of Erin's shoulder and curls her fingers on her upward thrust and Erin just _comes apart_.  

 

-

 

She sees white light and stars behind her eyes and feels Holtz move softly over her, draw the ripples out with her fingers and her tongue as the waves crash again and again.

 

-

 

She waits until her heart slows from a rib-cracking pounding to a slow, deep throb before she rolls them over easily, Holtz bending her body around Erin's as they slide together, a mirror of before.

 

Her body's still shaking and she's not sure if it's from before or if it's nerves about what she's about to do, but she bites her lip and stills for a moment.

 

“I don't want to do anything wrong.”

 

“You can't.”

 

“But, what if I…”

 

“You _can't,_ Er. Just touch me, and listen.”

 

-

 

Long minutes later, Erin realizes the uncertainty was utterly redundant because Holtz is moving beneath her hands like she was made for Erin alone.

 

She's soft and responsive and Erin smiles against her skin, because of course this would be seamless, because everything else is.

 

She kisses over the swell of Holtz's ribs and around her breasts and Holtz gasps when she takes a nipple between her teeth softly, throwing her hands up to wind around the headboard.

 

“Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to kiss you like this for?”

 

“Oh my _gods,_ Erin.”

 

“For months, Jill. _Months_.”

 

“You think you're…”

 

 _Gasp_.

 

“...think you're the only one?”

 

“Not anymore.”

 

-

 

She slides her fingers easily into Holtz and the blonde lets out this sigh that shakes Erin's bones.

 

It's deep and **heavy** and it sounds like Holtz has been waiting for Erin her entire life.

 

She fits perfectly and she feels Holtz pull around her and she's loathe to move for a second because being inside a Holtz like this _grounds_ her and she wants to remember this until the day she dies.

 

“Jill…”

 

“I know.”

 

_A kiss._

 

“I just want to feel you.”

 

-

 

“Do you want…?”

 

“More. I can take _more,_ Erin. I can take **anything** from you.”

 

“Is that a challenge?”

 

“Yes. _Fuck_ yes.”

 

-

 

They go slow.

 

They go fast.

 

And then they go slow again.

 

And again.

 

And _again_.

 

-

 

They go for hours.

 

They stop and breathe and then start again because it's just never enough and their desire knows no bounds.

 

-

 

Hours later, once the sun has come and gone, they lie together, the sheets draped over their bodies like gowns.

 

Holtz is on her back and Erin leans over her

 

“If I'd known you were going to be this good, I never would have let you out of this bed the first time we got in.”

 

“Well,” Erin says smiling. “I guess you have some making up to do then, don't you?”

 

“You're a married woman now, Gilbert. It's all downhill from here, didn't you know? Boring sex and no romance. That's us for life.”

 

“For life?” Erin requests, softly.

 

Blue meets blue.

 

“Yes,” Holtz says simply and it expands between them, searing together destinies and almosts and maybes into a unbreakable future that lays itself at their feet.

 

“I _love_ you, Erin. I have for so long.”

 

The pulse of the universe pauses then. Balances on the point of a star while Jillian breathes. Erin’s eyes close as the words seep into her very existence.

 

“Always.”

-


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a ride!!! I hope you all are incredibly pleased with the work we’ve done. We hit a few bumps along the way but now we are here and we are finished. Thank you to everyone who has supported tigerlo and I on this journey - ljthebard
> 
> We're at the end! Can you believe it?
> 
> This is going to sound like an award speech but bear with me - I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to leave us a comment or hit that kudos button - as a writer I can't tell you how much it means to get a pat on the back in the form of either one of those. I also want to thank Lj for letting me share this wonderful journey with them. It's been amazing mate, truly amazing. Thank you for letting me take your pride and joy to pieces.
> 
> Anyway - on with the show. Thanks again lovely readers, I hope you've enjoyed this as much as I have.
> 
> xx tigerlo

**Epilogue.**

  
  


“Well, my love, I guess that's us then. Thanks for the citizenship, these last two years have been a  _ blast _ and I'll send you a postcard, yeah?”

 

“Shut up,” Erin says bumping her shoulder into Holtz's as they walk hand-in-hand home to their apartment. 

 

“Oh, I'm serious buttercup. Like this has been great and the sex is  _ amazing _ but….”

 

“If you don't stop I'm going to remember that later.”

 

“Oh,” Holtz says interestedly. “You promise?”

 

Erin looks to her for a second and there's a warmth to her skin that makes Erin blush. 

 

It's been insatiable, this thing between them and they've barely been able to keep their hands off each other even now, two years and some since they were married. 

 

There's this fuse between them and it's live the entire time they're together and all it takes is for Holtz to look at her or run her hand across her lower back and it's  _ lit _ and they push and scramble to find the closest space they can to take each other apart. 

 

Their bruises had faded and their scars had set into their skin, but nowhere else. 

 

They had left Kai’s ghost on the cold tiles where it belonged and hadn't felt his shadow cross their heads for more than a fleeting second since. 

 

The evening is warm and when they arrive back at the bottom of their apartment building, Erin pulls gently at Holtz's hand when she stops to go inside. 

 

“Not yet,” Erin says with a small smile. “I have something to show you.”

 

They walk for another ten minutes or so until Holtz catches on to where they're heading. 

 

“Er, I know it's our job and all and it might seem like a good idea but I'm kind of not down with taking my clothes off in a graveyard.”

 

“It's not that,” Erin says rolling her eyes, pulling on Holtz's hand again. “Come on. It's not far.”

 

They walk through the gates of the cemetery, beneath a grand wrought iron arch with vines wound through the metal lines and down the rows until eventually Erin brings them to a stop in front of a large new looking headstone. 

 

Holtz stops, looking to Erin with a confused expression before she recognises the names engraved and she falls to her knees in front of them with a soft sob. 

  
  


**Nöelle Lucille Hölstrom**

**18 December 1967 - 16 September 2000**

 

**_And_ **

 

**Piotr Johannes Hölstrom**

**21 July 1965 - 16 September 2000**

 

**Beloved Parents.**

  
  


“I hope you don't mind we did it on one. We thought you'd probably want them to be together.”

 

“We?” Holtz asks through eyes heavy with tears. 

 

“Dr Gorin and I. She helped me, I mean. Is it okay? I know I probably should have asked because this wasn't their home but I wanted you to have a place to come and speak to them and…”

 

Erin's cut off mid ramble by Holtz pulling her down to her level before she places the softest kiss on her lips. 

 

“I love you,” Holtz says softly and Erin melts, like she has every single time Holtz has spoken those words since their wedding night. 

 

“I love you, too,” Erin says smiling as she catches a tear with her fingertip. 

 

“It's beautiful,” Holtz says, lifting her hand to trace around the letters gently. “Thank you, Erin.”

 

“Anything,” Erin says softly. 

 

They sit there in silence for a while on the cool grass and eventually Holtz takes a deep breath and stands. 

 

She bends down, touches the top of the headstone before whispering something in Swiss so quietly that Erin doesn't quite hear it. 

 

“What did you say?” Erin asks, gently. 

 

“I told them they don't have to worry anymore, that they can rest, because I'm not alone. And I don't think I will be ever again.”

 

She looks to Erin as she takes her hand and Erin feels the blood in her skin rise up to meet Holtz's the second they touch. 

 

It feels old, this love between them. Like it's had it's time on this planet before because it feels heavy, and solid and too full to only be from one single lifetime. 

 

It stretches out,  _ yawns _ between them before settling against Erin's heart. 

  
“Now,” Holtz says simply looking to Erin like she's made of stardust. “Take me  _ home _ .”

**Author's Note:**

> WHAT a journey this has been! This has been deep in my mind for months since Qym put the seed there and then I lost time and motivation and encouragement until I finally nearly didn't write it at all. Tigerlo came in at JUST the right time and I figured it was a sign that she was meant to write this story and oh BOY did she go above and beyond the call of any person I've met in the fandom, to write this story. I hope you guys love it as much as I have loved watching it come to fruition.
> 
> Tigerlo, this has been SUCH an adventure, and I LOVE YOU SO MUCH for letting me watch it bloom and letting me be apart of it even after! -ljthebard
> 
> musicalfreak86, for the beautiful work you did collaborating the secret santa exchange.. THIS gift is for you  
> Qym, thank you for giving me the seed to plant with this. I hope this gift will somehow prove my gratitude to you.


End file.
